Day 328 - Try it on My Own

Pandora once again found me a selection that I like and that resonates with where I am.  I was talking to one of my sisters, and she was saying that she could see the growth....  So much has been going on I have been feeling the growth myself, and though there is always more to be done, I'm glad for what I have experienced thus far and the long way that I have come.  Confidence is so key...
"I'm wiser now.  I'm not the foolish girl you used to know so long ago.  I'm stronger now - I've learned from my mistakes which way to go, and I should know.  I put myself aside to do it your way, but now I need to do it all alone."  After having gone through life and been essentially guided or controlled by someone who thought they knew better, the singer has come to a point where she has grown and matured.  While she may have needed guidance before, she no longer does.  She's decided that she is done trying to please whoever else, and she is now going to strike out on her own, trying things her way and living her own life and destiny.  She will no longer put herself aside for someone else's expectations, needs, or desires.
"And I am not afraid to try it on my own.  I don't care if I'm right or wrong.  I'll live my life the way I feel.  No matter what I'll keep it real, you know. Time for me to do it on my own." So she has determined that she is going to try things on her own, without the guidance, help, control, or whatever else this other person may have been providing.  She's not concerned so much about making mistakes; she just wants the satisfaction of knowing that she is doing it on her own terms and in a way that is authentic to her.  If she messes up, she will have no one to blame but herself, but she will also know that it was her decision and be able to more fully learn from it.  In order to find her real self, she has to be able to operate in a space that will allow that self to emerge.
"It's over now - I can't go back to living through your eyes, too many lies.  And if you don't know by now, I can't go back to being someone else,  not anymore.  I never had a chance to do things my way, so now it's time for me to take control."  She refuses to go back to living for someone else.  Doing so caused her to lie to herself and to others, and she has decided that she has to break free of such bondage and be herself.  She can no longer fit someone else's mold or expectations.  Her entire life has been orchestrated and programmed and shaped by others, but now she is taking the reins and plotting her own course.
"I start again, go back to one, I'm running things my way.  Can't stop me now, I've just begun.  Don't even think about it, there ain't no way about it.  I'm taking names, though one is mine.  Yes I'm gonna take my turn.  It's time for me to finally stand alone, stand alone."  She's cleaning her own slate, starting afresh to begin her own life.  She is determined to do this, and there will be no deterring her.  She is calling people out and making them accountable, herself included.  She is stepping up to the plate and doing things as she sees fit. 
While it can be scary to take that step into independence and full authenticity as you take the lead in your own life, if you never do so, you will miss so much.  Whether it's a spouse/significant other, a boss, a parent, a friend, or even your own fear that keeps you from realizing your full personhood, it's time to take steps forward to live a life that is authentically yours.

Day 327 - Prove It

"If you love someone, show it. Love is not a noun to be defined, but a verb to be acted out."
I saw this statement as a tweet the other day, and it made me think about numerous conversations I've had over the past few days.  I know of at least 4 relational situations where people have had to go from love as a noun to love as a verb.  What do I mean by that?  Well, love tends to be a warm and fuzzy noun when things are going pretty well - you spend time together, you click and vibe, there are no major disagreements, and things are just fun and cool.  But love has to become a verb things start shifting, when there are things like life changes, physical distance, personal crises, etc.  That's when love has to go beyond something you say because you think someone is cool to something that you show.
It's when things get real and you have to face the person you "love" in a less than ideal situation that you begin to figure out what love really looks like and whether you really love the person.  Another tweet that I saw said, "If love doesn’t require some sort of sacrifice on our part, we probably aren’t loving the person at all."  I think that this is very much true.  It's easy to say I love someone when everything is cool and great, but when the relationship begins to challenge me or it doesn't look exactly like I want it to, am I willing to make some sacrifice or compromise?  Am I willing to give a little on what I want/need in order to make things work or to help the other person?  In most of the situations I spoke about, there is a great need on the part of one of the parties to provide major support for the other as they face some life-changing event or phase of life.  Because this is the case, the "anchor" in the situation is finding some of his/her needs to be put on the back burner as they provide love and support for someone who is facing some thing(s) in life that are forever changing who they are.
This can be difficult to deal with, especially because such seasons tend to cause someone to be less than awesome as they are going through changes.  So combine some of your needs being pushed to the side with the person you love not fully acting like the person you love, and it's enough for anyone to chuck the deuces....  Yet they are choosing to stay and hold on.  Why?  Because for them, love is a verb.  It is what kicks in when the pleasantries and the "romance" has faded and the rubber meets the road.  It takes a strong person to be willing to make such sacrifices and love someone through their pain/difficulties.
As a writer, I've spent much time writing about love. That was what I set out to do with this blog.  But I've come to realize that, as much as I can write about love (and I will continue to do so), some things can only be experienced as you push through, as you make the choice to continue to hold someone in your heart and hand who is taking you through....  This is not to say that you should stand for abuse, but I am saying that there are times when your love for another has to cause you to push past what you think is comfortable in a relationship and do some real work to show what real love is.  And the beauty of this is that in the process, you grow as you get stronger in loving/helping them, and the love that you provide for them can bring healing to them in a tough space in their life.  So take a deep breath, pray, remain positive, and remain love is something you do, not just something you say.

