Day 125 - There Goes My Baby

I absolutely LOVE this song, and I'm surprised I haven't written about it prior to now.  It's a song that I loved upon hearing it and have smiled at every time I heard it since.  Let's start with my favorite part of the song:

"I've been waiting all day to wrap my hands around your waist and kiss your face - wouldn't trade this feeling for nothing, not even for a minute. And I'll sit here long as it takes to get you all alone, but as soon as you come walking my way, you gon hear me say, 'there goes my baby (oo girl look at you).  You don't know how good it feels to call you my girl.  There goes my baby.  Loving everything you do.  Ooo girl, look at you."  When I hear this part, I think about the tender moments and the anticipation of  shared physical intimacy.  But not only that, I think about how proud Usher is to call his girl just that.  He's genuinely excited about the privilege of calling this lovely lady his love and his girl.  

"Bet you ain't know that I be checking you out when you be putting your heels on. I swear your body's so perfect, baby.  How you work it, baby, yeah. I love the way that you be poking it out, girl, give me something to feel on.  So please believe we gone be twerking it out by the end of the night baby.

I get the chills whenever I see your face and you're in the place girl.  Feel like I'm in a movie, baby, I'm like oowee baby oh.  Like waterfalls your hair falls down to your waist - can I get a taste, girl?  No need to keep this baby, I ain't ashamed of calling your name, girl."  These 2 verses talk about the admiration that he has for her physical appearance and presence.  He likes to watch her, appreciating her shape, her movement, her flow, and he is still impressed, even entranced by her beauty.  And he wants to make it clear again that she is the one, so there's no need to hide or creep, because she is his girl and none other.

"And girl I feel like it's our first time every time we get together.  Baby, loving you feels better than everything, anything.  Put on my heart, you don't need a ring, and I promise our time away won't change my love." This may be my second favorite part of the song.  There is a sweetness that says that their love, though it's been going on for a while, still invigorates him and feels new.  And the commitment that he has to her needs no ring as proof or manifestation - his covenant love is in his heart.  And it appears that he believes the old adage - "absence makes the heart grow fonder."  Even in their time apart (presumably because he's a singer), his love remains her, and she will still be his girl whether he's on the road or in her arms. 

Day 124 - Patience

"Love is patient..." 
Working every other day with a child of 18 months has made this word "patient" a very real necessity in my life.  Patient, defined as "bearing provocation, annoyance, misfortune, delay, hardship, pain, etc., with fortitude and calm and without complaint, anger, or the like," is admittedly a very difficult thing to be at times, especially when the baby is pushing limits and buttons or crying for no apparent reason.  As much as it's important when dealing with a child, it's equally if not more important to have when living in relationship.  
I will use myself as an example.  I am blessed to have some really good, close friends, and at times I wonder how they can stand me.  Don't get me wrong - I'm a pretty amazing person and I try to take very good care of people with whom I'm in relationship....  But there are times when I can be lazy, mean (sarcasm being my weapon of choice), mildly violent (I don't usually hit hard though), insecure, stubborn, and childish.  I'm sure my friends could add to that list.  But the beauty for me of them being my friends is that, because they love me as much as they do, they bear with my minor annoyances (and happily correct them at times) in an effort to maintain the relationship (and make me better).  
Is it always easy to deal in patience with someone's flaws or particular communication style or habits?  No.  That's why it's called patience.  You have to make the conscious and intentional decision to deal calmly with something that may frustrate you greatly.  This isn't to say that you have patience with everything or that your patience never ends with certain things.  My friends often have to "encourage" me in looking for a job, even though I know it's something I need to do.  But they shouldn't have to be patient with me if I'm complaining about being broke while not looking for a job.  
How much patience is to be extended and for what is decided on an individual relationship basis, but I encourage you to be more patient with others than you would want others to be with you.  Of course, do use wisdom - don't let your patience become detrimental enabling. 

Day 123 - Lacette Cross

Lacette Cross is definitely one of the beautiful people I spoke about in yesterday's entry.  

Since I met her at her STVU orientation, I felt drawn to her, like she was just one of those people who I needed to know (I didn't understand the concept of beautiful people yet).  We shared a sexuality class, and I noticed that she had a cool, wise, “unassuming” presence that caught my attention.  When she came to hear me preach at Bible Study and I barely knew her, I was honored and happy, and it was clear that she was a genuine, loving person.  I also soon realized that she was a diva.  She took over my position as RA in the dorm, so we talked a lot about that and about dorm and middler life.  And all along, even before I really recognized it, there was just something about just being present with her….  During Ellison we reconnected and joined forces with our other sister friends.  I began to see that she was more than a diva with a big heart.  She was a gifted woman who was safe space and wisdom.  It made sense that she was the trunk to our tree and she was like another mother and sister to me.  While I’ve had numerous friends throughout my life, it was rare that I found ones with whom I could truly share mutual relationship.  

