I was scrolling through my twitter timeline, and I saw a tweet with #YallNeedToBreakUpIf... Being curious, I clicked on the picture and read the above. And I am inclined to agree with much of the list... I had to blog about it immediately.
1. When you live more in the past than the present, something is wrong. It's good to have happy memories, but if things in the relationship as it stands aren't bringing some happiness (even in the midst of tough times), you may need to reconsider. You can't live based on memories.
2. It's true that not every moment will be skipping through the flowers hand-in-hand, and there will be times of frustration and pain, but if the pain is greatly outweighing the joy and the positive that it is bringing to your life, you may need to reconsider.
3. Now, I want people to understand that there is a difference between change and grow. If someone expects you to be a different person than you truly are, that's a problem. But if they expect you to grow and mature, there is nothing wrong with that. In fact, that's a good thing, because they want to see you better.
4. Again, be sure that what you expect is growth/maturity. If you are waiting for someone to change who they are (become an extrovert when they're an introvert, for example), then you are going to be disappointed. So you need to adjust your expectations or move on if what you want them to be is something that you need in a relationship.
5. If you have to justify why someone is doing something, you are trying to find reasons to stay in a situation that you have some sense is unhealthy. There's a difference between justifying actions and understanding someone's growing edges... but again, see #2.
6. Abuse is never okay. Ever. Don't let anyone touch you in any way that causes you unwanted pain and/or fear. And things like insults, neglect, infidelity, inconsistency, dishonesty, etc are also forms of abuse. Love yourself enough to let go.
7. This one is interesting, because there will probably be 1 or 2 conversations/arguments that will continue to happen. But if there is no progress made or if you have to keep asking for the same things (i.e. things you need in the relationship) and the person is making no effort to change or compromise, this may be a deal-breaking brick wall.
8. If you are doing all or 90% of the work in a relationship, you are better off by yourself, because in essence, you already are. When someone cares, they will make the effort regardless of the circumstances.
9. We will not think or believe the very same thing as anyone else in this life, but if your core beliefs and values are complete opposites or in conflict with one another, this will likely cause great stress and strain in the relationship, no matter how much love there is. If I have the belief that people should be monogamous in relationship and my boo feels like monogamy isn't possible, even in marriage, then we will probably not work out.
10. Any good relationship should help you grow. If a relationship is keeping you from growing (actively) or not pushing encouraging you to grow (passively), it's not doing what it should, and it is probably doing more harm than good.
11. If you are waiting for things to break or for the sun to shine again, this isn't necessarily a bad thing. The problem comes when this waiting goes on for an extended period and when you are by yourself in this waiting. It's one thing to have a rough spot and be working through it together, but if you are in misery and the other person is oblivious, that's a problem. For example, if your partner loses their job, it might get hard for a bit as you provide support. You stay if they are trying to find a new job and work through things. You may need to reconsider if they're not trying and thing just continue to get worse, especially in how you interact with one another.
12. When feelings aren't mutual, this is a major red flag, because the person who loves more is in danger of emotional burn-out, which can lead to anger, resentment, etc. They will be putting in all kinds of effort while the other person chills, and this will result in negativity in the relationship. Be on the same page, and let the other person know if your feelings change - they have a right to now.
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