Day 348 - Childish

I was having a conversation yesterday with one of my friends about the changes going on with me, and she welcomed me to the many faucets of growth and maturity, adding that I would especially need these lessons as I entered my 30s.  I was saying how I feel conflicted about that idea - in some ways, I feel like I'm already there in terms of maturity and wisdom and such.  But there are other times when I still feel like a kid.  Her response: "there should always be preservation of your youth... it's okay to feel like a kid sometimes... it's when we make childish decisions that gets us in trouble."  We continued our conversation, and she talked about how childhood should be a safe space that we can venture back to when life gets crazy, but my mind was already on this blog. 

Childlike refers to characteristics of childhood: young, ingenuous, simple, guileless, trusting, innocent.   

Childish refers to characteristics or qualities of childhood that are undesirable and unpleasant: childish selfishness, outbursts of temper. 

As my friend and the definitions above make clear, there is a distinction between being childlike and being childish in attitude, understanding, and approach.  Being childlike means that you have an approach to things that favors simplicity, openness, the little things, creativity, and trust.  Children are very trusting, and years of life experience tend to strip that from us.  In fact, trusting adults are often labeled as naive, because once we get to a certain age, we are assumed to be less trusting.  This isn't always a bad thing, because it isn't wise to trust everyone.  At the same time, I think kids have a way of discerning things, but they have to be taught to trust that instinct rather than taught simply to fear the unfamiliar.  Being childlike allows us to still be awed by things like a butterfly in flight or the peaceful flow of a river or lightning bugs.  And in relationships, it allows us a deep empathy.  One of the most touching things I've ever seen in a child attempting to comfort a parent.  The small child may not know what's wrong, but in seeing a parent cry, the child will wrap its little arms around parent, saying things like "don't cry, it's gonna be okay."

On the other hand, childish people tend to be more selfish, self-centered, defensive, and pleasure-seeking in their attitude.  The entire world revolves around them as they are developing an awareness and understanding of self.  Because of this, everything that happens is interpreted as being about them personally.  They want their way, and when they don't get it, attention-seeking tantrums follow.  Because they lack the ability to clearly verbalize their feelings, things like screaming, overreacting, the silent treatment, and other purely emotional forms of communication become the norm in a relationship.  And the decision-making process doesn't typically take into consideration the feelings or desires of others.  It tends to strictly be based on what seems best for self.  

So why am I writing this?  Well, because in order to have better, more loving relationships, we need to grow up.  There is nothing wrong with being childlike - trust me, I love coloring, blowing bubbles, swing sets, and cartoons as much as any 8 year old - but being childish will not only hurt others but yourself.  I do consider myself a big kid, because I love to let my "inner child" come out to play quite often.  But when it comes to how I treat others and making decisions in relationships, I quickly switch to adult mode, understanding that I can't just satisfy my momentary desire or my ego when dealing with other people.   It's been noted and shared with me countless times that I think a lot (some people would say too much), but I spend a good bit of time thinking (and praying) because I don't want to impulsively do something and then have to deal with the consequences later.  So it may take me a minute, but I want to make the mature, intelligent, considerate choice.  This doesn't mean that I always deny my desires, because that's just not the case.  But I do try to satisfy them in ways that won't have detrimental consequences or hurt myself/other people in the process.
Let's make our aim to be less childish and more childlike.  The world could use more people who are empathetic and imaginative, and it could use far fewer people who are driven by their impulses and self-centered desires.