Day 255 - Thanksgiving

Thankful Today is a day set aside to give thanks for the many things that we have in our lives. Love has a way of opening our hearts to a more expressive level of gratitude. When I walk and live with an eye toward love, I am able to see beauty in more things. I see the greatness in those who I love, but I also have the mind to look for that which is great in other people and in the world around me. When I see the positive more than the negative, what’s not to be thankful for? Granted, I have a tendency to look for the good in things and people more than is apparent (even to them), but I am a fan of silver linings and the beauty in things. On the other side, Love and life have taught me that the way of love isn’t sparkly and wonderful as you skip through the tulips. It can definitely cause you more pain and heartache than you ever wanted to see, but it can also bring the most amazing blessings and joys that your life has ever seen. And through all of that, love has the potential to cause amazing growth in you if you let it. So, in being thankful this year (because you just knew a list of things was coming), I will reflect on the rose and its thorns when it comes to love. I am thankful for… The power that love has to provide us with internal strength and security. The questions that it causes us to ask of self, others, and God. The fact that sometimes a fight is necessary to get/keep love. The feeling that seeing that name/face on the caller ID of the phone brings. That feeling of knowing that we are loved and supported… for real this time. The way that the knowledge that we are loved can grow our sense of self-worth. The pain that we experience as a result of feeling the pain of someone we love. The feeling we get when we first realize that it is indeed love… …and the feeling of being reassured over and over and over again. As you enjoy whatever food will be in abundance today, remember to be thankful for that life-altering phenomenon that is most likely the reason that you’re thankful for the people/things on your list. Remember to be the reason that someone else can be thankful by giving more love today and every day. And remember that I love you, and I’m thankful for your presence in my life.

Day 254 - Make it Last Forever

So I was trying to figure out something to blog about, and I was on the phone with one of my friends. I asked her, and while her response was something that wouldn’t necessarily work, I was inspired by a song that she listens to/sings a lot. Having decided that, I looked up the song, and here it is. “Make it last. Make it last forever (Ever). Don't let end our love end. Let's make it last. Let's make it last forever and ever. Don't our let our love end (Oh...don't let love end).” This song makes a simple request from the beginning – make it last. Both of the parties involved have a strong desire to keep their relationship and their love going, and they are asking the other to aid them in making that happen. I think it’s significant that both people are fully invested and that they want the love (not just the relationship) to last. It’s one thing to remain in relationship with someone, but it’s another to remain in love. “Let me hear you tell me you love me. Let me hear you say you'll never leave me. Ooh, girl, that would make me feel so right. Let me hear you tell me you want me. Let me hear you say you'll never leave me, baby, until the morning light.” He is asking his girl to verbally affirm her love and commitment to him. He wants and needs to hear how she feels as reassurance. “Let me tell you how much I love you. Let me tell you that I really need you, baby, baby, baby, I will make it all right. No one but you, baby, can make me feel the way you make me, make me, make me feel.” She responds by pouring out her heart, telling him how she feels. She even assures him that she will work to make things go well because no one can make her feel the way that he does. “Your touch is wonderful. Your love is so marvelous. Joy, that's what I feel when I'm with you. Nothing, no one (No one, boy) could compare to what we have (Hell, no, baby). Love, it feels so good. I'm so glad you're mine.” Then they sing together, describing their connection. There is a beauty in the touch and in the love that they share. Their connection is so awesome that they experience joy (more than happiness) when they are together. They have no doubt had other relationships in their lives, but they have found that nothing else has compared what they currently experience with each other. They have found love, and it makes them truly appreciate one another. “Ooh, give me kisses (kisses), love me (love me), hold me (hold me), squeeze me (squeeze me). Chillin' (Chillin'), come on (Come on). I love you (You know I do). Make it last forever. Don't let our love end (And ever) (No, don't you let it end) You got to make it last. Never, never, never let it end. Just make it last forever (I loved to) and ever. (Woo, oh) I want our love to last a lifetime (I'd give it up, give it up for you) Ooh, tell me, tell me you'll always be mine (I love you, love you, love you, love you, love you) To make love forever and ever. We've got to make it last. Got to make it, got to make it, got to make it, got to make it, oh, baby. Oh, honey (Oh, honey) I love you (I love you). Ooh, you're the best thing in my world; you’re the only thing in the world. I love you so.” I have to admit that this part was a bit interesting to type up, but as I thought about it, love isn’t always easily articulated and sometimes it comes out as it did in this duet – impassioned, spontaneous, etc. So you can read the lyrics and imagine yourself in their shoes. Know that love has an intellectual component that deals with making the decision to make the relationship work, but it’s also important to understand that the heart has a way of taking over and expressing itself in ways that defy the mind. The point is that love and connection are beautiful things, but they take work, cooperation, and intentional action to maintain. So make it last.

