Day 300 - Whoknows

300 days in... I can hardly believe it.  Anyway, I was supposed to blog about this song ages ago, but I forgot.  Yet, when Pandora brought it back to my remembrance this morning, I knew I had to do it today. 

"Now what we came here to do, it means more to me than just a night that we share.  So make sure that you're prepared, baby, and know that love is not just something to do.  It's the moment that transcends our physical into a more spiritual level of understanding."  The singer appears to have an attraction to and connection with someone, and they have come together to share space.  He wants this time to be more than a one-night stand.  He even goes so far as to say that love isn't just something to do - it's not a space filler or something to occupy time because they have needs or they have nothing better to do.  For him, it's a serious endeavor that goes beyond sexual contact and touches the spiritual beings of two people who desire to connect in a meaningful way.

"And who knows?  Somehow this night just might lead us into a place where our emotions can grow if we let them go, cuz who knows what may happen if we act on our attractions and lose ourselves inside a world made for us and no one else?  Hey girl, just let me love you."  The chorus is beautiful to me.  It essentially says that he's unsure of where things may go if they venture to take this step into deeper relationship, but it could lead to great places.  It could lead to a space of expanded love and emotions as they set themselves free in a space of intimacy between the two of them.  Either way, he just wants her to let him love her.  He is asking her to open up, trusting him to care for her in this vulnerable space and to extend himself as well, being open with her so she is not being vulnerable by herself.

"Now ain't no need to be afraid cuz I'll be as gentle as it takes yo provide you with the right amount of pleasure and pain and I'll make sure that you feel alright, even if it takes me all night.  Cuz the joy is all mine when I know you're satisfied, so let's keep giving all we got."  For him, this is not just about getting his.  He desires to make love to her, connecting to her and providing a caring, intimate experience that satisfies her body as well as her soul.  And he is willing to take his time to make sure that things are right for her.  Knowing that she receives what she needs will give him more satisfaction and joy than just getting his own pleasure, because he cares about her.  He wants them both to give their all so that they can share in the full experience of love.

"Listen, now I can see it in your eyes (I can handle whatever's on your mind) that you want to, baby, just as bad as I do, and girl I wanna give it to you.  Now if you can just set aside your fears and just try to deal with what's going on with us right now."  He can see that she is in the same place as he is, desiring to share in that intimate space of love and care.  He is asking her to set aside her fears of being hurt and whatever else may be in the way and simply enjoy what is between them, receiving love as it has presented itself from them to embrace and share.

Day 299 - Two Choices

This is the second time I've gotten this story in my email, and both times, it has made me cry.  I think we sometimes get so caught up in winning and losing that we don't stop to think about showing love to others, especially those who are differently-abled or less fortunate.  But what would it take to share a little bit of joy with someone else, giving when you have nothing to gain in return except the satisfaction of making another human being smile and feel loved?

What would you do?.....you make the choice. Don't look for a punch line, there isn't one. Read it anyway.  My question is: Would you have made the same choice?

At a fundraising dinner for a school that serves children with learning disabilities, the father of one of the students delivered a speech that would never be forgotten by all who attended. After extolling the school and its dedicated staff, he offered a question: 'When not interfered with by outside influences, everything nature does, is done with perfection. Yet my son, Shay, cannot learn things as other children do. He cannot understand things as other children do.  Where is the natural order of things in my son?'
The audience was stilled by the query.
The father continued. 'I believe that when a child like Shay, who was mentally and physically disabled comes into the world, an opportunity to realize true human nature presents itself, and it comes in the way other people treat that child.'
Then he told the following story:
Shay and I had walked past a park where some boys Shay knew were playing baseball. Shay asked, 'Do you think they'll let me play?' I knew that most of the boys would not want someone like Shay on their team, but as a father I also understood that if my son were allowed to play, it would give him a much-needed sense of belonging and some confidence to be accepted by others in spite of his handicaps.
I approached one of the boys on the field and asked (not expecting much) if Shay could play. The boy looked around for guidance and said, 'We're losing by six runs and the game is in the eighth inning. I guess he can be on our team and we'll
try to put him in to bat in the ninth inning.'

