I was talking to a friend of mine about 2 relational situations that we are both aware of. One of them is a situation in which the folks are together, and the girl is all in, but the guy isn't (for a few reasons). The problem is that the guy refuses to let the girl go, and she is too deeply invested to free herself. In the other situation, the girl recognized that her partner was having a difficult time with things, and so she let go. We were discussing the dynamics of the 2 situations, and it got me thinking about letting go.
As with most things, the media has done us a disservice by showing us break-ups where there is a major fight or angry scene, because that's where the drama is. They don't typically show the break-ups where things don't quite fit for one reason or another. The love is still there. The connection is still there. Neither person wants to let go. But for some reason or circumstance within the situation, things just won't work in a way that won't cause undo pain that can't be outweighed by the positive in the situation...
So what do you do when there is no "major" reason to break up, but you know in your heart that it'd be best (esp if not for you but for the other person) to let them go? I've learned that you have to push past your own needs/desires and let them go. You have to love them enough to do what is best for them even if it is the last thing you want. Otherwise, you don't really love the person. You are being selfish when you see that a person is hurting and you put your desire to be in relationship with them (and the needs they meet for you) ahead of their needs and feelings.
In the first situation described above, neither party has the love necessary to make this situation healthy - love for the other person (to let them go) and love for self (to leave an unhealthy situation when it cause as much pain as it does despite the positives). In the second one, they were willing to bite the bullet and do the hard thing. They knew it was better to do the healthy thing and let go even though their feelings didn't dictate such an action. Was it esay? No. There was pain and wrestling and agonizing on both sides, but in the end, it was better to part of the sake of emotional health than to hold on just to be together.
So the questions on the table: can you love someone enough to put their heart first? Can you love yourself enough to leave when it's unhealthy?
Thursday, January 26, 2012
Thursday, January 19, 2012
Day 278 - I'm Ready
While I'm not typically a fan of Anthony Hamilton, this is his second song that has gripped me from the moment I heard it. It's just a cute, lovely song about love. I've been thinking about blogging about it for weeks, and I finally found a moment to do so, and for some reason, it's making me tear up right now.... I guess that's what I get for being an emotional being. :)
"Follow follow me, I wanna play inside. Catch a game of love and let the score go high. We can do whatever, let the time go by long as we're together. Sit in the room, focus on you, beautiful you. Show me your eyes, heavenly eyes - let's share our hearts tonight." This first verse is playful and fun. This man is singing to his loving, asking that they share in some quality time together. For him, it doesn't matter what they do as long as they do it together and share in love, even making a game of it in which they both win. He would even begin to sit and stare, admiring his love's beauty, looking into his love's eyes, and having open, heart-felt conversation as they express how they feel.
"I'm ready to be with you. I'm ready to follow you. I'm ready - we can do whatever. Whatever you wanna do, whatever - I'll do it for you. I'm ready - let's follow our hearts tonight." It seems that there has been some contemplation on his part, and now he's decided that he's ready to be with his love. He is even willing to follow and do what his love wants. It's as if he is submitting to the other person's desires, willing to be open and relinquish control of things to the one he loves. He simply wants them to follow their hearts and bask in the beauty that is love.
"Open, open, let's go take a chance on love. Follow in its footsteps like a child of love. It's alright, the heavens open up for us. It's what wonderful means. Sit in the room, focus on you, beautiful you. Show me your eyes, heavenly eyes - let's share our hearts tonight - hand in hand, the harder than hard with all of our heart." He now desires that they take the risk that love requires, venturing together into this space. To him, this is a beautiful place to be, such that heaven even opens up because of the love that they share, shining down as it to bless their union. This is the very definition of wonderful - the love that they have. Once again, he would be content to simply stare at and look into the eyes of his love, captivated by the beauty therein. He wants them to sit hand in hand, sharing together those deep, vulnerable things (the harder than hard) as they give all their love to each other, opening up beyond their fears and concerns to bring forth the greatness of what lies between them.