The main thing she's taught me is how to look at love in a more open and holistic way.  When I had conversations with her, it reminded me of All About Love by bell hooks, and it seemed that she’d found a way to put a lot of what I’d read into practice.  As she explained that she was open to love in whatever form it came and she explained her journey, I began to wonder if such was a possibility for me.  Through her loving, authentic example, I've begun to open my mind to the endless possibilities of love, and I'm thankful for her opening the door and showing me the way.  She's been gracious and patient, not only with me but with everyone she meets.  We often tease her for her social worker tendencies in dealing with people, whether it's asking a million questions or talking/listening to any and everyone.  As much as I pick with her, I know that appreciate her generous nature and the safe space that her presence naturally creates.   I wouldn't trade our time and conversations for anything in the world.

So to one of my closest friends and sisters, to a truly beautiful person, I say Happy birthday, Lacette!  I love you.

Day 122 - Beautiful People

In my life, I have had the great privilege to meet and know some AMAZING people.  And I don't mean people who are celebrities or who are rich and famous or anything like that.  I mean people who know (or at least have a pretty good idea) what it means to live and exude the presence of the Divine.  These are beautiful whose very presence and spirit are uplifting and peaceful at the same time.  While they are not all the same by any stretch of the imagination, they share similar attributes that gain them the label "beautiful."  Now, this is not to say that every person alive is not beautiful in his or her own way, but some people have realized it and show it in most amazing ways.

• Confidence - the inner assurance of one's self that is lived and manifested with a powerful walk and strength of voice.  Now, this is not to be confused with the false confidence/bravado that puts "swag" into the walk and "bass" into the voice of so many people.  Some of the most insecure people put on the best act and the most confident face, but this is only a cover.  Real confidence doesn't need to pronounce itself - it simply is because it flows from the essence of one's being.  There is no striving to attain or to be or to live... it's just easy.  This isn't to say that this person never has insecure moments, but overall, they are strong enough within to be at ease and put others at ease.
• Strength - the power to be and work through most any situation in a healthy way.  Being beautiful in a world of advertising that preys on people's insecurities to get them to buy beauty products and aids that we don't really need is a tough thing to do.  This isn't to vilify make-up or nice clothes or the newest weight loss drug or anything like that, but it does remind us that true confidence can be hard to get and maintain when we're constantly told that we need improving.  And our relationships with other people aren't always the most helpful in this aspect either.  It usually takes going through some things and some years to gain enough strength to stand on our own two feet and live our beauty.  After some battles with self and others, we can find the strength to believe in our Creator and our creation.
• Divine Connection - in my experience, you don't typically exude beauty without being in touch with the Source of all beauty.  Whatever name you call God matters not - what matters is that you are aware of the Divine and attempt to live in the beauty thereof.  Not to sound spooky, but you are sensitive to changes in the atmosphere, to the feelings of others, and to what is seen and not seen. You most likely maintain some sense of connection by prayer or meditation or other spiritual discipline/practice.
• Wisdom - an intelligence that comes from experience (both your own and that of others).  As I talked about, strength has to be gained to find/maintain one's beauty, and in gaining strength, you tend to gain the wisdom of your experiences.  Now, anyone can go through something, but it takes focus and introspection to find the lesson(s) in what we go through.  With that, wisdom is gained so that you can know and do better in your own life and so that you can teach others to do better.
• Compassion/Heart for Others - the willingness to share with and care for others.  Without a heart to help other people, you can be confident and strong and wise but never do any good.  I find it hard to believe that you can be authentically connected in relationship with the Divine and not have compassion for the pain and needs of others.  Most, if not all of what happens to us in life is a tool for our strengthening and a tool for instructing/encouraging others.  I've often been amazed at the things that I've had to deal with that have ended up helping other people.  But my experience can't help others if I'm not willing to share and pass on what I've learned.  

Think about the people you've met who you just felt that there was just something different about them (in a good way).  They may have been a beautiful person whose footsteps are grace, whose words are peace, and whose actions are love.  And know that you too can be beautiful no matter what your family, your "friends," your enemies, or popular media says.  Become more acquainted with yourself through introspection, and be open to who you are and can be.  While beauty isn't easy to gain, it's a worthwhile pursuit.
BE BEAUTIFUL...

Day 121 - My Girl

So, there are very few songs for which I will offer no critique, but this is one of them.  I watched the movie on BET the other day about the life/careers of the Temptations, and this finale song just made me smile.  The lyrics are below, and it's a simple testament of love.  Whether this is your boo, your friend, your partner, your child, your parent, your relative, or even yourself, love should be simple and beautiful just like this, overall just making your life better.

