Today, I am going to preach my Initial Sermon and become a licensed minister in the Baptist Church. Now, while that means a lot of different things to a lot of people, for me, it is about taking another step in my journey and being faithful to what I believe God is calling me to do. Titles don’t impress me, but I’m aware that part of my call will be best suited with acting in a ministerial capacity. I shall speak out of what God has given me, and I appreciate the church and my pastor for recognizing the gifts within me and making it official.
But the real point of this blog is to express love to my greatest Love. In working on this sermon, I have gone on a journey through pain, my past, and myself to get to be unrestrained. While this sermon has been about 3 years in the making, my entire life has been the text for this particular message. There have been so many things that sought to bind me and keep me from just living life day to day, much less living in the fullness of joy and peace that God desires for all humans. I’ve had some days that I thought would be my last on earth, endured pain that I thought would stop my heart on the spot, and dealt with things that I knew no one should have to feel…. I’ve dealt with fear and depression, thoughts of suicide, and so many other things. I shut down my own emotions to avoid the pain. I lived a miserable existence…
But through it all, God has been amazing, faithful, and so many other things. The pain, the heartache, the struggles, the lies, the poverty – all of it has been shaped into something beautiful, complementing the beautiful creation that God first formed in my mother’s womb to make me the Alexandria that I am today. While I am not complete and perfect and I have certainly not ‘arrived,’ I can walk in the spirit of unrestrained because I am on the journey and facing forward. I daily lose a bit more bondage and restraint, and I am able to smile in the midst of pain and stand when I’d rather not. And more than anything else, I can stand in the assurance that I’m loved no matter who on earth rejects me, and that makes all the difference in the world. I no longer have a hole in my heart. And because of all that I’ve been given, my heart is eternally grateful and in God’s hands.
While my theology has changed and my beliefs have shifted over the course of my life, I stand firmly and unshakably on the fact that God exists and loves me in such a deep, healing way that my life’s desire is to share that with the rest of the world. I know that God can seem abstract and far away at times, especially depending on where you get your theology and/or doctrine, but I challenge everyone to seek to feel God. I’m a firm believer that if you seek God and ask God to reveal Godself, God will happily show you the reality of God.
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