Saturday, January 14, 2012
Day 277 - Christians Don't Love
Now, the title of this blog may put you off a bit, stay with me and I will explain myself. I was reading an article the other day, and I wanted to cry, scream, and a few other things. Please read the ARTICLE before continuing with the entry, because it will help things make sense (it's less than a page). Not only did I read that article, but as I sat in class a couple days ago, I had a similar desire to cry, scream, etc. The professor had us go around the classroom and basically tell our life story. As part of that, we were supposed to talk about something that was a pressing issue for us. More than one person brought up their concern for how to minister to homosexuals, saying things like "I'm not sure how to deal with those people" and "You'd be amazed at how God can use them" almost as if to say that homosexuals are aliens of some kind. Being that this is one of my areas of sensitivity, because so many people I know are same-gender loving individuals and who have dealt with all kinds of less-than-positive treatment, especially in the church, I felt some type of way.
So now that we're on the same page, I want to address the title of the blog entry: Christians Don't Love. This is not meant to say that none of the Christians in the world know how to love. There are some very loving Christians who would be appalled by the actions of this group. But the point remains that there is a problematic mindset that some Christian doctrine, dogma, and ideology perpetrate to make such mindsets even possible (and to some people, justifiable and the will of God).
George Michael, a famous singer who happens to be an openly gay man, was talking about his recovery from illness and said, "Did you know that while I was fighting for my life in Austria there were a bunch of those lovely American 'Christian' organizations, who call themselves Christians for a Moral America, who were actually taking the time to pray for me to die." Reportedly, they "were wholly against the openly gay singer's survival and apparently accused Michael of having AIDS rather than pneumonia." As if that wasn't enough, the group tweeted their justification for such actions: "Pray for George Michael's demise. He has chosen a satanic lifestyle and must meet an appropriate end" and "Apparently George Michael has AIDS. Figures since he's a homosexual and it goes with the territory. Another sodomite bites the dust?"
First of all, George Michael doesn't have AIDS, so the lack of truth from a Christian organization, especially based on an outrageous stereotype is appalling. Just because he is gay does not mean that he has AIDS. Such speculation is the poisonous thinking that Jesus taught against. Second, Jesus taught that we should love our neighbors as we love ourselves, and based on the story of the Good Samaritan, that includes people who we have been taught are impure or even enemies. Loving someone does not mean praying for their death or pronouncing judgment as you see fit for their lives. Who are we to decide what is an appropriate end for anyone, no matter what they do?
Now, I'm aware that this is a fairly extreme example, but the underlying principle is that there is a tendency to demonize people that are different or that we disagree with. Even though the two greatest commandments are to love, much of the teaching and doctrine deals with separating Christians from everyone else. And as we learned with Plessy v. Ferguson in our lessons from the Civil Rights Movement, separate but equal doesn't work, because our Western tendency is to compare different things and give them a value, causing them to have to be ranked. In any religion where we are taught that we are right and everyone else is wrong - misguided, deceived, even evil/demonic - it is nigh unto impossible to treat someone with love. It is perfectly alright to stand strong in your own beliefs, but you ought to be loving enough to allow others to love/respect people regardless of their religious leanings and/or beliefs.
So whether you agree with someone's lifestyle, religion, orientation, political stand, race, gender, denomination, or anything else that makes them different from you, God is love. God desires that Christians love others as they love themselves. If you wouldn't pray for your friend to die because they lied or because they cheated on their taxes or gossiped or any other 'sin,' then why would it be justifiable to pray that someone dies because of who they love? If you are going to claim to represent God and Jesus and all that they stand for, then you should examine what your love for your neighbor looks like, lest you become the priest and the Levite who walked by the man who needed help, acting in the very self-righteous hypocrisy that Jesus spent his ministry teaching against.
So now that we're on the same page, I want to address the title of the blog entry: Christians Don't Love. This is not meant to say that none of the Christians in the world know how to love. There are some very loving Christians who would be appalled by the actions of this group. But the point remains that there is a problematic mindset that some Christian doctrine, dogma, and ideology perpetrate to make such mindsets even possible (and to some people, justifiable and the will of God).