Day 253 - The Depths of Her Heart

Because this song refused to leave me alone, I had to take some time with it. I broke it down further, and then I wrote a short story based on it. Maybe now it stop affecting me so deeply…. “And as you cried in my arms, you woke up my heart, and I saw again what I found in you.” As you opened up your being to me – the present manifestation of which is tears – because of your proximity to me (be it physically in my arms or held close to me in relationship), you sparked something in my soul, reawakening me to what is within you and awakening me to new possibilities as it relates to my own heart and capacity to love. “Cuz her heart/love won’t let me lose her. No matter how hard I try, I just can’t say good-bye and lose her.” There’s a depth and a strength in her heart/love that is like a magnetic force. Its energy, which includes an enduring beauty, a deeply comforting peace, and extraordinary healing power, is so awesome and amazing that I know my life would be less whole and complete without it. even though it challenges me and is more than I want to deal with at times, I cannot risk losing it, because it adds such a beauty to my life. Though I have tried to push her away and even seek replacements/substitutes, she consistently loved me, not letting me go or allowing my immaturity or my baggage to deter her love and care. So I will hold on to her and to that heart/love as I let it grow me to a place where I can truly appreciate, receive, and reciprocate it. As I turned back to face her, something in me broke. I couldn’t articulate it, but something was different. She was just as beautiful as ever, and I wasn’t sure what to do in that moment except let her come to me as we both felt things shift. I really liked her, there was no question at all about that that, but I couldn’t… I just couldn’t seem to get it together, to say it, to really show it. I wanted to – trust – but there was so much that stood in my way that I couldn’t even full express or understand…. But I cared about her, and I think she understood that, even though it’d been ages and obstacles since I’d said it. I loved her deeply, and there was nothing I could about it. She looked at me as I held her closer, her beautiful eyes open and sad, silently screaming to me to open up and let her in and love her as we both knew I wanted and needed to. I wanted to push her away and not have to deal with the swelling feelings… but at the same time, I wanted her to be closer than ever as I began to feel what she felt in me. I could see in her eyes that she was picking up the turmoil in my heart, that she wanted to help and hold me, hide me in her tiny arms, and let me be the free, loving person that my heart ached to be…. But I wouldn’t let her… would I? I mean, could I? was I even capable at this point? My heart had been so long wrapped up in its own mess and frustration and pain that I found it difficult to function emotionally on any deep level before things got scary and I would run…. And I’d been good at running… until her. She had a way of pushing me when I pushed and checking me in a way that got me. I loved it, though I wouldn’t admit it to her… not that she didn’t already know. she seemed to know or at least anticipate everything… which is why I just knew she’d somehow orchestrated this moment. Even if she didn’t do anything on purpose to make it happen, I felt like her connection with God had pulled on God’s very heart and opened the doors to have me here. I wasn’t supposed to be here right now, in this moment, feeling this way, looking into her eyes, which I just knew were gonna explode with tears at any moment. I loved her, but I didn’t want to do this – be this open, make this move, have to face the demons that stood at the gate of my heart and my so-called security. With her, I’d attempted to let go, but there was so much more that I needed to let go of and release, and I wasn’t sure if I could… if I was ready for that. But as I looked into her beautiful eyes, and I began to catch her silent tears with my hand, it began. Down in the deepest part of me, I felt something. It was indescribable except to say that it was powerful, rumbling like thunder inside me. I wanted to run or break free or do something… anything…. But I couldn’t get free. I was stuck in her eyes, feeling myself being drawn out of my own depths and from behind my own walls, pushing past everything as I began to come to the surface of my own life. I couldn’t stop it if I tried, and I felt my entire being swelling with this magic, this strength, this strange power – like it was infecting me, inhabiting me, taking me over, and changing everything in and around me. I wanted to run, but as I began to ease into it and let it settle over me, I could feel a shift. Her heart beating against my chest became strangely apparent, and I was truly aware of it for the first time. Her heart… the thing that had me standing here praying for transformation and thankfully receiving it. it was her heart and her energy and her love that led me not just into her arms but into the arms of the One who truly loved me and who was changing me now through her heart and her touch. She was one powerful woman, and I was thankful that she loved me. I couldn’t… wouldn’t have event tried except for… well, her heart. Her heart had opened to me long ago and had been faithfully there no matter what. Through ups and downs and other women, through more than anyone should have to endure… all because she loved me and she was trusting God to do this in me. That’s when I knew, when I realized that her focus was me being better and not just being her boo. I cared about her, and “as she cried in my arms, she woke up my heart” to what Love is and love is supposed to be…. As I vowed before God in that moment to be a changed person, I pulled her closer and began to release my own liquid emotions…. Down, down, down they poured, landing in her hair as I buried my face there and held on to her for dear life, never wanting to let go for anything. She was truly my joy and life in that moment, and I couldn’t imagine anything else more beautiful than what she was sharing with me. It was the definition of intimacy in this space between us and God – this place of love where my darkness and turmoil were giving way to light…. I’d simply needed to be semi willing and let her give me what she been trying to give me since we met – love. I was thankful for her. She had just changed my life, and I was enthralled… fascinated by this beautiful woman who had opened me with a hug and her openness in tears. As we eventually untangled ourselves from the thick emotions and spiritual energy flowing around us, I found her eyes again. Though slightly red from the tears, they held a love and a peace and a joy that sent a wave through my body. I knew that she loved me, and I’d never seen it more plainly than I did in her eyes right then…. I wanted to forever capture that, but for some reason, I felt that I would be seeing it for a long time to come… I love her.

