"Relationships are challenging. Every relationship, whether it is parent/child, brother/sister, friendships or romantic ones. Yet if you love someone and they are truly important to you, then you'll put in the time and the effort." This was the status of one of my facebook friends, and I find it to be very true. While fairy tales and movies and tv have taught us that relationships tend to be easy or simple, real life hits us in the face with the sharp reality that this is not true. That is part of the reason that the divorce rate is 50% - no one wants to work through the real and the tough issues, because we expect that love will be all warm and fuzzy or end up with happily ever after once the dragon is slain or the the bad guy defeated. We figure once we get to the place of being together and establishing some kind of connection, there will be smooth sailing.
Unfortunately, that is not the case. Every living person has issues and baggage, and this will inevitably affect how they relate to other people.
I was having a conversation with one of my sisters and some other women about relationships, and one of the women who was recently married shared some of the issues she and her husband had prior to getting married. She spoke about the fact that he had broken up with her previously and a few other things. Later on, my sister confided in me that she didn't believe in such things - breaking up and getting back together - as part of how relationships were supposed to work. I have to admit that I'm of the same mindset. I always used to say, "they are an EX for a reason." But I think part of my reasoning for that is the fact that I have a great deal of patience. I am willing to work with you through most anything for a fair amount of time, but once you get to the end of my patience and I feel the need to end things, you have reached the point of no return.
Either way, what I learned in that conversation is that relationships often take much more work than we ever anticipate. They take the work of staying connected. They take the work of communnicating our feelings, even when we'd rather not or we are afraid. They take the work of being commited to spending time and being consistent. They take the work of remaining faithful, not allowing other people or other things become more important than the connection you share or to cause you to disrespect the relationship that you have. They take the work of making a decision to do what is necessary to make things work.
But we not only have to make that decision - we have to be intentional about walking it out, making that decision over and over again in our actions. This can be hard work when you are used to doing something a certain way or thinking a certain way, but as the quotation above says, if you really love someone and they are truly important, you will do what you need to do to make things work. Whether this is making an effort to call even though you don't like talking on the phone, carving out time to spend together in the midst of a busy schedule, being vulnerable enough to share as a means of strengthening the relationship, putting your past ways behind you, getting counseling if need be to help you be a better/healthier person, or any number of things, the amount of love that you have for a person will dictate what you are willing to do to make things work.
So, are there some things you could do better in your relationships? Are you faithfully caring and showing love? Are you communicating openly and frequently? Are you aware of the needs of the person you are relating to and doing what you can to fill them? Are you aware of your own needs and have you made those known so that your needs can be met as well? Are you taking care of you so that you can be the best mother, father, sister, brother, friend, lover, spouse, etc that you can be? Let's assess our relationships and decide to make them better today. Decide to do a little more to improve them. Ask those you are in relationship with what they need from you and do your best to make it happen.
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