Day 326 - Me

Hadn't heard this song in a bit, but when I heard in on my laptop the other day, I just knew I had to blog about it....

"Love was the former owner but quiet is renting our house.  It ceases my lips from speaking but forms a sarcastic smile.  Suspense now raised one of your eyebrows.  You asked me if there's someone else. I replied yes, hell yes!  You asked if it's another man, I said, 'no.'  You laughed and say, 'is it a woman?'  I say, 'yes.'  Surprisingly you ask me for honey's name."   The singer seems to be experiencing some issues in her relationship.  It seems that love is no longer the major player in the house, and now there's silence.  It's even gotten to the point where there's suspense, tension, and sarcasm.  Her partner notices the change and asks if there is someone else in the picture.  He seems surprised to hear that there is indeed someone else, a woman at that.

"And her name is Me, and she loves me more than you'll ever know.  And I finally see that loving you and loving me just don't seem to work at all.  So patiently, she's waiting on me to tell you that she needs love.  And to choose between you two, boy, you know if I have to choose, I choose me."  The singer explains that the person who is taking her attention and causing things to change is, in fact, herself.  She has awakened to the need and understanding of self love, and she seems to realize that it is not possible to love herself and love her partner at the same time.  The true her (the one that resides within and wants the best) is saying that it is time to take a stand - he can either love her right or lose her, because she's come to the point where, if she has to choose, she is going to choose herself.
"And she told me to tell you to never to hurt me again, cuz if you haven't heard she's a bad chick even though I haven't been, no.  Yet and still you try and test me by raising an angry hand. Put it down, put it down.  I'm leaving don't try and stop me, no.  I'm late and she is waiting, yes.  My love for me is too much so I can't stay."  In finding herself and her confidence, she is standing up for herself, demanding better treatment.  Even though she's previously been passive, allowing things that she shouldn't, this will no longer be the case.  And even his attempt to intimidate her with physical violence doesn't work - she is moving on, because she knows that she deserves better, and his threat simply proves that he does not have true loving interest for her.
"Cause she's actually forming a threesome and I'm happy that I can join them - their names are me, myself, and I."  She is no longer going to be the fragmented human being that was willing to accept whatever she was given in the name of love.  She has found herself and her strength, and she is going to be bold in her assertion of her need for love.  No longer will she be abused, lied to, hurt, pushed aside, or treated any less than she deserves.  She has found and will walk in true self love, walking away from a situation that clearly means her no good.

Day 325 - Kung Fu Panda 2

So, I’ve been a fan of cartoons since I could breathe.  People tend to make fun of me because I'm  a 27-year-old who regularly watches (and DVRs) cartoons.  But not only do I watch them, I enjoy finding and reflecting on the deep meanings that can often be found in them.  Last night, I had a dream that essentially told me that I needed to clear my head.  Well, today as I enjoyed a bit of Sabbath, I felt that I needed to watch “Kung Fu Panda 2.”  Even though I’ve seen it before, and I rarely watch a movie more than once, I decided to do so. 

Well, I watched it today, and it blessed my life.  In short, the movie was about Po trying to find himself, considering his father is a goose and he is a panda.  In the beginning, his Master Shifu is looking to teach him about inner peace, which he says comes through lots of fasting and meditation (fasting is clearly not for Po as he is all about food) or through pain and suffering.  Inner peace would allow him to concentrate his energy such that he could catch and move a drop of water, placing it gently on a blade of grass below him.  Before Shifu was able to go into the lesson, Po is called away.  His next assignment with the Furious Five takes him to a place that allows him to explore his past.  Without giving away the entire movie, I’ll share some parts in the movie that spoke to me. 