George Michael, a famous singer who happens to be an openly gay man, was talking about his recovery from illness and said, "Did you know that while I was fighting for my life in Austria there were a bunch of those lovely American 'Christian' organizations, who call themselves Christians for a Moral America, who were actually taking the time to pray for me to die." Reportedly, they "were wholly against the openly gay singer's survival and apparently accused Michael of having AIDS rather than pneumonia." As if that wasn't enough, the group tweeted their justification for such actions: "Pray for George Michael's demise. He has chosen a satanic lifestyle and must meet an appropriate end" and "Apparently George Michael has AIDS. Figures since he's a homosexual and it goes with the territory. Another sodomite bites the dust?"
First of all, George Michael doesn't have AIDS, so the lack of truth from a Christian organization, especially based on an outrageous stereotype is appalling. Just because he is gay does not mean that he has AIDS. Such speculation is the poisonous thinking that Jesus taught against. Second, Jesus taught that we should love our neighbors as we love ourselves, and based on the story of the Good Samaritan, that includes people who we have been taught are impure or even enemies. Loving someone does not mean praying for their death or pronouncing judgment as you see fit for their lives. Who are we to decide what is an appropriate end for anyone, no matter what they do?
Now, I'm aware that this is a fairly extreme example, but the underlying principle is that there is a tendency to demonize people that are different or that we disagree with. Even though the two greatest commandments are to love, much of the teaching and doctrine deals with separating Christians from everyone else. And as we learned with Plessy v. Ferguson in our lessons from the Civil Rights Movement, separate but equal doesn't work, because our Western tendency is to compare different things and give them a value, causing them to have to be ranked. In any religion where we are taught that we are right and everyone else is wrong - misguided, deceived, even evil/demonic - it is nigh unto impossible to treat someone with love. It is perfectly alright to stand strong in your own beliefs, but you ought to be loving enough to allow others to love/respect people regardless of their religious leanings and/or beliefs.
So whether you agree with someone's lifestyle, religion, orientation, political stand, race, gender, denomination, or anything else that makes them different from you, God is love. God desires that Christians love others as they love themselves. If you wouldn't pray for your friend to die because they lied or because they cheated on their taxes or gossiped or any other 'sin,' then why would it be justifiable to pray that someone dies because of who they love? If you are going to claim to represent God and Jesus and all that they stand for, then you should examine what your love for your neighbor looks like, lest you become the priest and the Levite who walked by the man who needed help, acting in the very self-righteous hypocrisy that Jesus spent his ministry teaching against.
Day 276 - Walk it Out
"Relationships are challenging. Every relationship, whether it is parent/child, brother/sister, friendships or romantic ones. Yet if you love someone and they are truly important to you, then you'll put in the time and the effort." This was the status of one of my facebook friends, and I find it to be very true. While fairy tales and movies and tv have taught us that relationships tend to be easy or simple, real life hits us in the face with the sharp reality that this is not true. That is part of the reason that the divorce rate is 50% - no one wants to work through the real and the tough issues, because we expect that love will be all warm and fuzzy or end up with happily ever after once the dragon is slain or the the bad guy defeated. We figure once we get to the place of being together and establishing some kind of connection, there will be smooth sailing.
Unfortunately, that is not the case. Every living person has issues and baggage, and this will inevitably affect how they relate to other people.
I was having a conversation with one of my sisters and some other women about relationships, and one of the women who was recently married shared some of the issues she and her husband had prior to getting married. She spoke about the fact that he had broken up with her previously and a few other things. Later on, my sister confided in me that she didn't believe in such things - breaking up and getting back together - as part of how relationships were supposed to work. I have to admit that I'm of the same mindset. I always used to say, "they are an EX for a reason." But I think part of my reasoning for that is the fact that I have a great deal of patience. I am willing to work with you through most anything for a fair amount of time, but once you get to the end of my patience and I feel the need to end things, you have reached the point of no return.