Day 251 - The Foolishness of Preaching

As I sit in Trinity Baptist Church last night on the 2nd day of the Ellison-Jones Convocation that is hosted annually by Virginia Union University, listening to one of my favorite preachers in the world (Dr. Gina M. Stewart), I sat in awe of what God was doing in that moment.  This woman did not know me (though we are friends on Facebook), had not spoken to me that day, and knew nothing of the million things that were going through my head as I walked into the church that night....  Yet, somehow she was able to take a text that I enjoy and speak to exactly where I was while making a scripture that I already hold dear that much more powerful to me.  This is not the first time she has done this.  Last year at Ellison and in June at the Hampton University Ministers' Conference, she did the same thing, speaking to EXACTLY where I was.  As you might imagine, this is part of why she is one of my favorite preachers in the world.

But what her sermons (and other preachers who I like to listen to - of which there are admittedly few) make me realize more than anything else is that God has a way of providing exactly what you need when you need it.  Dr. Stewart had no idea when I walked into the sanctuary that night that I had told my sister friend in the car on the way over that I needed a word from God.  She was not sitting beside me when I wrote in my journal the previous morning about the dream I'd had and the concerns it placed on my heart.  She did not see the tears that fell or feel the ache in my heart the night before... but God did.  She just happened to be obedient to her call and deliver a message that God knew I would need at that precise time.
While I have been in church my entire life and heard MANY sermons, I am coming to truly appreciate the time that a good preacher will spend in prayer and preparation to bring forth something that has the power to change someone's life.  But not only that - it reminds me just how much God loves me.  Had any other sermon been preached that night, I would not have gotten what I needed.  God knew enough to place Dr Stewart on the program, inspire me to go, enable my car to work so I could get to the school, guide my friend to take me to the church that evening, and let her preach that particular last night (as opposed to today when I had to work)....  I'm beginning to understand more and more the verse that says, "all things work together for the good of them that love the Lord and are called according to His purpose" (Romans 8:28). 
My challenge to you today is two-fold.  First, trust your instincts and that "something told me" that leads you.  Chances are God is trying to give/show you something that will bless your life.  Whether you need a word from God to give you reason to go on or you are trying to find a job or a boo or whatever the case may be, you will not likely get a billboard-sized announcement.  Look for God in the little things, asking for what you need, because God will most likely meet you.  Second: give what you feel led to give.  Just as you are led to people/places to receive, people are being directed to you.  You have no idea how the word or hug or smile or Facebook status or tweet can affect someone else.  (And to the preachers, this goes double for the sermons you preach.)
[SN: The title of the post comes from a line in Dr Stewart's sermonic prayer.]

Day 250 - Standards

I was watching a movie the other day, and I was slightly puzzled by some of what I saw.  There was a man who seemed to have a decent following of women, but he was, in my opinion, less than appealing.  Now I definitely try not to make assumptions about people based on how they look, but then his actions confirmed some of what his appearance hinted at.  Of course, this is a movie, and the stereotypes and stock characters were in full effect all over the place, but it got me thinking.  This man had a few women around him, trying to be near him, but he was abusive, less than attractive, and just all around unappealing.  Once again, I'm aware that it's a movie, and the writer(s) placed these people together, but I think it has a strong resemblance to what happens in real life.