·         Shifu says that inner peace can come through pain and suffering.  We don’t tend to like pain and suffering… for obvious reasons.  Yet, Shifu makes it clear that it is the suffering that we go through and survive that allows us to find the strength within to push forward.  When we can take the strength needed to get through our darkest days and apply it to our minds and hearts in everyday life, there is very little that can shake us.  This is how faith works – when we trust God in one situation and see victory happen, we can apply that assurance throughout life, trusting that God will take care of us.  That trust provides us with peace, even when we are facing crazy circumstances, because we know that God can make a way.

·         “Stop fighting it and let it flow.”  Po had been having a recurring dream/vision that was even getting in the way of him being able to fight.  Yet, when he was with the fortune teller and his nightmare (which she called a memory) came back and he tried to resist it, she said, “stop fighting and let it flow.”  Once he let the memory play through to the end, he is able to see the whole story and know where he came from and what happened.  In a much broader sense, I think a lot of times, we try to resist things within us because we are scared of the depth of what’s in us, the rejection we could face, the pain that we could encounter (especially when dealing with stuff from our past), or other things that make us uncomfortable.  I know for me, I can be very reserved when it comes to acting on my intuition or saying certain things, but as I heard her say that, all I could do was cry.  One of my friends told me recently that she was proud of me for being who I am.  This statement shocked me, and I have to come to terms with the fact that part of who I am is an intuitive being whose senses aren’t just my imagination.  Therefore, I need to love myself (and those to be impacted) enough to stop fighting what I feel/hear and simply let it flow, despite the fear I may have of sharing something.  As long as I deliver it in love, the result is up to the person (and God), not me – I’m simply to be the messenger.

·         “Your story may not have such a happy beginning, but that doesn’t make you who you are.  It is the rest of your story – who you choose to be.”  Just as his father said to him in the beginning of the movie, the fortune teller says it again.  Po has let the memory play all the way through and he is able to see where he has come from and the unfortunate beginning of his life.  Yet, as he seems about to mourn this tragic beginning, she makes her statement.  While the beginning of your story – where you were born, what happened to you as a kid, the assault, the abuse, your parents, your neighborhood, etc – may have been bad, but if you have made it to the other side of that and you are still alive, you have a greater purpose to live out.  If your past didn’t stop you, then you have a great story still to be written.  And you can let that continue to hold you back, using it as an excuse to hold you back.  Or you can choose to overcome and embrace the greatness within you that can only really be brought out by overcoming the things that you did.  Let it propel you forward in a positive way and embrace the great things that your life has brought you since then.  Po realizes that despite being “abandoned” and left to be adopted that he has become the Dragon Warrior, the greatest warrior in China. 

·         “Anything is possibly with inner peace.”  When Po finally is able to harness his inner peace after coming to terms with who he is, he is able to use it to catch a cannonball as he had the water droplet and later defeat the enemy.  When you are in harmony within yourself, it is possible to focus all of your energy on making positive change in the world.  Otherwise, you will be trying to be fight/deal with your own stuff, which will make it hard to be productive.  This isn’t to say that you have to be perfectly at peace all the time, because that’s impossible.  It’s just that it is easier to be at your best when you are not in conflict within yourself. 

·         “How did you find peace?   I took away your parents, everything.  I scarred you for life.”  “You gotta let go of that stuff from the past cuz it just doesn’t matter.  The only thing that matters is what you choose to be now.”  In the final showdown of Po and his enemy, Shen, Shen asked Po how he managed to find peace despite all that had been taken from him.  Po lets him know that letting go of the past and embracing who you decide to be in the present is the only thing that matters (and that creates a future).  Shen had spent the last 30 years plotting revenge and being angry at his parents, becoming bitter and further enraged.  This led to his evil quest for power.  And he chose to continue that path despite what was foretold and despite its consequences.  But just as Shen chose evil, we can choose good, allowing the past to make us stronger (in a good way) and receiving healing such that we can become a better person from what we experienced.  Shen got stronger from his past, but his strength was based in anger and hatred.  He was never able to find peace or contentment, which is why the fortune teller told him that his pursuit was a bottomless cup.  Despite what is taken from us, we can find peace and fulfillment when we allow ourselves to heal and choose to find the blessings that even our trials bring us.