Either way, what I learned in that conversation is that relationships often take much more work than we ever anticipate. They take the work of staying connected. They take the work of communnicating our feelings, even when we'd rather not or we are afraid. They take the work of being commited to spending time and being consistent. They take the work of remaining faithful, not allowing other people or other things become more important than the connection you share or to cause you to disrespect the relationship that you have. They take the work of making a decision to do what is necessary to make things work.
But we not only have to make that decision - we have to be intentional about walking it out, making that decision over and over again in our actions. This can be hard work when you are used to doing something a certain way or thinking a certain way, but as the quotation above says, if you really love someone and they are truly important, you will do what you need to do to make things work. Whether this is making an effort to call even though you don't like talking on the phone, carving out time to spend together in the midst of a busy schedule, being vulnerable enough to share as a means of strengthening the relationship, putting your past ways behind you, getting counseling if need be to help you be a better/healthier person, or any number of things, the amount of love that you have for a person will dictate what you are willing to do to make things work.
So, are there some things you could do better in your relationships? Are you faithfully caring and showing love? Are you communicating openly and frequently? Are you aware of the needs of the person you are relating to and doing what you can to fill them? Are you aware of your own needs and have you made those known so that your needs can be met as well? Are you taking care of you so that you can be the best mother, father, sister, brother, friend, lover, spouse, etc that you can be? Let's assess our relationships and decide to make them better today. Decide to do a little more to improve them. Ask those you are in relationship with what they need from you and do your best to make it happen.
I was having a conversation with one of my sisters and some other women about relationships, and one of the women who was recently married shared some of the issues she and her husband had prior to getting married. She spoke about the fact that he had broken up with her previously and a few other things. Later on, my sister confided in me that she didn't believe in such things - breaking up and getting back together - as part of how relationships were supposed to work. I have to admit that I'm of the same mindset. I always used to say, "they are an EX for a reason." But I think part of my reasoning for that is the fact that I have a great deal of patience. I am willing to work with you through most anything for a fair amount of time, but once you get to the end of my patience and I feel the need to end things, you have reached the point of no return.
Either way, what I learned in that conversation is that relationships often take much more work than we ever anticipate. They take the work of staying connected. They take the work of communnicating our feelings, even when we'd rather not or we are afraid. They take the work of being commited to spending time and being consistent. They take the work of remaining faithful, not allowing other people or other things become more important than the connection you share or to cause you to disrespect the relationship that you have. They take the work of making a decision to do what is necessary to make things work.
But we not only have to make that decision - we have to be intentional about walking it out, making that decision over and over again in our actions. This can be hard work when you are used to doing something a certain way or thinking a certain way, but as the quotation above says, if you really love someone and they are truly important, you will do what you need to do to make things work. Whether this is making an effort to call even though you don't like talking on the phone, carving out time to spend together in the midst of a busy schedule, being vulnerable enough to share as a means of strengthening the relationship, putting your past ways behind you, getting counseling if need be to help you be a better/healthier person, or any number of things, the amount of love that you have for a person will dictate what you are willing to do to make things work.
So, are there some things you could do better in your relationships? Are you faithfully caring and showing love? Are you communicating openly and frequently? Are you aware of the needs of the person you are relating to and doing what you can to fill them? Are you aware of your own needs and have you made those known so that your needs can be met as well? Are you taking care of you so that you can be the best mother, father, sister, brother, friend, lover, spouse, etc that you can be? Let's assess our relationships and decide to make them better today. Decide to do a little more to improve them. Ask those you are in relationship with what they need from you and do your best to make it happen.
Tuesday, January 10, 2012
Day 275 - From Now On
I have always loved this song, but I haven't heard it in a while. When my computer decided to bless me with it, I knew immediately that I needed to blog about it. Regina Bell, Glenn Lewis - thank you.
"Now I am standing here, where I wanna
be with you right next to me. And soon a
simple word or two will mark this special day and send us on our way into a
world where I'm not scared to say I do. I
do believe my dreams are safe with you."