How often do we deal with people who are less than ideal for our lives?  I don't want to say beneath us, because I believe that we are all equal - we just have different life experiences and are in different places in our lives.  This is not to say that we cannot learn things from people who are different from us, because I have learned some of my most profound lessons from people who I didn't expect to.  What I'm really getting at is why we allow ourselves to be and stay connected to people who have no idea how to treat us (and very often themselves).  It's one thing to happen upon someone who turns out to be less than awesome and respectful - we all have those experiences where we encounter someone who was great at hiding their true selves.  The issue is when, even upon recognizing that someone is going to treat us a certain no matter what we say, we choose to stay there.

I was talking to a friend the other day, and she was talking about types of people who she finds in her life and the fact that she wants to change that.  I believe that the first step to making a change is to recognize the person/people you are dealing with.  Maya Angelou once said, “The first time someone shows you who they are, believe them.”  This can be a hard pill to swallow, especially if you are looking at them through the rose-colored lenses of attraction or puppy love, but the truth behind this statement is immense.  Most people will not change in significant ways, especially if they have been that way for years.  Now, younger people have the benefit of still being more malleable as they are working to find themselves and their identity, but the older you get, the less likely you are to change significantly.  Granted, there is space for forgiveness and grace, but you have to understand that people's actions come out from some place within, and if you're not okay with that place, you may need to move on. 

Thus, if someone shows you that they little respect for females, that will likely remain the case.  Even if they marry a female and have a female child, those prejudices will not likely vanish.  They may have enough sense to treat those close to them with a measure of love and respect, but their overall opinion of women will probably not change.  And if you are trying to be the significant female in this person's life despite seeing this in them, what does that say about how you see yourself?  Maybe you have a desire to change them or you think you can be the one to help them get past those views... But is a romantic relationship the best way to do that?  They may need changing, but why do you have to be the one to change them?  Have you considered what it might cost you to try to transform someone, especially when they haven't asked for your help?

My suggestion is to take a good long look at yourself.  Where are you in your life (mentally, physically, emotionally, socially, spiritually, financially, etc)?  Where are you trying to go?  Who is closest to you in your life?  (Pick the 5 most influential or connected people - those who get most of your attention, energy, time, money, etc.)  Are they where you are or where you want to be?  Are they contributing more substantial positive to your life than negative (I'm sorry, but an orgasm doesn't count as a substantial positive unless there is more connected to it)?  Are they teaching you meaningful things (about life, yourself, relationships, etc)?  Even if things aren't perfect, do you sense that there is purpose and possibility in the relationship?  If the answers to these questions are not yes, you may need to re-evaluate said relationship.  

