Monday, March 12, 2012

Day 305 - What Love Requires

"Love can be hard. Love requires you to be kind when you are angry, patient when you feel anxious, compassionate when you judge others, caring when you feel apathetic, trust when you've been wronged, let go when you want to hold on, know that the other person is you, take risks when you're scared, to always see the lesson and never look back once you've decided."  - Jackson Kiddard
As I sat with this quotation for a bit, I recognize the depths that it really touches in talking about love.  I'm gonna take this piece by piece.  
Love can be hard - dear God, yes.  As beautiful and wonderful as it can be, it can also provide challenges and difficult moments that will make you wonder if it is worth it. 
Love requires you to be kind when you are angry - love makes it possible (and even necessary) to find a bit of grace when your emotions are swelling and your blood is boiling.  Reacting out of anger will almost never result in a positive, loving outcome, so while your current space may be one of negativity, love will ask you to take a moment to pause and cool off or think before responding.  Love may even look like taking a time-out away from the situation in order to be able to return to the situation with kindness.  
Patient when you feel anxious - much of life has the ability to make us feel crazy or nervous, especially in the vulnerable spaces of relationship.  But when you are assured of love, you can more easily be at ease with situations, even when they don't look as you desire.  You can stand in that love even in the midst of something that would normally have you shaking in your boots.
Compassionate when you judge others - while we typically think of judgment in a negative capacity, I tend to think of it more along this definition of it: "to infer, think, or hold as an opinion."  In this sense, we judge everyone, making an assessment based on what we see, perceive, or know.  Well, when love enters the picture, we may see something, but it will cause us to interpret and react/relate to what we see in a way that is more understanding of where someone is.  For example, you may be dealing with someone who is outwardly loud and rude and attitudinal, but love will cause you to look a little bit closer and see that person with the compassion that shows you that their behavior stems from insecurity and not from that person just being mean and hateful. It will not only help you to see them more clearly, but it will help you to treat them based on the inner need for healing as opposed to the external behavior.
Caring when you feel apathetic - there are times in life and relationships when you get to a point of being tired and frustrated, and when that goes on for a period of time, it can lead to indifference and apathy in a situation you feel like may not change.  But when love is involved, it can push you to continue to care and continue to work at things when you no longer really have the drive to.  Love is like the 2nd wind that we sometimes need to help us make it through.
Trust when you've been wronged - this is a big one.  I am willing to bet that every person alive has been hurt/wronged in some way that has made them less trusting, even to a small degree.  When this happens, it can be very hard to trust again, especially depending on the the level of hurt/wrong that you have endured.  Whether you are relating to the same person who hurt you or someone new, the fear is that it will happen again and that you will be hurt again.  But when love enters the picture and we can trust love, then we can stand in the face of "evidence" and decide to trust/love again.
Let go when you want to hold on - now, this one may seem a bit contradictory, but it's true.  There are times when you want to hold on to someone/something for your own needs and desires, but sometimes it is best to let them go.  It's been said that "if you want something, let it go.  If it comes back to you, then it's yours."  When you desire to hold something like that, you are more so doing it out of fear.  But if you are willing to let it simply be and go as it should, then you might be surprised what happens.  Real love will give you the power to be willing to let go when need be.
Know that the other person is you - as much as we like to separate ourselves and say that we are different, there are reflections and glimmers of all of us in everyone.  When you think about how to treat others, think of their heart as yours, and treat them better than you want to be treated.
Take risks when you're scared - fear can be a powerful thing, and it can interfere so deeply with love and life.  But when you feel loved, you are motivated to take risks and venture out, even in the midst of feeling the fear.  Love will push and challenge you, and it will give you the heart to try, because you recognize that the benefits of love are worth the risk of the fear.
To always see the lesson - when we look at things through the lens of love, we can see both the negatives and the positives as areas of growth.  Even if things hurt or are hard, we don't have to become bitter from those experiences.  Love has wisdom enough to show you that even the mess that you deal with can bring about positive change if you allow it to.  You just have to be open and willing to see what there is to learn in any given situation.
Never look back once you've decided - when you make a choice, especially the choice to love, it is very easy to second guess yourself, especially if things don't line up perfectly or there are still questions.  But when you can rest in the strength of real love, there is no need to second guess.  Things will not be perfect and there will be some bumps in the road, but when you take the step of faith to fully immerse yourself into what love has for you, you will never be the same, especially when it's the right time, space, and person for you.  And as the previous one said, even if that love is only to be in your life that way for a season, you will learn and grow in the experience.  But you will never know what it is to find that one until you are willing to let go and be fully present in the space of love.  Make your decision and go forth, growing in trust with every step you take.  There will always be reasons to doubt and question, but that's no reason not to go for it.  And doubts don't make the love any less real, but allowing those doubts to change your mind/heart will complicate your relationship.  Let love focus you forward.

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