Shay struggled over to the team's bench and, with a broad smile, put on a team shirt. I watched with a small tear in my eye and warmth in my heart. The boys saw my joy at my son being accepted.

In the bottom of the eighth inning, Shay's team scored a few runs but was still behind by three.
In the top of the ninth inning, Shay put on a glove and played in the right field. Even though no hits came his way, he was obviously ecstatic just to be in the game and on the field, grinning from ear to ear as I waved to him from the stands.
In the bottom of the ninth inning, Shay's team scored again.
Now, with two outs and the bases loaded, the potential winning run was on base and Shay was scheduled to be next at bat.
At this juncture, do they let Shay bat and give away their chance to win the game?
Surprisingly, Shay was given the bat.  Everyone knew that a hit was all but impossible because Shay didn't even know how to hold the bat properly, much less connect with the ball..
However, as Shay stepped up to the plate, the pitcher, recognizing that the other team was putting winning aside for this moment in Shay's life, moved in a few steps to lob the ball in softly so Shay could at least make contact.
The first pitch came and Shay swung clumsily and missed.
The pitcher again took a few steps forward to toss the ball softly towards Shay.
As the pitch came in, Shay swung at the ball and hit a slow ground ball right back to the pitcher.

The game would now be over.
The pitcher picked up the soft grounder and could have easily thrown the ball to the first baseman.
Shay would have been out and that would have been the end of the game.
Instead, the pitcher threw the ball right over the first baseman's head, out of reach of all team mates.
Everyone from the stands and both teams started yelling, 'Shay, run to first! Run to first!'
Never in his life had Shay ever run that far, but he made it to first base.
He scampered down the baseline, wide-eyed and startled.
Everyone yelled, 'Run to second, run to second!'
Catching his breath, Shay awkwardly ran towards second, gleaming and struggling to make it to the base.
By the time Shay rounded towards second base, the right fielder had the ball . the smallest guy on their team who now had his first chance to be the hero for his team.
He could have thrown the ball to the second-baseman for the tag, but he understood the pitcher's intentions so he, too, intentionally threw the ball high and far over the third-baseman's head.
Shay ran toward third base deliriously as the runners ahead of him circled the bases toward home.
All were screaming, 'Shay, Shay, Shay, all the Way Shay!'
Shay reached third base because the opposing shortstop ran to help him by turning him in the direction of third base, and shouted, 'Run to third!
Shay, run to third!'
As Shay rounded third, the boys from both teams, and the spectators, were on their feet screaming, 'Shay, run home! Run home!'

Shay ran to home, stepped on the plate, and was cheered as the hero who hit the grand slam and won the game for his team.

'That day', said the father softly with tears now rolling down his face, 'the boys from both teams helped bring a piece of true love and humanity into this world'.
Shay didn't make it to another summer.
He died that winter, having never forgotten being the hero and making me so happy, and coming home and seeing his Mother tearfully embrace her little hero of the day!

Day 298 - The Best in Me (You Don't Know My Story)

I was riding in the car the other day when "The Best in Me" by Marvin Sapp came on the radio.  While I don't typically listen to this song on a regular basis, for some reason I decided to sit with it as it played.  I was thinking about it, and it clicked to me.  Of course God knows everything about me and sees both the best and the worst in me.  It is understood that if you see God as all-knowing and all-wise, that just follows as logical.  Even though this is an awesome thought - God knows all about me and loves me anyway - I felt led to think about this concept in a different way. 