It appears that a couple is standing at the end of an aisle awaiting a
ceremony that will forever connect them in a lifelong commitment. The man is saying that he is with the one he
wants and that they are connecting in a way that has empowered him to trust and
open up in this sacred space of love.
"From now on I give you my love. I offer my hand and the joy in my soul. From now on my heart will be whole. And over and over I fall. I surrender all, all of my life from now on." I love this chorus. It states that from this moment, a declaration of love and commitment are being made. While they have been connected before, it is this moment of declaration that seals it and makes it secure for both people involved. In such a space of mutual care and commitment, healing of the heart can indeed take place, because there is trust that this space will be there to provide for them both. In order for such a space to work, both parties have to agree and be vulnerable, surrendering fear, ego, pride, and all the things that keep us from truly connecting. Yet, despite the scary nature of such a step, when it is entered into together, it can create a space for deep love that can do nothing but grow deeper as the two walk together.
"Now I will promise you every breath I breathe will keep you close to me. So close that deep inside you'll know if ever we're apart, the love will light the dark, and bring it back to the night of our first kiss and back to tender moments just like this." The woman is promising that as long as she breathes, she will be close to her love, because her life and love have become one. They are so connected that even when they don’t occupy the same space, they can reminisce on shared moments and be reconnected and reunited in their love. Their love has the power to bring them back together no matter what they may face (together or separate), bringing light and power to their lives as they strive to walk through life together.
"From now on I give you my love. I offer my hand and the joy in my soul. From now on my heart will be whole. And over and over I fall. I surrender all, all of my life from now on." I love this chorus. It states that from this moment, a declaration of love and commitment are being made. While they have been connected before, it is this moment of declaration that seals it and makes it secure for both people involved. In such a space of mutual care and commitment, healing of the heart can indeed take place, because there is trust that this space will be there to provide for them both. In order for such a space to work, both parties have to agree and be vulnerable, surrendering fear, ego, pride, and all the things that keep us from truly connecting. Yet, despite the scary nature of such a step, when it is entered into together, it can create a space for deep love that can do nothing but grow deeper as the two walk together.
"Now I will promise you every breath I breathe will keep you close to me. So close that deep inside you'll know if ever we're apart, the love will light the dark, and bring it back to the night of our first kiss and back to tender moments just like this." The woman is promising that as long as she breathes, she will be close to her love, because her life and love have become one. They are so connected that even when they don’t occupy the same space, they can reminisce on shared moments and be reconnected and reunited in their love. Their love has the power to bring them back together no matter what they may face (together or separate), bringing light and power to their lives as they strive to walk through life together.
"Ooh, we will be together from now
on. From now on, baby, it's you and I
forever. From now on, here where we
belong." In this ending piece to
the song, they declare together that they will be joined forever. They are declaring that they will be
connected and committed, knowing that they belong together.
Day 274 - 10 Ways to Love
So, I saw a tweet the other day that suggested 10 ways to love, and it got me thinking, so I'm gonna talk about each one.
- Listen -There are few things in life that people need more than to be listened to. They need to know that someone hears them, that someone cares enough to hear what they have to say, what they feel, what hurts them, etc. So often in a conversation, we may just be waiting for our turn to speak rather than actually hearing what someone has to say. This is especially true if we think that we have the golden piece of advice that will fix all their problems. But if we are not really listening, then we are not really caring. It takes love and patience to listen to someone, especially if we feel some type of way about the issue that they are having, if we've heard this several times before, or if we have our own stuff going on. Yet, it's been said, "we have 2 ears and 1 mouth, which means we're supposed to listen twice as much as we talk." Even if you have nothing to say and all you can do is be present, be sure to listen to what is being said. You never know what it may teach you about yourself, the other person, or life in general. Once you've heard the person out, maybe then you can know enough to give some golden advice...