I absolutely love this movie….  I encourage you to stop fighting whatever it is – your emotions, your past, your gifts, your calling, etc – and simply let life flow out of you.  You will find that you are much happier when you accept yourself and do what you were created to do/be who you were created to be.  Allow yourself to be who you are, even if it takes time.  Releasing yourself bit by bit will let you get to that place of full flight as the more you embrace, the more you will release.  It may take time and working through some stuff, but I assure you, you are well worth it.  I have begun making some cracks in my own glass ceiling, and I’ve been seeing tremendous change and opening already.  And peace… yeah, I’ve seen more of that.  But I will say that peace is definitely a battle to gain.  Yet once you get it, your life will never be the same, and you will seek with all your heart and energy to maintain it.

Day 324 - What I Deserve

"The hardest choice in life is between what you want and what you deserve." 
The above was a facebook status of a friend of mine a couple days ago.  When I saw it, I immediately knew there would be a blog.  In my life and in the lives of those closest to me, I have seen this to be so very true.    Often, we are caught between going after what we want and what we deserve, struggling to decide which of the two to fully invest in and strive for, especially when the two tend to be in conflict (which is why it is a struggle in the first place).  Here are some reasons I've seen this to be the case.

• We (typically) know what we want - most of the time in life, it is not hard to pinpoint the thing that we desire.  This can be a person, a thing, a lifestyle, etc.  Yet, what we deserve tends to be a more difficult concept to grasp.  We tend to have a distorted view of what we deserve.  Some people think they deserve everything and then some - no, you don't deserve an A in the class if you never went, never cracked a book, and never did the work.  On the other side, I think the majority of people don't think they deserve much of anything positive in life.  They have been told by people and experience that they don't deserve good things, so they allow life to happen to them without really trying to get anything better.  Even if they believe they deserve a little more, they don't believe they can have it, and they don't try.  So while we typically know what we want, we don't really know what we deserve.  And even though we might feel that we deserve something more, it's easier to go with what we want, because that's more readily available and easier to grasp.
• We want what we want - to want according to the dictionary is "to need or desire, wish for, crave, demand."  This is not just some thing that it would be nice to have.  This is something that you feel a strong desire and even ache for, that you feel makes life worth living in some way.  Again, since it's easily identifiable, and you can most likely touch, taste, and/or enjoy the thing you want, it only adds to your desire for it.  You wouldn't want it if it wasn't in some way bringing you joy and adding something positive to your life (even if there is some negative associated with it).  The human will is a powerful thing, and there are very few things that can stop us from wanting (and getting) something we want if we really want it.
• We don't always know that we deserve what we deserve - if you have become used to a certain way of being or living, then you don't know any better.  If you are used to abuse because that's how you grew up, then you will most likely find yourself in an abusive relationship, figuring this is the best you can get.  If you are used to giving and not receiving, you will continue to give and not expect to receive, thinking that this is normal (even though you may feel upset by it).  If you are used to relationships being full of arguing and fighting, you will be confused by someone who doesn't argue, because that's what you expect as "love."  In all of this, it may have never occurred to you that you deserve someone who is honest (if you've been lied to), faithful (if you've been cheated on), open (if you're used to people who don't communicate), caring (if you're used to people who are cold), challenging (if you're used to people who just let you do whatever), etc.  And if you can't put a name or a face on what you deserve, you will settle for whatever comes along, never even thinking to want more.  And even if you do want more, you might not dare to venture after it, because you're not even sure it exists.  
• When faced with the two, what we want tends to call us a little stronger, but what we deserve calls us a little deeper.  While what I want might be some cutie who is nice to look at, treats me okay, and is an acceptable relationship, what I deserve may be someone with whom the relationship isn't as "easy," but one that pushes me to grow.  What we want tends to be easier, but what we deserve takes courage.  It takes the courage of loving ourselves enough to know that we deserve more than just what we want.  In seeing what we want, we see more of the superficial.  But in dealing with what we deserve, we will get more of what we actually need.  This tends to challenge us and cause us to have to work and put in effort that what we want won't necessarily require.  