Now, I have to say that I tend to be the type to see the best in people.  This is not always the case, but most of the time, I try to look for (and I find) the positive in people, even when all others see is the negative.  Now, I'm not blind to the negative, but for some reason, I have a knack for focusing on the positive.  I'm sure there are many reasons for this, but I'm not going to speculate at this current moment.  I will say that it's caused some interesting moments in my relationships, because I tend to see things in people that they don't yet see in themselves or live, and it is easy for me to relate to them based on what I see rather than what currently exists.    

Either way, as I listened to the song, I thought, what would it be like if we all saw the best in each other?  What if we all say each other as God sees us?  What if we could see and appreciate the positive but we could also see the negative and the reasoning behind it, allowing us to extend grace?   How many times have we met someone and the first thing we encountered was their loud mouth, their interesting attitude, or some other less than endearing quality?  It can be easy to write someone off based on that first impression, but if we would take a closer look, we would see that there is a reason behind the loud front and there is some pain behind that attitude.  This is not to say that we are supposed to try to befriend and fix everyone, because that's not possible.  What I am saying is that I think it's important to understand that everyone you meet is a culmination of their experiences. 
There's a gospel song that says, "You don't know my story, all the things that I've been through.  You can't feel my pain, what I had to go through to get here.  You'll never understand my praise, don't try to figure it out, because my worship, my worship is for real."  As the song says, you have no idea what has gotten a person where they are.  And just like it's impossible to extend someone's worship without knowing their story, it's also impossible to understand someone's shyness, emotional barriers, addictions, quirks, or other outside manifestations of the internal things that life has created within them.  

Now, with strangers or acquaintances, this may be a bit challenging, since we may not get to spend enough time with them to see all the positives, this should definitely be applied to those who we are closest to.  (Of course, to make the transition from stranger/acquaintance to friend or boo, we have to extend some measure of this patience and grace.)  It's been said that the first few months of any relationship tend to be great - the honeymoon period - and then people's true colors begin to come out.  Well, ideally, we should be fairly open and upfront from the beginning, but that's another conversation.  But either way, when more of those true colors begin appearing, what will be your reaction.  Bob Marley once said, "the truth is, everybody is going to hurt you.  You just gotta find the ones worth suffering for."  While that is a slightly upsetting prospect, it is true.  Because none of us are perfect, we will all hurt someone and be hurt by someone at some point.  The question is who in your life makes the small pains worth their overall presence in your life.

So what am I saying?  Take time to get to know a person's story before you write them off.  And when you are in relationship (be it friendship or otherwise) with someone, allow their story to motivate you to provide love and patience, especially if they hurt/upset you.  Will everyone receive the help or allow you to love them past their pain?  No.  But it should always be your aim to be the best friend/lover/whatever you can be.  Because there have been those in my life that have provided grace and loved me when I acted like a complete ass, not to mention the great unconditional love of God, I have a true desire to see the best in others, getting to know their story and providing the love that I know myself that I need.  We all need a little understanding, so let's extend the same to others. 

Day 297 - Change Part 2

So I was listening to "Change," a song I blogged about in an earlier entry, and I was struck once again by the chorus: 

"If I could change the world, I would be the sunlight in your universe.  You would think my love was really something good, baby, if I could change, if I could change the world."  I thought about the power of that type of love that can motivate you to want to change the world.  We can look at the pain and the injustice in the world and desire to make a change for the ones we love in order to try to protect them....