- Speak - As my entry Express Yourself said, it's important to share your feelings and express yourself. Silence can be deafening and heart-breaking when you hold back things that can bring life to another person's (and ultimately your own) emotional/mental/spiritual space. I admit that this is an area in which I need improvement, because as much as I'm a writer, I find it difficult to verbalize things much of the time, especially when they are close to my heart. But I recognize that, as someone who received a lot of silence and negative words, positive words are essential. Even if it tests your pride or you are used to holding your words, it is important to use your words and speak up, whether it's to tell someone you love them, to correct something (in a loving, constructive way), to express concern, to ask questions, to communicate what's going on with you, etc. If you can't speak, you will be greatly limiting your relationships. And if you don't feel the freedom to speak, you may not trust the love in a relationship...
- Give - When you love someone, it is pretty much second nature to want to give to them, even if it's just a glass of water. And when someone shows you love, it is typically a natural response to respond by giving them something, whether that is thanks, love, or something else in return. Love encourages us to open up and pour out, and that can be seen in giving. And you don't have to be rich to give things like time, love, listening ears, presence, a shoulder to cry on, encouragement, affirmation, etc. While much of the focus in a capitalistic society is on what you can get and acquire for yourself, it can be a beautiful thing to give to someone else. I know that I love to give, because the feeling I get from seeing someone receive and appreciate what's been given makes me feel better than being able to keep the money, the time, the words, etc for myself. That's the magic of giving - the more you give, the more you gain.
- Pray - This one is critical for me. Being a deeply spiritual person, God (and communicating with God) is a tremendously important thing for me. And because of the way I connect to people, I tend to carry them in my spirit, so it's natural to talk to God about them on a very regular basis. But even if you are not deeply spiritual, I believe that talking to Love about those who you have been given to care for is an important way of staying connected to Love and to yourself. In those moments of prayer, you can gain insight for your relationships and even connect to the person you love in a new way, especially when you pray with them. If you think a physical, mental, or emotional connection is powerful, test the waters of connecting spiritually as you pray with and for those in your life. Placing them in God's care is a great way of loving them, because God can do things that you cannot, and God is love after all...
- Answer - At first this one confused me a bit, but I realized that it simply means to respond. It means to be present enough in your relationship to be engaged and respond to what is going on. It can sometimes be easy to slip into a routine and just let things go or and even miss things, but I think this is telling us that one way of loving someone is to be present enough to see/hear/feel what is going on and carefully, intentionally respond. Whether it is their words or their actions that are asking a question or calling for help, be willing and able to answer in a way that shows them that they are loved.
- Share - While this is one of those things that was emphasized in Kindergarten as one of the essential things to do in life, many of us have difficulty doing so. Whether it's not sharing our stuff because we've learned to become possessive or mistrusting, sharing our feelings because our hearts have been hurt before and we don't want to be vulnerable again, sharing our past because we're ashamed and afraid of being rejected, sharing our thoughts because we are afraid of being ridiculed, or any number of things, we have forgotten what our Kindergarten self knew was crucial for life in community with others. When we share the box of crayons, we all have the ability to create a beautiful piece of art and share in what we've created. If I keep the crayons all to myself, I may be able to create a beautiful picture of my own, but I will never know what other people have to offer that may enhance my own life and expand my perspective. Just as love encourages us to open up and give, love can make us feel safe enough to give, even when our past tells us that it is wiser to hold back. When you can share with someone, you show that you love and trust that person, so don't hold yourself back from those who care for you. They need to know your depths as you need to know theirs. Sharing can be life-changing. Even if it's the little stuff that happened in your day, sharing allows you to open up and feel at ease in a given space, which we all want.
- Enjoy - This one is fairly straightforward. While relationships are not easy and everyone will experience challenging times, one of the major purposes of being with other people is to be able to make life a little happier and easier. Even though it will not be a 24/7 skip through the tulips, we can walk and live with a mind IN JOY, finding a positive edge that can be the prevailing thought of our lives. So much of life can be negative, so it helps to emphasize the positive. Sometimes you will need to just sit back and relax in the space provided by love without trying to figure it out, make a 50-year plan, analyze where things are going, or anything like that. Sometimes love is just meant to be felt and taken in, because love is the only thing that can heal your heart. So in the midst of all that may be going on, take a few moments a day to simply bask in and enjoy the love in your life, even if that is simply the love you have for yourself...