While this is not always obvious in the media, the purpose of relationships in our lives is ideally to help you grow into a better, more whole individual.  Mary J. Blige sang one of my favorite lines ever: "your healing is in me, and my healing is in you."  In some way, all of our closest relationships ought to reflect this reality.  It's okay to have acquaintances and such that don't make major contributions to our lives, but the main relationships in our lives ought to be safe spaces where there is at least an understanding of healing and growth on both ends.  Sometimes it will be more in one direction than the other, but overall there should be a balance.  Even with friendships, this should be the case.

I know that I tend to be a caregiver.  For the longest time, it was very difficult for me to allow people to help me or to take care of me.  Thus, a lot of my relationships felt unbalanced.  Some of that was because I wouldn't let people take care of me, but some of that was because people simply took advantage of my giving nature.  I had to learn 2 things: 1. how to let other people do things for me and pour into me, and 2. how to know discern when people were just in my life to take because they knew that I would give.  Once I recognized their motives, I then had to have the strength to let them go (or at least give them much less of my time and energy).  I also know that I have a tendency to see things in people that they don't necessarily see in themselves or to believe the best about people in spite of some evidence to the contrary, and I sometimes relate to them based on that and not where they are.  Because of what I sense, I sometimes ignore what other people would see as red flags.  I have had to learn to be realistic in my relations with people.  This is not to say that I don't give people the benefit of the doubt or allow people to grow, but I still have to be mindful of what a person shows me.

At the end of the day, I'm saying that you have to have standards.  Just because people walk into your life doesn't mean that you need to invite them to sit down and stay.  It's true that sometimes people have purposes in our lives that we can't anticipate upon first meeting them, so it's important not to write anyone off.  At the same time, it is important to be ever discerning as you get to know someone, because people have an amazing way of telling on themselves if you pay attention, even when they are doing their best to portray a certain image.  You have to be willing to recognize things in people and act accordingly for your own sake.  No one can take care of you better than you can, but you have to be willing to do so.  You cannot let just anyone inhabit your most intimate space.  Some people simply can't handle it, and they will treat you badly because they are unable to deal with where you are.  This is not an indictment against them as a bad person - they simply are not equipped to deal with who/where you are. Raise your standards.  Know that you are worth great things.  Treat yourself well, and strive to be a quality person (not just a person with quality things).  Value yourself and be exclusive with your time, your heart, and your life when it comes to close relationships.  Show love to everyone, but only share love with a select few....

Day 249 - You are Loved

"You are loved just for being yourself.  So that means you can be free.  Can you feel it?  Breathe in slowly, and breathe out with a grin."

As I was looking for some art to blog about today, I came across these 2 things.  The first looks to be the cover of a greeting card.  The message is simple and so true - "never forget that you are loved!"  That love starts with God and continues through family, friends, community members, and (ideally) yourself.  If you feel that you are lacking in the 3 in the middle, allow the first and the last ones to surround you and inform your life until the others fall into place.  And if you are blessed to know great love from those around you, appreciate it and reciprocate it. 
The second is an equally beautiful thought.  It says something that I continue to embrace and give as truth - the fact that I am loved for who I am.  I don't have to earn it or make myself worthy of it.  Love finds me simply because I'm here.  True love can look at you and require nothing from you while still embracing you fully.  And because you are already loved, you don't have to worry about trying to be loved and earn it by fitting someone's idea of what you should be.  The knowledge (and receipt) of the fact that you are loved should be enough to liberate you to be you and to live the life that God created you to as you were created to live it. 
I challenge you to take a moment - close your eyes, turn off all the noise and distractions, breathe slowly and deeply, and focus.  Think on the fact that God loves you deeply, completely, and without condition.  Think on those who love you and those who show you love (even if it isn't always perfect).  Think on the love that you have for yourself.  Think on the fact that you are awesome just as you are and that love is something you deserve just by virtue of the fact that you are breathing.  Receive the love that's in your life and open your heart for more.
And remember that if no one else tells you that they love you, God does, and I do too.  Thanks for being you.