But then the next song that came on (gotta love the iTunes Shuffle feature) was "The Reason," another song that I've previously blogged about.  The chorus to this song says, “I found a reason for me to change who I used to be, a reason to start over new and the reason is you.”  The other variation of the chorus at the end of the song says, “I found a reason to show a side of me you didn’t know, a reason for all that I do, and the reason is you."  Hearing these two songs back to back got me thinking.  
It's one thing for me to love someone enough that I want to change the world....  It's something entirely different to love someone enough to want to change myself.  I know people who work hard everyday to fight the inequality and injustice that plagues our society but who won't spend 15 minutes dealing with their own personal demons.  The problem with this kind of living is that you can do great things and make change for others, but at the end of the day, you still have to live with you.  This is part of why many famous people have addictions and issues - they do great things on the public front but they are unable to deal with their personal things.  Part of that is the fact that there is a tremendous amount of pressure on them socially because of society's celebrity worship, but I digress.
The reality is that facing your own stuff is hard.  When I have to face my past, my childhood scars, my imperfections, my insecurities, my pain, and all that is not so awesome within me, it makes me want to run or hide.  This is why it's easy for things like alcohol, drugs, sex, and other addictions to become part of our lives - we want something that will ease/hide the pain.  I will be the first to admit that I have had occasions where I've enjoyed a drink or two more than I should have because I didn't want to deal with an emotional pain that I was feeling.  Of course, it only helped for a moment, because once the buzz was gone and I woke up, the issue and the hurt were still there (and there were times when I've done stupid things while in my buzzed space that made things worse).  
So if I love you enough to have the courage to face my own stuff, then I think that speaks volumes.  I might love someone enough to stand up for a cause, risking death or something like that, but it's another thing to do the work of opening up myself and laying myself on the operating table.  I recognize that I'm not perfect, but that doesn't always mean that I want to face or do anything about my imperfections.  Yet, if my issues are hurting someone I love, then you best believe I will find a way to change them.  I can't allow my issues and insecurities to hurt someone I love and say "that's just the way I am," because that's simply not true.  Some things we do are part of a coping mechanism from previous pain, and it causes us to do things that hurt those closest to us.  That's why it's important to take time with your own stuff (whether you are single or in a relationship) and make the necessary changes to do better - for yourself and for those you love.

Day 296 - Love through the Eyes of a Child

While I did not write this, I think it's absolutely beautiful and I wanted to share it with you as part of my blog.  Enjoy...

What Love means to a 4-8 year old...

Touching words from the mouth of babes..

A group of professional people posed this question to a group of 4 to 8 year-olds ,

'What does love mean?'

... The answers they got were broader and deeper than anyone could have imagined

See what you think:

'When my grandmother got arthritis , she couldn't bend over and paint her toenails anymore.. So my grandfather does it for her all the time , even when his hands got arthritis too. That's love.'

Rebecca- age 8

'When someone loves you , the way they say your name is different.
You just know that your name is safe in their mouth.'

Billy - age 4

'Love is when a girl puts on perfume and a boy puts on shaving cologne and they go out and smell each other.'

Karl - age 5

'Love is when you go out to eat and give somebody most of your French fries without making them give you any of theirs.'

Chrissy - age 6

'Love is what makes you smile when you're tired.'

Terri - age 4

'Love is when my mommy makes coffee for my daddy and she takes a sip before giving it to him , to make sure the taste is OK.'

Danny - age 7

'Love is when you kiss all the time. Then when you get tired of kissing , you still want to be together and you talk more. My Mommy and Daddy are like that.
They look gross when they kiss'

Emily - age 8

'Love is what's in the room with you at Christmas if you stop opening presents
And listen.'

Bobby - age 7 (Wow!)

'If you want to learn to love better , you should start with a friend who you hate , '

Nikka - age 6
(we need a few million more Nikka's on this planet)

'Love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt , then he wears it everyday..'

Noelle - age 7

'Love is like a little old woman and a little old man who are still friends even after they know each other so well.'

Tommy - age 6

'During my piano recital , I was on a stage and I was scared. I looked at all the people watching me and saw my daddy waving and smiling.

He was the only one doing that. I wasn't scared anymore.'

Cindy - age 8

'My mommy loves me more than anybody
You don't see anyone else kissing me to sleep at night.'

Clare - age 6

'Love is when Mommy gives Daddy the best piece of chicken.'

Elaine-age 5

'Love is when Mommy sees Daddy smelly and sweaty and still says he is handsomer than Robert Redford ..'

Chris - age 7

'Love is when your puppy licks your face even after you left him alone all day.'

