Because I've been thinking a lot about intimacy lately and experiencing it in some unexpected ways, I thought I would share some insights. Most people assume that intimacy is the same as sex, but that is not true. It's possible to have intimacy without sex, and it's possible to have sex without intimacy. And while I previously held to the "traditional" definition, I've been taught that intimacy breaks down to "into me see," which is about being open and vulnerable to someone such that there is space for sharing and love to enter in. I've found this to be a helpful definition.
I've been blessed to experience intimacy in a hug, in a conversation, in an email, and a variety of other places. For me, intimacy has come to be more than a moment for a special occasion. I want it to be (and happily it's becoming) a consistent characteristic of my relationships. Because I tend toward the deep end of the pool, I pour a lot out. This causes me to need to be poured back into, and intimacy does that for me. It's a refilling and refreshing in a way. It's a way of letting you know that you are loved and cared for.
Two examples of intimacy that I've received stand out when I think about it. Both were unexpected but on-time. The first came from my best guy friend. I'd been having the week from Hell, and so when I saw him and he asked how I was, my "fine" didn't fly. So we walked to his place and talked - i.e. I told him about all that was on my mind and bothering me. After he sat and thought for a bit, he asked if I wanted a hug. I said sure, not really caring much either way. So I walked over to him and we hugged. After the appropriate amount of time, I went to move, and he said "I'm just gonna hold you for a while." I said okay and sat on his lap, letting him hold me. For the time I spent there, things just seemed a little more still and quite nice. Every now and then, he'd rub my back or my head, and I just enjoyed the peace. When I finally sat up, I wondered why I felt so different. He said something to the effect of "you said you wanted intimacy, so I thought I'd give you that." Now, we'd had that conversation some months before, so the fact that he remembered and provided it for me... blew me away.
The second was less involved but equally as powerful. Because of my work schedule, I only get to see certain of my friends once a week, which makes me sad, because I love seeing the people I love. Either way, because of circumstances and situations, I wasn't gonna be able to see one of them. I sighed, but I moved on, because that's life. Either way, went to dinner with some friends and came to drop one of them off and who is at their place but the friend I had wanted to see. She peeked in the car and saw me (I was in the back on the passenger side), and she came around to the other side. I got out and she hugged me. Now, we've had maybe 2 actual conversations with her up to this point, but for some reason, there was something in her hugged that changed my life. Because I know her and trust her, especially having seen her in her relationship with one of my good friends, intimacy and care can be shared without words. I also believe strongly in the spiritual component of intimacy which connects people in ways that words sometimes cannot.
There is a beauty in intimacy that should permeate all relationships. It deals with trust and care and openness, which is something we all need in order to be healthy in all parts of our being.
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