Day 248 - Lessie Rose Alcin

My sister friend Lessie, aka Jeri is definitely one of the beautiful people.  We met when she first came to STVU, and we clicked immediately.  I even called her my new best friend.  Ever since then, we have we been good friends (minus a moment in time when a brief hiccup split us up, and even then, we couldn’t stay apart for long).  We talk everyday, and we share much of our lives.  She's got to be one of my very best friends.

She embodies the Rose that is her middle name.  She is beautiful and sweet and soft.  She is definitely a diva who believes in dressing, and it was her shoe game that first inspired me to step up my own.  She takes pride in being her fashionably fly self.  And that outer goodness is the outer manifestation of an inner tenderness.   She is divinely connected and gifted.  She has a gift of song and a gift for preaching, the depths of which the world will be blessed to see.  And she has a naturally nurturing spirit, making her beloved by all the young people who encounter her.

But do understand that, like any rose, this one has thorns, which are there for protection.  She is a G about those she loves, so you will wanna think twice about mistreating anyone she loves. This caring, protective nature is part of what makes her beautiful.  

So to my good friend, Jeri, I love you.  Thanks for being the beautiful you...

  

Day 247 - Her Heart

So, I rarely buy a song on iTunes after hearing it only once, but this one touched me so deeply when I heard it on Pandora that I had to buy it and listen to see why it was pulling on me so.  The second time I listened, I caught more of the words, especially in the chorus, and I found myself boohooing.  I mean, I was crying some real tears.  This shocked me – I had never had such a reaction to a song, and I wasn’t sure what it was that resonated so strongly, because I’m not in this situation.  Either way, the strong reaction let me know that I needed to do something with it, so here we go. 

“I had a habit of messing up – staying out late and getting drunk.  I let you down a thousand times – broken promises.  It’s like I ran away from you.  My career was my excuse, until I saw you bout to drown in your own tears.”  The singer appears to have been a less than great relationship partner.  He admits to essentially neglecting her, breaking promises, and even running from her.  While at first glance, he appears to just be a jerk, it appears that his actions may be due to fear and not lack of concern/care.  Using his career as his excuse, he sheltered himself while still keeping her around… until he saw the pain that she was in because of what he was doing (as made evident by her tears). 

“And as you cried you in my arms, you woke up my heart, and I saw again what I found in you.  Cuz her heart, her heart won’t let me lose her.  No matter how I try, I just can’t say good-bye and lose her.”  So as he held her and she cried, his heart was touched and even reawakened to the love that he had for her.  It was like seeing her again for the first time, experiencing that love for her anew.  He saw the depth and strength and care of her heart, and because of that, he is unable to let her go.  Her heart makes him unable to bear losing her.

“When all the folks were said and done, you were there to welcome me home.  I was convicted cuz your love never wavered.  I know you love me more than me, and you vowed to love through anything.  I never had the kind of love that was forever.”  At the end of it all, when the fans and groupies were gone, she was at home waiting for him.  He feels guilty for what he’s done and for treating her the way he has, because she has been faithful and consistent in loving him through it all.  He recognizes that her feelings for him are probably deeper than his for her, especially because she has promised to love him through his foolishness. And she has done so.  For him, this is a new thing.  He says he’s never had a forever love (which makes me wonder what he has been dealing with and calling it love), so he may still be adjusting and getting used to the idea of really having a love that will last and what that will mean.  Finding that kind of love is life-changing, because it has the ability to change how you act and how you view your life and yourself and other people.  It can be a lot to handle, especially when your previous experiences have been less than wonderful or when you aren’t yet mature enough to (want to) embrace it.