Now, there are times when what we want and what we deserve are one in the same, and to God be the glory.  But oftentimes, we have to make a choice.  We have to decide to be mature enough and love ourselves enough to say that even though I'd like ice cream 3x a day every day because it's what I want and it fills that temporary need, what I deserve is good health in the long run, so I have to eat fruits and veggies, enjoying the occasional ice cream.  And the beauty of what we deserve is that it can provide that same sweetness as what we want.  It just provides a greater depth and substance that can help sustain us when what we want has worn out and leaves us still wanting.
So my suggestion (to you as well as to myself) is to take a minute and figure out what you actually deserve.  You deserve someone who will love you for you, treat you well, support you, help you grow, and give you their best and their all.  Now, this is provided that you are willing to do the same.  Also, it would be good to know if you're in a space where you are ready to be in a relationship.  You deserve someone who knows where they are and you deserve to know for yourself if you are in that space.  If both people aren't on the same page, it won't work.  You deserve good things just by virtue of the fact that you are creation and child of God.  Embrace and receive those great things in their proper time.  And if it means you have to hold out a while or look past what you want in the moment, have the courage and strength to do so.  There is nothing worse than trying to find a space filler when you already know what you deserve and need.  Sure it can hold you over for the moment and even teach you a few things, but it may likely cause more harm than good (and hurt feelings).  So go for what you deserve (and amazingly enough, you will find what you want and so much more within it).

Day 323 - Graduation and Academic Love

As I have now gotten my 2nd masters degree, I am feeling a bit reflective (and tired, but that goes with the territory).  Now, you may wonder what graduating has to do with love.  I could talk about the love that tends to be shown when someone graduates.  I could talk about a love for education that tends to be required to pursue multiple degrees (I don't love school; I love learning - there's a major difference). 
No, I'm talking about how, for me, school tends to be a process of growth.  Yes, I learn things in the classroom, because I'd be wasting an awful lot of the government's money if I weren't.  But for me, the most important things I tend to learn aren't in any book, paper, syllabus, or lecture.  For me, it's about the relationships I've formed and built, especially the one with myself.  Because I've never gone to school online, the human element has tended to be a large part of my education.  And because the programs I've been in tended to deal with God and God's people, an emphasis on working together, especially in a ministerial/ecclesiastical context, has been a large part of what I've done. 
In the pursuit of both of my masters degrees, I have met some awesome people, be they fellow students, faculty, or staff.  While my theology was doing back-flips, somersaults, cartwheels, and all sorts of craziness, there were people around who helped not only affirm that I wasn't crazy and going to hell, but they affirmed the person who was/is emerging as me.  Previously, I'd been "told" that there was a box that I needed to fit into, and outside of that box, I wasn't "right."  But the freedom to explore allowed to find some beautiful options, answers, and even more questions.  Yet, in the space of STVU, I was free to realize who I am, what I believe, what I hold dear, how I love, and so much more.
While I understand that all academic journeys are not this revelatory, I will say that every day and every place you find yourself ought to be an opportunity for you to learn something about yourself and the people/world around you.  When you seek this in every space and area of your life, then it's possible to find love, even among textbooks and term papers.  While graduation signals the end of a particular educational pursuit, there are relationships, thoughts, understandings, and personal changes that will stay with me long after I finish paying the government for my loans. (If anyone wants to help me repay those, I'd greatly appreciate it... Just saying.)  Let wherever you find yourself allow you to find a deeper love for yourself, your God, and your fellow humans.  After all, relationship is the point of life...

Day 322 - All Cried Out Redux

So because I was in a Jill Scott mood this morning, and I happened to listen to this song amongst the others, I figured I'd write about it.  Something a little different, but I like it.
"Never wanted to see things my way.   Tell me why were you such a fool?  Always thought the grass was greener on the other side - never miss your water till your well run dry.  And now I'm sad and so confused
cuz I'm all cried out, oh yeah yeah, over you." Apparently, her previous love didn't treat her right.  She feels he should have had enough sense to recognize how great she was, but he chose to stray, and now he will have to miss her because she's gone.  And, of course, she's hurt, but she has shed her last tear over the situation.
"No more tears for you.  No, baby, it's all over.  I'm moving on now, I'm taking over.  No more tears for you, no more, baby, cuz I'm not your lady.  You made that perfectly clear to me too, so I'm gonna move to the next phase, getting back into my space, moving in right in the right direction.  And oh oh I hope you know one day, baby, that I'm not sad and so confused, cuz I'm all cried out oh yeah yeah over you."  Now she's moving forward.  She had her time of being upset and hurt by what was done, and now she's moving on.  After all, they weren't even really together - he made a point of letting it be known that she wasn't his lady.  Maybe it was her expectations that caused her pain, or maybe he'd made promises and spoken things about their relationship that never came about.  Either way, she's done with it.  She's no longer sad or confused, trying to figure out what went wrong or what to do.  She mourned, and now she's moving on...