Mary Ann - age 4

'I know my older sister loves me because she gives me all her old clothes and has to go out and buy new ones.'

Lauren - age 4

'When you love somebody , your eyelashes go up and down and little stars come out of you.' (what an image)

Karen - age 7

'Love is when Mommy sees Daddy on the toilet and she doesn't think it's gross..'

Mark - age 6

'You really shouldn't say 'I love you' unless you mean it. But if you mean it , you should say it a lot. People forget.'

Jessica - age 8
And the final one

The winner was a four year old child whose next door neighbor was an elderly gentleman who had recently lost his wife.

Upon seeing the man cry , the little boy went into the old gentleman's yard , climbed onto his lap , and just sat there.

When his Mother asked what he had said to the neighbor , the little boy said ,

'Nothing , I just helped him cry'  

Day 295 - Best Thing I Never Had

While this song may not seem like a love song per se, I think it speaks to the type of love that I've been blogging about the most - self love.  Sometimes you have to recognize a person for who/what they really are and decide that, despite what's in your heart for them, that you need/deserve more than they can/will give.

"What goes around comes back around, hey, my baby.  What goes around comes back around, my, my, my baby.  I say, what goes around comes back around, hey, my baby.  What goes around comes back around."  I'm a strong believer in karma, so I do my best to treat others and stay faithful and respectful of relationship.  It appears that the sing has been wronged in some way by the person she cared for, and she is essentially that what he did to her will be done back to him. 
"There was a time I thought that you did everything right - no lies, no wrong.  Boy, I must've been out of my mind."  It's amazing how we sometimes wear the rose-colored glasses of infatuated love that make a person appear more wonderful than they are and without flaws.  Of course, sometimes, the person plays a large part in that, hiding and covering up and lying to give us that impression.  But it's not long before the truth confronts us and we have to decide what to do with it.

"So when I think of the time that I almost loved you, you showed your ass and I saw the real you.  Thank God you blew it.  I thank God I dodged a bullet.  I'm so over you, so, baby, good looking out."  As the singer reflects, she thinks how close she came to giving her heart to someone who was truly deserving, and she can't help but to praise God for delivering her.  There are times when God doesn't give us what we pray/ask for, and this seems to be one of the times when we see why.  She avoided making a huge mistake, and she is thankful to the person for revealing his true colors in time enough for her to run and avoid complete heartbreak. 
"I wanted you bad.  I'm so through with that, cuz honestly, you turned out to be the best thing I never had.  You turned out to be the best thing I never had, and I'm gon' always be the best thing you never had.  Oh yeah, I bet it sucks to be you right now."  She badly wanted to be in relationship with him, really liking him, but now that the truth of who he is has come out, she has no more desire for him.  This is where the self love comes in - you have to recognize that despite the palpitations of your heart, if someone doesn't treat you well, you have to be willing to let them go no matter how much you wanted them.  While he appeared to be great, he is really the best at being the worst.  He is at the top of the list for what she doesn't need.  And on the other hand, she is the best person that he will never have.  She confidently asserts that she is amazing and that because he screwed up, he missed out on having someone awesome like her.  No one as awesome as she is will ever love him. 
"So sad, you're hurt, boohoo.  O, did you expect me to care?  You don't deserve my tears, I guess that's why they ain't there."  For her, she sees that he now has regrets and is upset by the way things have played out, but she finds it hard to have sympathy when he is the one that messed up and did her wrong.  He made the choice to do her wrong, so she can't be sympathetic about the consequences of his actions.

"I know you want me back.  It's time to face the facts that I'm the one that's got away.  Lord knows that it would take another place, another time, another world, another life.  Thank God I found the good in good-bye."  It is time for him to accountable, taking responsibility for his actions.  He has done wrong to her, and there is no getting her back.  In the music video, she is getting married to someone else, so it really looks like there is no more possibility for him.  She says it would take another world and another lifetime for there to be possibility, but in this present space, nope.  She once again thanks God for redirecting her path and for allowing her to see the good in good-bye.  While most people hate saying "good-bye," in this case, it proved to be a good thing, because it is keeping her from future heartache at the hands of this person.