I've got sunshine
On a cloudy day.
When it's cold outside,
I've got the month of May.

Well, I guess you'll say
What can make me feel this way?
My girl. (My girl, my girl)
Talkin' 'bout my girl. (My girl)

I've got so much honey
The bees envy me.
I've got a sweeter song
Than the birds in the trees.

Well, I guess you'll say
What can make me feel this way?
My girl. (My girl, my girl)
Talkin' 'bout my girl. (My girl)

Ooooh, Hoooo.

Hey, hey, hey.
Hey, hey, hey.

I don't need no money,
Fortune or fame.
I've got all the riches, baby,
One man can claim.

Well, I guess you'll say
What can make me feel this way?
My girl. (My girl, my girl)
Talkin' 'bout my girl. (My girl)

Day 120 - Simple Things

I've always been a fan of the simple things in life, and on a day like today when I wake up tired, there's no hot water in the house, and my car stops on the way to work, I have to take a lesson from the bundle of joy who keeps me employed and find joy in the simple things:

• seeing a cat outside the window or her cat doll or any cat at all
• having 2 pacifiers at once
• seeing a picture of a dog in a book
• lunch time
• flowers
• hearts
• a walk in the stroller
• shoes
• the sound of construction being done
• the mail truck
• her toys
• saying "hi" to me even though she's seen me all day
• markers
• coins
• bellybuttons in a magazine
• birds

This list could go on for days....  And as my car has been towed and I'm waiting on an assessment (i.e. a price), I will try to learn to smile a little wider like the little girl wonder.  Thanks, little Rose.

And really, despite the fact that this car situation is about to drive me nuts, there are many things in life that I can be extremely grateful:

• a house to live in (even if my parents and I don't always get along)
• a cell phone (praise for communication)
• a car to get around (even if that means I'll have to share with my mother)
• sister friends who love and appreciate and encourage the authentic me
• a growing community of folks to hang out with (between volleyball and cook outs and Easter dinner and such)
• a job where I have some freedom and flexibility and a cute little girl to play with
• the color purple
• some sexy blue shoes
• warm weather
• music
• paper and pen/laptop for writing
• paper and artistic utensils for drawing
• dance
• flames
• butterflies
• flowers

My list could also go on and on.  :)  Love life by being grateful and enjoying the simple things.

Day 119 - I Have 2 Mommys

I've had the pleasure in my 26 years of calling many women "mom."  There were ladies at church, ladies at college when I was away from home, ladies where I worked, etc., and I appreciate every one of them.  Seeing that today is Mother's Day, I'd like to take to highlight 2 of the most influential moms in my life - my birth mother and my mentor/mom, both of whom are ironically named Deborah (because God has a sense of humor) - Deborah Hawkins and Deborah Martin.

Deborah Hawkins - this lady has known me all my life.  :)  She's a great lady who loves God and has ridiculous amounts of strength that I can't even begin to fathom.  She's seen me through 3 heart surgeries,  "terrible 2s" (though she says I wasn't that bad) and teen years, undergrad and grad school, and the general ups and downs of life.  I think I get my compassion, my kindness, and my stubbornness from her (great combination, I know).  She has always worked hard to provide for my brother and I, and despite what we had or didn't have growing up, despite the issues that we faced as a family, despite anything that may have seemed like a negative, Mom was always there and always praying.  Church wasn't an optional activity for much of my young life, but I do appreciate the foundation now that I'm older.  Even when we've bumped heads (which 2 stubborn people do a lot) and disagreed, I've always known that if I needed something that I could call on her.  And that's why "I'll always love my mama."

Deborah Martin - my other mother has been in my life since my time at STVU.  When I first became her work-study student, I thought it was interesting that she shared the same name (and spelling) as my mother.  Since I don't believe in coincidences, I figured this was significant, and I found that to be the case.  Not only did we work together, but we talked and shared our lives and calls and processes.  When she was out on maternity leave, I had to essentially hold down the Admissions office, so I was super glad when she came back.  I learned much about ministry as we traveled together and she preached.  But not only did I learn more about preaching and church/minister etiquette, I learned about the preacher as a person and a woman.  I learned about how to be yourself and walk in authenticity when the church, the world, and those closest to you disagree or hand you a lap scarf.  It was her strong example that has helped push me to come out of my own shell.  And she has wisdom and strength that I can't help but admire and draw upon as I continue to find myself and my way.  And even though I no longer work with her, she is still one of my closest friends and part of my Heartbeat.  And that's why "I'll always love my mama."