When I saw this on facebook this morning, I knew I needed a YES! button. The more I think about myself and my life (and I'm a very introspective person, so that happens quite a bit), the more I realize that I have spent most of my life trying to hide myself, be it in parts or entirely. At 27, I am beginning to realize parts of my personality that have always been there but that I have been afraid to show for various reasons. I made parts of myself so foreign to me that I even rejected them because they didn't fit the image of myself that I had created in my head (and in the world). But in seeing statements like the one above, in thinking about the sermon that I struggled to write for Sunday (the majority of the struggle being my own understanding that I needed to embrace/live it before I could preach it), and in talking to people who see more in me than I can sometimes see in myself, I realize that the only thing that ever held me back from being wonderful me was fear.
To give you an example, I'll talk about my job. Part of my job as a youth minister is logistics/administrative stuff. This was a dreaded portion of my job, something I would happily pay someone else to deal with. And while I'm not saying that it's something I want to do all day everyday, I came to realize that part of my disdain for it was the fear I had of making phone calls, because I was concerned about the person on the other end of the phone would think of me. Really?! Looking back, it seems silly, but being as self-conscious as I was, things like that were part of my thought process. Granted, I'm an introvert, so talking to a bunch of people is never something I want to do lots of, but fear should not be that pervasive to the point that I would tremble or even avoid my job.
But in dealing with that fear, and in realizing the statement in the picture above, I realized a few things:
- I'm competent. I'm not perfect, but I do know what I'm doing, and so I should do it with confidence.
- Even if for some reason the person on the other end of the phone (or whoever I have to deal with) doesn't like me, they don't define me. There are plenty of fabulous people who do like me, and life goes on. I heard it said that if a person isn't paying your bills, then pay their opinions no mind. (And even if they are, they shouldn't dictate who you are.)
- I'm pretty awesome just by virtue of who I am. And there's no one action or thought or mistake or good deed or whatever that will change that.
I will say that I'm still in process, and I feel like I will be for the rest of my life. But I've come to the point in life and in my understanding of myself that I'm okay with who I am, even as I evolve in this next phase. That was a long, hard-fought battle, but it's been well worth it just to feel the way I do right now. I accept me, and that's really all I need right now. I don't have the time, energy, or desire to make someone realize about me what I have finally figured out - I am beautiful and worthwhile. You're free to disagree, but I'm no longer at a place where your opinion will alter my opinion of myself.
Admittedly, there is the tiniest twinge inside me that feels like all of this is arrogance. I realize that I've been taught humility to such a degree that it's kept me bound as well. Humility is important, because you don't want to think so much of yourself that no one else matters. At the same time, it has to be balanced, because you can be so humble that you fail to recognize your own greatness, which was part of my problem. God made me wonderful and awesome, so why wouldn't God want me to feel and express such? Even David said, "I am fearfully and wonderfully made." Modern translation - I'm awesome just because I exist. If we say that God is all kinds of great, and we are made in the image of God, wouldn't it follow that we too are great? Just saying... You can keep it humble by thanking God for making you fabulous.
So I encourage you to think about where you stand on your view of yourself. Do you love yourself? Can the opinion of someone else change how you feel? Are you living your life to try to convince others that you are worthy (because deep down you don't believe it, and you want their validation)? If you are, I recommend that you take some time to figure out why and making some self-loving corrections.
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