Day 316 - Too Much

"I've been through too much not to worship Him.  My worship, my worship is for real."  "You are the source of my strength.  You are the strength of my life.  I lift my hands in total praise to You."  "For every mountain You brought me over, for every trial You've seen me through, for every blessing, hallelujah - for this, I give You praise."  "You cost of the oil... you don't know the cost of my praise.  You don't know the cost of oil in my alabaster box..."

It is easy to take things in life for granted.  If my brother's accident has taught me anything, it's that life can change in an instant.  So my chosen response in this moment is to take time and publicly acknowledge THE Love of my life.  There have been many loves in my life, but the ultimate Love of my life is none other than my Divine Friend, God.  God has done more for me than there is time left in eternity to tell.  I have dealt with so much in my 27 years, and I can only give credit to God for the fact that I'm still here and not completely insane.  I don't have time to list everything, but I feel should highlight some of the things I've been through just so you have an idea why I love God so much...

• 3 heart surgeries (2 of which were open-heart and before I was 6 years old)
• More than 1 bout with depression
• More rejection than I care to count
• Sexual trauma
• Suicidal thoughts
• Interesting family dynamics
• Constant fear 
• Low self-esteem
• Etc.

But through it all, God's presence has been a constant source of strength, love, inspiration, comfort, etc.  There have been moments when the pain was unbearable,  and I just knew no one cared and that there was no point going on....  Yet, God has always placed someone in my path or played me a song or spoken a word that let me know that it was going to be okay, that I had purpose beyond this moment, that I was loved.  I've had to do much in terms of seeking healing, but God has been with me every step of the way, and I am so much better and stronger through it all.  Would I have chosen all the things that happened to me?  No.  But I can say on the other side of most of it that it has definitely allowed me opportunities for growth that have helped me as a person and have given me a greater outlook and deeper sense of compassion.  I'm not negating the weight of my experiences, but I do know that the past has happened, and the best way to deal with it is to heal and move forward, so that my past doesn't hinder my past. 
So I am thankful for a Friend who is LOVING, consistent, giving, patient, empowering, and so much more.  And I'm thankful that what I've gone through can be filtered through the lenses of love and wisdom to bring healing to others with similar experiences.  The Love of my life who leads, guides, holds, and loves me no matter what.  God has definitely done far too much for me to not say anything about it and be thankful every minute of every day.  Even in the hard times, I can be nothing but thankful (even when I'm fussing at God about how things seem to be going).

"Been through trials and tribulations, been the talk of conversations, been abused with no direction - through it all found consolation knowing that my Father loves me...  Even when I'm feeling lonely, He's always there.  I am a testimony and it's by the grace of God.  Been through ups and downs, been all around, but I'm still here.  I am a testimony for all men to see God is still working miracles today..."