Day 321 - No One Gonna Love You

This is another one of the songs that stays on repeat in my head for some reason... probably because I'm a JHud fan.  I'm probably also slightly stubborn in love and in relationships as she is in this song.

"I've been through some things, please don't hold that against me.  Can't nobody love you like I'm gonna love you.  Can't nobody love you like I'm gonna love you.  Even though I, still can feel a sting, no need to second guess me - can't nobody love you like I'm gonna love you.  Can't nobody love you like I'm gonna love you."  Like all of us, she is admitting that she has dealt with things in life and that has likely brought some baggage, but she is asking for patience and understanding with her stuff.  Even with her stuff, she is asserting that no one will be able to love her boo better than she can.  Even with the things that their relationship may have caused or some of the things that have affected her in the past, she assures her boo that there is no need to question her love, because it's steady and it is unlike any that anyone else will be able to give. 
"See I don't mind you putting up a little bit of fight, it's alright.  But why run from what's gonna hold you tight through any complications?  Baby, maybe we can start tonight!  Hey! I saw the dirty look she gave me.  Don't care what your ex do - can't nobody love you like I'm gonna love you!  Ain't no one gonna love you like I'm gonna love you!  And if you dare, don't dare, send me straight to voice mail,  Babe, I'm just gonna text you.  Hope it ain't no issue, I just gotta let you know no one to love you like I'm gonna love you!"  The singer is aware that there may be some resistance, but she feels that ultimately, they will end up together.  She wonders why her boo would run from a relationship that is clearly one that is committed and that provides love and that is necessary even in the difficulties.  She says that they should not delay - they should just go ahead and embrace the love that they share.  She's not concerned about the ex or how she feels, because she is confident of the love that they can share. [I will make a note here, however, that if the ex is still very much involved and influential, or if the ex can affect your present relationship, there is a problem.  If your boo can't stand up to their ex on your behalf or keep him/her out of your relationship, you may need to reconsider if you the primary in your boo's life.]  And she even refuses to be ignored, being persistent in what she believes in.  While she may seem pushy, she is stubborn enough to fight for love, because she believes that no one can love her boo the way she can.
"I put that on everything!  Ain't no one gonna love you!  Ain't no one gonna hold you!  Show you what I could show you!  Somebody better told you!  Baby, your name's spelled out in every heartbeat!  Ain't no one gonna love you!  Ain't no one gonna hold you!  Show you what I could show you!"  She is willing to risk everything to say that no one else can love her boo and bring the kind of care and growth and enhancement to life that she can.  She believes this so strongly her that heart now beats the name of her love, because her love is that much a part of her and that integral to who she is.
"But if you should go down that same road you've been before, you're in reverse, your pain rehearsed, just brace yourself for the blow.  But don't you know that you could just let it go?"  She recognizes that despite the love she has to offer, there will be some resistance (likely because of things in her boo's past).  She knows of the pain and struggle, but she offers the chance to let all that go and find love with her. 
"Don't you know I've been through some things, please don't hold that against me.  Can't nobody love you like I'm gonna love you.  Can't nobody love you like I'm gonna love you.  Don't you know  I'm making you this promise, clutchin' on a rosary - ain't no one gonna love you, like I'm gonna love you!  Ain't no one gonna love you, like I'm gonna love you!"  She changes up the chorus now to give a promise of her love.  She is holding a rosary, almost as if to bring God into the mix and say that this isn't just her promising her love - God is part of this thing too.  That should give further assurance that this will be a love like no other.

