Day 258 - When Love Isn't Enough

So as I continue to grow and experience different things as it relates to love and relationships, I've realized something that I was told long ago but didn't really believe. When I was younger, I heard people talking about living on love and expressing that they loved someone but that wasn't enough. I wasn't sure what they meant. I figured as long as you have love, you can do anything and survive anything together. (I have to admit, I'm a bit of an idealist when it comes to love.) Yet, I have to come to realize that the old saying is true. While I tend to have more of a connection with the emotional space of love (which is interesting given my emotional history), I had never taken much time to think about the practical, everyday side of it. This might be partially because the media doesn't do a very good job of portraying love beyond the mushy stuff (both giddiness and heartbreak). In a two-hour movie or a half-hour sitcom, there isn't much time to show the building of a relationship or the day-to-day things that are not exciting. So a relationship on tv or in the movies is like a highlight reel from a football game - they show all the exciting plays and scores while skipping over the long process of getting to the touchdown and all the short plays and uneventful downs that it took to get there. Of course I can't entirely blame the media. Part of it is due to my relationship history. It's not something I ever really had to think about. While there were the large questions - how do you feel about God? Do you want kids? Where do you want to live? What are your life's goals? - the everyday stuff can be what makes a difference. There are days when you are not necessarily gripped with passion. There are days when it is just another Tuesday - not an anniversary, not date night, not a birthday, or a special event. While the emotional, mental, physical, and spiritual connection is key, it is sometimes how the everyday stuff is handled that can make or break a relationship. What do I mean? How do you communicate? How often? Do you have to fill the space with words or can there be silence that's not awkward? Is each person able to both express themselves and be heard? Is the relationship a mutual exchange of care and support, or is it a one-sided situation? What about the little quirks and idiosyncrasies that each person has? Are these such that they cause major problems or are they things that you can live with? And what about finances? Even if you don’t live together, money is one of those things that can cause major issues when you have different ideas of how to spend and/or handle money. And what about issues of compatibility? I’m not talking about your Zodiac signs or things like that. I mean, do your personalities, interests, and goals line up in such a way that you do more than just tolerate the person you are dealing with? Can you share life with the person in a way that is meaningful and that enhances both of your lives? You know, now that I think about it, I've had a situation that illustrates this.  I was dating a guy, and we connected quickly.  Love was there in abundance, but as we began to talk about life and how things might look for the everyday and the future stuff of our relationship, we realized that while we loved each other, things would just not work.  

So what am I saying? As much as I love the beauty and connectedness of love in its most ideal form, back here on earth, there is much more to it. Maybe this was just a lesson for me, but there’s much to think about as it relates to these things we call love and relationship, and I continue to learn by the day.