“Her love, her love won’t let me lose her.”  Yet, despite the difficulties and what it makes him face within himself, her love is so wonderful and life-affirming to him that he cannot let her go. 

Real love has a hold of finding us when we least expect it.  And its power is so deep and grand and all-consuming that we may find ourselves unwilling and unable to let it go when it presents itself.  There is nothing like it….

Day 246 - Jaime Patterson

(I need to catch up with my Beautiful People entries, and this one just happens to fall on the lovely lady's birthday.)

Jaime Patterson has got to be one of my absolutely favorite people in the world.  When I met her, I liked her instantly, and I'm pretty sure it happens that way with most of the human population.  We met when I was dating one of her friends, and we have been good friends ever since (over 3 years now).  The first thing I noticed about her is the fact that she's hilarious.  We share a sense of humor that includes a mix of sarcasm and that of a 12-year-old boy... which is quite comical, given her Snow White tendencies.  :)  She has the ability to make anyone laugh (with her most of the time). 

One of the things that makes her a beautiful person is her huge heart.  If ever anyone is in need or has an issue, Jaime has a way of bringing help, comfort, and wisdom into any situation.  And because of her humor, she can mix that with some words that are sure to make you laugh and put you at ease.  Because of her life and experiences, she has a strength that helps her to push through and press forward.  Over the time that I've known her, I have seen her grow tremendously as a result of said strength and her heart for God, which keeps her on track and centered. 

She for me also epitomizes the definition of an artist.  Art isn't just something she does from time to time behind the camera, but it's something that she tends to live and breathe.  I have a feeling that it flows from her very spirit and soul.  She is beautiful, and she brings beauty to her surroundings.  
I'm glad for the laughs, the food, the tv, the photos, the prayers, the God moments, the friendship, and all that we've shared.  Jaime Patterson, you are indeed a beautiful person. Happy 35th birthday, and thanks for being beautiful you.

Day 244 - Never Felt This Way

"There will never come a day you will ever hear me say that I want or need to be without you.  I want to give my all.  Baby, just hold me, simply control me, because your arms, they keep away the lonely.  When I look into your eyes, then I realize all I need is you in my life, all I need is you in my life.  Cuz I never felt this way about loving.  No, never felt so good, baby, never felt this way about loving.  It feels so good." 
This song is a beautiful one.  I have loved it since I first heard it years ago.  While it is short, it has a powerful message that speaks of a deeper experience of love.  The singer has come to recognize that the person in her life is truly irreplaceable.  She needs this love in her life, and she is willing to give her all to make sure that it remains.  The presence of her love, the comfort that her love's arms brings, the security she feels, and the fact that that presence has the power to make her feel connected... all of this contribute to this being an amazing, indispensable love.  I find this interesting, because not all people's presence has that ability, so when you find someone who has the ability to change you in a positive sense with their presence, that is something to pay attention to and hold to.
And it's been said that eyes are the windows to the soul.  There is something about looking into someone's eyes and seeing things that words might not be able to articulate.  There are moments when that kind of connection can make it clear just how deeply we need other folks, especially people who can make us feel loved and precious.  She has had such a moment in her love's eyes that has made her realize just how important love is.
And in all her life, she has never found a love that has made her feel the way that this one has.  She has undoubtedly experienced love before, but there is something about this one that makes all the previous ones pale in comparison.  It's been said that one day you will meet someone who makes you suddenly realize why none of the other relationships worked out, and I would venture to say that she has met that one....  While love should always inspire confidence, it is clear that this particular relationship has opened her to an understanding of love that she hasn't previously possessed.  And it feels good....  :)

Day 243 - Thy Will Be Done

So, this was the first song that I listened to yesterday.  It's been quite a while since I heard the song, but it definitely resonated with me today as I listened to it.  While it is not a traditional love song, it speaks volumes about love.  It speaks about a trust that I think is key, especially in relating to the Divine, who is the creator, orchestrator, and keeper of love.  And when in a relationship, it is important to remember that as much as you trust and love the other person, your trust should ultimately be in God as you navigate those waters, because God knows the future of the relationship and how to be take care of your heart.  Though the person may love you, you life should not ultimately in their hands.

