Day 342 - When Love isn't Enough Part 2

One of my friends posted a status today that said, "A reminder from my dear friend: Sometimes love just isn't enough!!" and it made me think about the fact that I reflected on this notion in a previous blog entry.  The previous entry spoke about the fact that love isn't enough to keep a relationship when there is not sufficient compatibility to make the everyday stuff work.  At this juncture, I should also probably say that in the previous entry, I addressed love in the romantic sense as not being the only thing necessary to keep a relationship together, and I stand by that.  I can have love for someone, but that doesn't mean that a romantic relationship between us would work.  But as I read over that entry, I thought about more reasons why love might not be enough.  Now, those who've read my blog already know that I think love is the most powerful force on earth, and that it has the power to overcome anything.  Yet, because there are some forces that are just about as strong as love, unfortunately, love doesn't always end up being the victor.  This, of course, is based on our choice of whether or not we allow love to do its thing and overcome all, as it has the power to do.

Love isn't enough when...

• You let fear hinder you - it doesn't matter how much I love someone, if I hold on to the fear that I have instead of embracing the love that they are offering, all the love in the world won't make a difference.  So someone could be offering to love me past my pain, to care for me and do all the things I ever wanted, but if I'm so afraid that I don't let them in, love isn't enough.  In this case, trust is necessary to open up to receive the love that is being offered.  Even though the love being offered has the power to bring about the desired healing and help the fear dissolve, love in and of itself isn't enough to make that happen.
• The person refuses to change - if I love someone and want to be with them, but they have X habit or desire that keeps us from being able to be together (because I refuse to share them with said habit), love isn't enough to get the person to change. They may even love me, but depending on the level of love they have and the hold that said habit/desire has on them, love alone may not be enough.  For example, if the person I love sleeps with everyone who crosses their path because they are insecure or otherwise seeking to be fulfilled, all the love that I have to offer won't be able to fill that void.  They have to love themselves enough to fill the void and love me enough to want to be committed.  And, of course, the mindset much change because that will change the behavior. But without the desire to change, love won't be able to motivate or power the change.
• There has been too much hurt - in any relationship, there will be numerous disappointments and hurt feelings. This isn't because everyone on earth is malicious and intent on hurting the people they love.  This is because we are human and we all have expectations/desires that won't always be fulfilled.  But the reason that relationships last is because these minor infractions are far outweighed by the positives and the love felt in the relationship. The problem comes when the hurts continue to happen and they begin to outweigh the positive. No matter how much I love someone, I will only let them hurt and/or abuse me for so long before my love for myself kicks in, and I say no.  It doesn't matter how much I love them or how much I know they love me - love will only cover so much hurt.  Eventually the person being hurt in the relationship will begin to withdraw their heart/love out of self-preservation, and it will take some real love, commitment, and change in order to bring that heart back out.
• There is no discernible future - now I hesitate with this last one, because sometimes it can be hard to tell when there is a future or not.  That can be why people hold on to things that need to be released or why people let go too quickly of something that does indeed have potential.  As much as I'd love to provide a simple answer or formula for how to know when a relationship has reached its end, I can't.  Relationships vary as much as the people in them.  There are relationships that start easily and just continue on into eternity.  There are relationships that go through considerable ups and downs, and they take the strength it took to get through such to keep them together.  There are relationships that start quickly and end quickly.  There are relationships that start, pause (for any amount of time), and then come back together as if nothing ever happened or stronger because of it.  So it's impossible to say when something is truly to be over.  But I can say that when something is supposed to end, all the love in the world won't be able to change that.  You can try to force it to stay and to fit, but in the end, you end up making yourself and the other person miserable. Unfortunately, we tend to spend a lot of time in this portion of a relationship, because letting go is extremely hard.  Sometimes a season ends, and even if the love for the person continues, the relationship might not, or the relationship might take on a different form.  Either way, all the love in your heart won't make something work that isn't supposed to. 

In essence, love isn't enough when you're not willing to let it be.  I may love someone with all my heart, but if they are not willing to work through things, receive said love, make the necessary changes, treat me with the necessary love/respect, or even get beyond their past and such, it won't make a difference.  Love is a great force with powerful potential, and I have seen some people love other folks through and out of some serious situations... but there has to be a willingness to accept the love.  I can love a brick wall, but no amount of love that I have will melt that brick wall, and it's similar with a person.  I can love someone and invest all of my time, resources, energy, and self into them, but without their willingness to receive, I may as well be loving that brick wall.  And at times like that, self-love needs to shift into overdrive and move me on so I can take care of myself.