Day 274 - 10 Ways to Love

So, I saw a tweet the other day that suggested 10 ways to love, and it got me thinking, so I'm gonna talk about each one.

1. Listen -There are few things in life that people need more than to be listened to.  They need to know that someone hears them, that someone cares enough to hear what they have to say, what they feel, what hurts them, etc.  So often in a conversation, we may just be waiting for our turn to speak rather than actually hearing what someone has to say.  This is especially true if we think that we have the golden piece of advice that will fix all their problems.  But if we are not really listening, then we are not really caring.  It takes love and patience to listen to someone, especially if we feel some type of way about the issue that they are having, if we've heard this several times before, or if we have our own stuff going on.  Yet, it's been said, "we have 2 ears and 1 mouth, which means we're supposed to listen twice as much as we talk."  Even if you have nothing to say and all you can do is be present, be sure to listen to what is being said.  You never know what it may teach you about yourself, the other person, or life in general.  Once you've heard the person out, maybe then you can know enough to give some golden advice...
2. Speak - As my entry Express Yourself said, it's important to share your feelings and express yourself.  Silence can be deafening and heart-breaking when you hold back things that can bring life to another person's (and ultimately your own) emotional/mental/spiritual space.  I admit that this is an area in which I need improvement, because as much as I'm a writer, I find it difficult to verbalize things much of the time, especially when they are close to my heart.  But I recognize that, as someone who received a lot of silence and negative words, positive words are essential.  Even if it tests your pride or you are used to holding your words, it is important to use your words and speak up, whether it's to tell someone you love them, to correct something (in a loving, constructive way), to express concern, to ask questions, to communicate what's going on with you, etc.  If you can't speak, you will be greatly limiting your relationships.  And if you don't feel the freedom to speak, you may not trust the love in a relationship...
3. Give - When you love someone, it is pretty much second nature to want to give to them, even if it's just a glass of water.  And when someone shows you love, it is typically a natural response to respond by giving them something, whether that is thanks, love, or something else in return.  Love encourages us to open up and pour out, and that can be seen in giving.  And you don't have to be rich to give things like time, love, listening ears, presence, a shoulder to cry on, encouragement, affirmation, etc.  While much of the focus in a capitalistic society is on what you can get and acquire for yourself, it can be a beautiful thing to give to someone else.  I know that I love to give, because the feeling I get from seeing someone receive and appreciate what's been given makes me feel better than being able to keep the money, the time, the words, etc for myself.  That's the magic of giving - the more you give, the more you gain.
4. Pray - This one is critical for me.  Being a deeply spiritual person, God (and communicating with God) is a tremendously important thing for me.  And because of the way I connect to people, I tend to carry them in my spirit, so it's natural to talk to God about them on a very regular basis.  But even if you are not deeply spiritual, I believe that talking to Love about those who you have been given to care for is an important way of staying connected to Love and to yourself.  In those moments of prayer, you can gain insight for your relationships and even connect to the person you love in a new way, especially when you pray with them.  If you think a physical, mental, or emotional connection is powerful, test the waters of connecting spiritually as you pray with and for those in your life.  Placing them in God's care is a great way of loving them, because God can do things that you cannot, and God is love after all...
5. Answer - At first this one confused me a bit, but I realized that it simply means to respond.  It means to be present enough in your relationship to be engaged and respond to what is going on.  It can sometimes be easy to slip into a routine and just let things go or and even miss things, but I think this is telling us that one way of loving someone is to be present enough to see/hear/feel what is going on and carefully, intentionally respond.  Whether it is their words or their actions that are asking a question or calling for help, be willing and able to answer in a way that shows them that they are loved.  