"I can't lie and say I always understand why the rain falls on me, and I have to admit, I feel my faith is gone.  It's easy to believe when sorrow never comes your way.  And when I try to pray, it seems the words they come out wrong." There have definitely been some moments recently and in life where I felt that anything resembling faith had slipped away from me, because hard times tend to have that effect.  When things are going wrong and your emotions look like they've been in a blender, it's easy to feel discouraged and question what it going on, asking "why me?"  At moments like that, it's hard for anyone to be eloquent, and words may not even be possible or coherent.
"So everything that matters to me - I give it all to You, cuz I'm tired of the way the crying feels.  And just to let you know I have been hurt so many times, so I pray to God that this time love's for real.  So even though I can't see what tomorrow may bring, I believe in You cuz You believe in me, and even when the night makes the light hard to see, Thy kingdom come, Thy will be done."  At that point, it is time to surrender.  It is time to come to the feet of God and lay yourself and your issues there.  I know I've been at the point where I can't cry anymore, don't wanna cry anymore, too tired to cry.  The pain gets to be too great, especially when thinking about previous pain of a similar nature, feeling like how did I let myself get into this situation again?  It appears that the singer has been heartbroken and is telling God that the hurt is nothing new for her, and she is asking God to provide the real love that she has lacked.  She is also deciding to trust God and say that even without a knowledge of what the future will bring, she will believe that God wants and provide what is best for her.  She is surrendering to say that God's will is sufficient, and she will go with that.
"I can't lie and say I always smile but I try.  The tears sometimes they come, and nothing people say can ease the pain.  Oh but when I close my eyes, I see You reaching out for me.  You tell me that this test I'm in, it won't last always."  As positive as most people try to be, there will always come those moments in life when a smile just isn't possible, even with love and comfort from friends.  But the beauty of Love is that Love has the ability to reassure us.  We can know that, when we decide to live God's will for our lives, God will be with us to help us accomplish that.  So even though we will go through things that will test our patience and cause us pain and frustration, there is assurance that this will not be the entirety of our lives.
"And though the seasons may change, still Your love it remains.  When this world soon shall pass, we'll be together at last."  So while life will always have its ups and downs, taking us through changes and phases, we can be sure that Love will remain as a constant presence in our lives.  And on the other side of life, we will then have eternity to share with Love as well.

Day 242 - You

This has always been one of my favorite love songs...  The song is beautiful, and well, yeah...

“I finally found the nerve to say I’m gonna make a change in my life starting here today.  I surrender all my love.  I never thought I could.  I’m giving all my love away and there’s only one reason that I would.”  Admittedly, love can be a scary endeavor, but the singer of today's song has decided to make the leap.  Not only has he found love, but he's decided to make a commitment to that love, surrendering the strength of his love to one person.  And why, you may ask?

“And baby it’s you. The way you walk.  The way you talk.  The way you say my name.  Your smile.  The way you move me.  The way you soothe me.  The way you sleep softly through the night.  Every morning you rise and open your eyes, I just wanna be there with you, babe.  I just wanna be yours from this day forth.”  He has found the strength, courage, and desire to give all his love because of the love in his life.  His significant other has inspired and motivated him to change his life and the way he loves.  And it is because of all the great things that make his love unique.  He wants to make a commitment to be with his love for life, relishing the chance to be in the presence of his love....

“Next year, let’s call this day our anniversary – the day I put my heart in your hand and said that it was yours to keep.  From this moment on, say that you’ll always be mine, cuz girl, when I’m alone with you, there’s only one thing that’s on my mind.”  For him, an anniversary isn't necessarily a marriage marker.  It's about a date of significance in the relationship - namely the day that he made the decision to commit himself to her, trusting his heart to their relationship and their love.  He is asking for her to commit the same thing, because what they share and what he feels with her is sufficient for him, and he desires that she feels the same.