- Trust - This is a MAJOR one. It's been said that without trust, there is no love and there is no relationship. I couldn't agree more. Insecurity can be quite a beast, because it makes trust a nearly impossible feat, and all of us experience it to some degree and in some way for some reason. While this is true, that doesn't have to shape our reality. I will be the first to admit that I have insecurities that make trust a challenging exercise at times, but because I love myself (knowing that I deserve the beautiful love that I've been afforded) and I love those I'm in relationship with, I choose to trust that they care, that are going to be there for me, that they don't want to hurt me, that they won't take advantage of me, that they can handle me (to varying degrees), and that they have my best interests at heart. But beyond that, I trust that God is the ultimate protector of my heart, and so even if every single in my life walked out right now, I will not be completely destroyed, because God still loves me and will take care of me. That doesn't mean it wouldn't hurt like hell, but it wouldn't kill me. But to the point, love allows us to be open, but it is up to us to choose to walk in that openness, allowing others to enter our heart/intimate space and entrusting them with our being.
- Forgive - As humans, we are all prone to making mistakes. At some point in life, every person who we care anything about will hurt us to some degree. As unfortunate and disheartening as that can be, it is true. The question that comes out of such a reality is what will you do with that information. Will you let that be your justification for not connecting to people as a way of avoiding hurt? Or will you allow that information push you to take relationship seriously and cause you to be a more gracious, forgiving individual? Will you hold to everything that every one has ever done to you, desiring to seek revenge or see them suffer for even the smallest offense? Or will you make the decision to release those deeds done to you (intentional or not), setting yourself free from that anger and moving forward in your life? Forgiveness is about releasing yourself from anger for what was done - it doesn't mean that you condone or excuse the behavior and it doesn't mean you have to continue relationship with that person. It just means you will no longer waste time and energy carrying that pain around or wishing things had been different.
- Promise - Say what you mean and mean what you say. While I am a big fan of words, when those words become empty and are not accompanied by actions, they hurt even more than silence. So promise with your words as well as your actions. Allow your love to show. When your loved ones see that you are trustworthy, they will open up to you. This will invite you to do the same and create a greater space and depth of love.
Tuesday, January 3, 2012
Day 273 - Express Yourself
I am a word person. It's been said that "the pen is mightier than the sword." As a writer, I study, use, discuss, ponder, research, and otherwise slightly obsess over words. There is something about words that can change life, the world, and the landscape of a heart.
Of course, there are people who say that words are just words, especially when they are not accompanied by actions. And this is very true. But the power of words that have been first proven by action can be that much stronger and more beautiful.
Today, I was truly affirmed in the power of words. I received some words that really touched me. And of course, these words have been seen in the actions of the person prior. Yet, hearing the words and understanding the extent of what the actions spoke to made all the difference in the world. Now, part of the thing is that one of my primary love languages is Words of Affirmation. So maybe words are important for me.... But what I do know is that words can be powerful, especially when you know that the words are sincere and from the heart.
So what am I saying? It may sound cliche, but always be sure to express yourself. There is power in words. Don't be afraid to share how you feel with others. Life is truly precious, but so is love. You have no idea what your words can mean to someone else. So feel free to open up...
Of course, there are people who say that words are just words, especially when they are not accompanied by actions. And this is very true. But the power of words that have been first proven by action can be that much stronger and more beautiful.
Today, I was truly affirmed in the power of words. I received some words that really touched me. And of course, these words have been seen in the actions of the person prior. Yet, hearing the words and understanding the extent of what the actions spoke to made all the difference in the world. Now, part of the thing is that one of my primary love languages is Words of Affirmation. So maybe words are important for me.... But what I do know is that words can be powerful, especially when you know that the words are sincere and from the heart.
So what am I saying? It may sound cliche, but always be sure to express yourself. There is power in words. Don't be afraid to share how you feel with others. Life is truly precious, but so is love. You have no idea what your words can mean to someone else. So feel free to open up...
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