Day 320 - Phenomenon

I watched this movie the other day, and it got to me on so many different levels. This movie is about an average, hometown guy who finds himself with some incredible powers and insights. I won't spoil the ending by telling you all of what happens to him, but I will say that this movie resonates with me quite a bit for 2 reasons. 
The first reason is because I sometimes feel like I'm an alien with powers that don't make much sense to me or those around me.  Now I've never moved a pen with my mind nor have I read 4 books in a day, but I do tend to be sensitive to or aware of things (some of which I'd prefer not to).  And I suspect that everyone of us has that thing within us that we feel sets us apart or makes us a bit strange.  We may have certain insights or gifts or things that are part of who we are (without even trying) that can sometimes catch people off guard.  In some cases, like in the movie, they can bring us isolation or ridicule, and this is a scary thing.  This can sometimes cause us to try to hide those things about ourselves to fit and not be rejected (I'll be the first to admit that I've been guilty).  But you were created to be uniquely, awesomely, FULLY you.  As Marianne Williamson so famously said, "Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."  You have no right to hold back for fear of other people.  God has gifted you, and you must love God and yourself enough to be fully present and fully you.
The second reason is because of the love story.  From the beginning of the movie, he has been in love with this woman and is trying to get with her.  Initially, she resists, because she's afraid of being hurt and of complications in her life, especially because she has her kids to consider.  Even though she has some feelings for him, she resists, and she is even given reason to justify her resistance when she finds out he lied.  Yet, he reaches out to her in friendship and begins to open up a bit.  Then one day after he's been essentially rejected by everyone, she goes to visit him.  She sees the state he's in - unshaven, looking crazy - and she has compassion on him.  She washes his hair and shaves him, and this is the beginning of their love affair.  Even though she doesn't fully understand (and even when she does), she supports him, giving him the love that others are afraid to.  This got to me, because it reminds me that even Superman needs love.  No matter our intelligence, bank balance, status, education, or any of those other things, all everyone of us really want is someone who will look at us in all of our crazy, quirky, uniqueness and love us just as we are. 

Day 319 - Y'all Need to Break Up

I was scrolling through my twitter timeline, and I saw a tweet with #YallNeedToBreakUpIf...  Being curious, I clicked on the picture and read the above.  And I am inclined to agree with much of the list...  I had to blog about it immediately.
1. When you live more in the past than the present, something is wrong. It's good to have happy memories, but if things in the relationship as it stands aren't bringing some happiness (even in the midst of tough times), you may need to reconsider. You can't live based on memories. 
2. It's true that not every moment will be skipping through the flowers hand-in-hand, and there will be times of frustration and pain, but if the pain is greatly outweighing the joy and the positive that it is bringing to your life, you may need to reconsider.
3. Now, I want people to understand that there is a difference between change and grow.  If someone expects you to be a different person than you truly are, that's a problem.  But if they expect you to grow and mature, there is nothing wrong with that.  In fact, that's a good thing, because they want to see you better. 
4. Again, be sure that what you expect is growth/maturity.  If you are waiting for someone to change who they are (become an extrovert when they're an introvert, for example), then you are going to be disappointed.  So you need to adjust your expectations or move on if what you want them to be is something that you need in a relationship.
5. If you have to justify why someone is doing something, you are trying to find reasons to stay in a situation that you have some sense is unhealthy.  There's a difference between justifying actions and understanding someone's growing edges... but again, see #2.
6. Abuse is never okay.  Ever.  Don't let anyone touch you in any way that causes you unwanted pain and/or fear.  And things like insults, neglect, infidelity, inconsistency, dishonesty, etc are also forms of abuse.  Love yourself enough to let go.
7. This one is interesting, because there will probably be 1 or 2 conversations/arguments that will continue to happen.  But if there is no progress made or if you have to keep asking for the same things (i.e. things you need in the relationship) and the person is making no effort to change or compromise, this may be a deal-breaking brick wall.
8. If you are doing all or 90% of the work in a relationship, you are better off by yourself, because in essence, you already are.  When someone cares, they will make the effort regardless of the circumstances.
9. We will not think or believe the very same thing as anyone else in this life, but if your core beliefs and values are complete opposites or in conflict with one another, this will likely cause great stress and strain in the relationship, no matter how much love there is.  If I have the belief that people should be monogamous in relationship and my boo feels like monogamy isn't possible, even in marriage, then we will probably not work out.
10. Any good relationship should help you grow.  If a relationship is keeping you from growing (actively) or not pushing encouraging you to grow (passively), it's not doing what it should, and it is probably doing more harm than good.
11. If you are waiting for things to break or for the sun to shine again, this isn't necessarily a bad thing.  The problem comes when this waiting goes on for an extended period and when you are by yourself in this waiting.  It's one thing to have a rough spot and be working through it together, but if you are in misery and the other person is oblivious, that's a problem.  For example, if your partner loses their job, it might get hard for a bit as you provide support.  You stay if they are trying to find a new job and work through things.  You may need to reconsider if they're not trying and thing just continue to get worse, especially in how you interact with one another.
12. When feelings aren't mutual, this is a major red flag, because the person who loves more is in danger of emotional burn-out, which can lead to anger, resentment, etc.  They will be putting in all kinds of effort while the other person chills, and this will result in negativity in the relationship.  Be on the same page, and let the other person know if your feelings change - they have a right to now.