Day 294 - Afraid to Be Alone

I was talking to my best friend the other day, and we were talking about a mutual friend who we've observed in some interesting relational patterns. I've known her for about 7 years, and in that time, she hasn't been single for more than a month.  This is not because she's been with the same person since we met.  Actually, she has had several persons of interest in that time, but she doesn't believe in taking too much of a break between them.  In fact, there were instances where she was already on the hunt before her current relational situation had ended.  The more we discussed her relational patterns, the more I thought about the people I know and even myself, and I began to see that this is more the norm than the exception. Now, this is not to say that everyone is what one of my friends calls a "serial monogamist" or "serial dater" (two different things by the way) but there are some parallels in behavior among some of the people I'm closest to (myself included) that I've observed that mirror my friend's patterns.
What do I mean?  Well, as the title of the entry suggests, some people are just afraid to be by themselves.  I will use myself as an example (because I know myself better than I know other people).  Though my number of actual, status change on Facebook relationships is fairly low since I started high school 13 years ago (wow, I feel slightly old saying that), especially considering the fact that my longest relationship was 9 months (with a break in the middle), in much of that time, there wasn't much time that I didn't have some sort of relational situation.  This could be that I was talking to someone, hanging out with someone, flirting with someone, having a crush on someone, or any number of things.  The point is that I didn't spend much time without some sort of attachment.  In undergrad, things were a bit different, but for the most part, I had not spent a significant amount of time by myself. 
Why is this a problem?  Well, considering that between then and now I have gone through much and transformed tremendously as a person, it makes a difference.  I am a very introspective person, and so I spend a good deal of time thinking about myself and how things are affecting/changing me.  Yet, even with all my introspection, there are certain parts of myself that I am just now coming to terms with (namely my emotions), and it is difficult to work out my emotions and my sense of self while trying to give my all to someone else in relationship (because I'm going to give my all regardless - that's just how I function in relationship).  Some things are best worked through with someone else, because when you're in a relational situation, you can see things about yourself that you can't see on your own.  But in that same vein, when there are things in you that need to be fixed or worked on in order to improve yourself (especially once the relational situation has ended), it is best to take a moment to work through those things that you have discovered.  Jumping into something will someone else will not likely be helpful, because the necessary growth as a result of where you were has probably not had time to happen adequately yet.
Why do we do it?  Well, there are any number of reasons that people refuse to or feel unable/unwilling to be by themselves.  I've heard it said that "the best way to get over an old love is to get under a new one," but I'm inclined to disagree.  It's true that a new relational situation can distract you from the pain/feelings associated with the previous one, but that doesn't mean that you are any more healed or over the person.  For me, I will say that part of it is desiring to feel loved.  It is as natural as the day is long to want to feel loved - it is a basic human need after all.  The problem comes in when that need becomes an unhealthy desire to be constantly surrounded and affirmed by others because your own self-love is not in place as it should be.  I came to the realization a couple years ago that because I didn't have a foundation of self-love that my heart was a like a bucket with a whole in the bottom - no matter how much love was poured in, it would always find its way back out because the hole was there and I could never feel secure just as I was.  This is why love for others has to come after a healthy self love. 
We tend to think (especially because society has confirmed) that if we are by ourselves, then it means that we are not loved or that something is wrong with us.  This is especially true of women once they reach a certain age.  We tend to get the questions about being single, wanting to get married, etc.  My dad asked me a few weeks ago when he would have some grandchildren, which is hilarious to me considering the fact that I still live in his house - priorities....  But the pressure of society, combined with our own insecurities and longings can cause us to chase sex, relationships, attention, and the like without regard for our overall emotional health and well-being.  Sure, it's grand to have someone, especially when there is some level of connection and they can help you feel loved/grow, but there is nothing like a little time to yourself.  This is also where the rebound phenomenon comes about, and we can end up hurting people by trying to put them in the emotional space that someone before filled (or our own personal emotional void).  Been there, done that too. 
So I would strongly advise taking some time to yourself, especially if it's been a long time since you've done so.  It's better to take a little time to yourself and be sure of where you stand than to continue in a relational situation that is not really good for you or the person you are with.  And anyone who doesn't understand your need/desire to pause in order to grow should probably be re-evaluated.  Don't be afraid to sit with you, because you are always going to be with you.  Yes, there may some stuff that you need to deal with that's less than pleasant, but it's better to live the truth of all of who you are than to live in a bubble of surface relationship to yourself. 
[I think there's more that I can say, but that will have to wait for another entry...]