6. Share - While this is one of those things that was emphasized in Kindergarten as one of the essential things to do in life, many of us have difficulty doing so.  Whether it's not sharing our stuff because we've learned to become possessive or mistrusting, sharing our feelings because our hearts have been hurt before and we don't want to be vulnerable again, sharing our past because we're ashamed and afraid of being rejected, sharing our thoughts because we are afraid of being ridiculed, or any number of things, we have forgotten what our Kindergarten self knew was crucial for life in community with others.  When we share the box of crayons, we all have the ability to create a beautiful piece of art and share in what we've created.  If I keep the crayons all to myself, I may be able to create a beautiful picture of my own, but I will never know what other people have to offer that may enhance my own life and expand my perspective.  Just as love encourages us to open up and give, love can make us feel safe enough to give, even when our past tells us that it is wiser to hold back.  When you can share with someone, you show that you love and trust that person, so don't hold yourself back from those who care for you.  They need to know your depths as you need to know theirs.  Sharing can be life-changing.  Even if it's the little stuff that happened in your day, sharing allows you to open up and feel at ease in a given space, which we all want.
7. Enjoy - This one is fairly straightforward.  While relationships are not easy and everyone will experience challenging times, one of the major purposes of being with other people is to be able to make life a little happier and easier.  Even though it will not be a 24/7 skip through the tulips, we can walk and live with a mind IN JOY, finding a positive edge that can be the prevailing thought of our lives.  So much of life can be negative, so it helps to emphasize the positive.  Sometimes you will need to just sit back and relax in the space provided by love without trying to figure it out, make a 50-year plan, analyze where things are going, or anything like that.  Sometimes love is just meant to be felt and taken in, because love is the only thing that can heal your heart.  So in the midst of all that may be going on, take a few moments a day to simply bask in and enjoy the love in your life, even if that is simply the love you have for yourself...
8. Trust - This is a MAJOR one.  It's been said that without trust, there is no love and there is no relationship.  I couldn't agree more.  Insecurity can be quite a beast, because it makes trust a nearly impossible feat, and all of us experience it to some degree and in some way for some reason.  While this is true, that doesn't have to shape our reality.  I will be the first to admit that I have insecurities that make trust a challenging exercise at times, but because I love myself (knowing that I deserve the beautiful love that I've been afforded) and I love those I'm in relationship with, I choose to trust that they care, that are going to be there for me, that they don't want to hurt me, that they won't take advantage of me, that they can handle me (to varying degrees), and that they have my best interests at heart.  But beyond that, I trust that God is the ultimate protector of my heart, and so even if every single in my life walked out right now, I will not be completely destroyed, because God still loves me and will take care of me.  That doesn't mean it wouldn't hurt like hell, but it wouldn't kill me.  But to the point, love allows us to be open, but it is up to us to choose to walk in that openness, allowing others to enter our heart/intimate space and entrusting them with our being.
9. Forgive - As humans, we are all prone to making mistakes.  At some point in life, every person who we care anything about will hurt us to some degree.  As unfortunate and disheartening as that can be, it is true.  The question that comes out of such a reality is what will you do with that information.  Will you let that be your justification for not connecting to people as a way of avoiding hurt?  Or will you allow that information push you to take relationship seriously and cause you to be a more gracious, forgiving individual?  Will you hold to everything that every one has ever done to you, desiring to seek revenge or see them suffer for even the smallest offense?  Or will you make the decision to release those deeds done to you (intentional or not), setting yourself free from that anger and moving forward in your life?  Forgiveness is about releasing yourself from anger for what was done - it doesn't mean that you condone or excuse the behavior and it doesn't mean you have to continue relationship with that person.  It just means you will no longer waste time and energy carrying that pain around or wishing things had been different. 
10. Promise - Say what you mean and mean what you say.  While I am a big fan of words, when those words become empty and are not accompanied by actions, they hurt even more than silence.  So promise with your words as well as your actions.  Allow your love to show.  When your loved ones see that you are trustworthy, they will open up to you.  This will invite you to do the same and create a greater space and depth of love.  

Let love be a lifestyle and something that intentionally infiltrates all of your words, thoughts, and actions.  Choose one of the above 10 and be intentional about showing love more in that way this week.