Day 318 - Real Love

Since this song has been stuck in my head for the past 3 or so days (I've last track) since I first heard it, I guess I should blog about it...  :)  Good thing I kinda like the song.

"Don't you know you got the real, real love?"  He starts the song with this simple question.  He is addressing his love, asking her if she realizes that the love that they share is real (true, authentic, sincere).
"Precious: a word that comes to mind when the morning come and you're asleep by my side.  Cherish: a word that could describe how our love has stood the minute test of time.  In our lives, there's a whirlwind of changes this life may bring, but the real thing just holds off could what may.  And we got something real, baby."  For him, precious (of high price or great value; very valuable or costly; highly esteemed for some spiritual, nonmaterial, or moral quality; dear; beloved) captures the feeling of waking up next to his love.  Cherish (to hold or treat as dear; feel love for; to care for tenderly; nurture; to cling fondly or inveterately to) speaks to the fact that they have both held their love close to their hearts and made it work and continue for an extended period of time.  Though life has changed and shifted all around them (and presumably in their relationship), they have kept their love going, because when something is real, the obstacles don't matter as much as what you have together.  And he assures her that what they have is real.

"Real love, real love in a world full of make believe.  We got something real, girl. Real love, real love. I bet everything on you and me."  Their love is something real and true in a world where lies and fakeness dominate the culture, people's mindsets, and even relationships.  And because of the confidence that he has in what they share, he is willing to completely invest in their relationship, giving his whole self to seeing it through.
"I love you, not just for who you are, but for the way you made a better man out of me.  Now I try, I try, I swear baby every day I try to live a life deserving of this joy you give to me, to me.  Now you got your funny ways, girl. Lord knows I've got mine.  Still we keep on getting better, better all the time cuz we got something real, babe."  His love for her goes beyond just the beauty that encompasses her and who she is.  It extends to the fact that she touches him in such a way that it inspires him to change and grow (a sign of a healthy relationship).  His response to such a love is to try his best to give and love her the same way so that he is worthy of what she gives.  Of course, he acknowledges that they each have their quirks and things that make them less than awesome at times, but they love each other to work with and through things, because the love that they share makes it worth it.

"Real love, real love in a world where nothing's what it seems.  We got something real girl, real love, real love.  Just standing strong for the whole word to see."  This time the chorus highlights the fact that in a world of plastic surgery, special effects, and smoke and mirrors, they have something that is genuine and completely true.  They can even serve as an example of what truth and love should look like, because the strength of their bond is undeniable.
"Don't ever question what my heart needs tomorrow; girl, I just want the same ole love you gave me today.  We got it for sure - the kind of love that knows that joy brings some sorrow, but we can't go wrong if we just hold on.  Ain't nothing stronger."  While it is sometimes easy to get insecure when things change or if something happens, he is setting her mind at ease early, assuring her that he will always only ever need the love that she is currently giving him.  He recognizes that love will sometimes have its sorrowful moments, but if they continue to push and work at it together, they will continue to make it and live in a real, beautiful love.  Because of the time that they have invested, the strength that their love has been afforded makes it sure.
"Don't you know we got a real, don't you know we got a real love for sure?"  He ends the song with the same question that he began it with.  He is assured that their love is real, and he wants to make sure that she understands that it is real, especially since this seems to be such a rare occurrence nowadays.  Because of that, this is indeed something to be treasured and kept.