Day 293 - Make You Feel My Love

So as I was listening to my Jill Scott station on Pandora, I heard this song....  I've become a fan of Adele recently, and so as I listened to this, I felt my heart swell just a bit.  I'm clearly a romantic, but more than that, I'm a fan of love in all its beautiful, hardcore, life-changing forms, especially when it comes to showing people love.  Alas, this song is perfect for that. 

"When the rain is blowing in your face and the whole world is on your case, I could offer you a warm embrace to make you feel my love. When the evening shadows and the stars appear and there is no one there to dry your tears, I could hold you for a million years to make you feel my love."  Everyone of us runs into issues and troubles in life.  It is good to know that someone out there cares and is willing to be there for us in those times, and the singer is extending that comfort to someone in order that they may feel her love.  For her, love is not just words spoken, but it is the manifestation of care that makes love real.

"I know you haven't made your mind up yet, but I would never do you wrong.  I've known it from the moment that we met, no doubt in my mind where you belong.  I'd go hungry; I'd go black and blue, I'd go crawling down the avenue - no, there's nothing that I wouldn't do to make you feel my love."  It appears that the singer is trying to convince the one that she loves that they belong together.  While the person may be undecided, she has felt something deep inside since they first met that tells her that they are destined.  Because of this, she desires to never bring pain and only to show love.  She is willing to give up things and sacrifice, to even fight to show the love that is within her.  Once again, love is not just the words spoken but the things that we do to show it.

"The storms are raging on the rolling sea and on the highway of regret.  Though winds of change are blowing wild and free, you ain't seen nothing like me yet.  I could make you happy, make your dreams come true.  Nothing that I wouldn't do - go to the ends of the Earth for you, to make you feel my love, to make you feel my love."  Life is full of crazy, unpredictable surprises and circumstances.  Yet with all that you've encountered and experienced, the singer says that she has a love that rivals anything that her friend has ever seen.  She assures her love that she can bring happiness and even help bring dreams to life, because there is nothing that she wouldn't do to make her love visible.  Above all, she wants the person that she loves to be able to truly feel the love that is within her.  For her, it's about faithfulness, support, care, and action - that is what allows people to feel love beyond all the romantic stuff or words anyone can say.

Day 292 - Fall in Love with Self

"It's all about falling in love with yourself and sharing that love with someone who appreciates you, rather than looking for love to compensate for a self love deficit."  As I was looking at facebook the other day, and I saw this as a friend's status.  Clearly, I had to "like" the status immediately, but in the midst of the things I was doing, I didn't have time to sit with it.  But now that I have a few moments (and I couldn't sleep thinking about it last night), I figured I should blog about it.  This statement is so very true, and I know that it's something I've spent much of my life both thinking about and dealing with.  RuPaul always says, "If you don't love yourself, how the hell you gonna love somebody else?"  Without loving who you are and being able to appreciate and respect yourself just as you are, you will be very tempted to accept less than you deserve or allow yourself to fit into the mold of someone else when in relationship. 
When I take the time to get to know myself - my wants, my needs, my desires, my quirks, etc - then I have a better idea of what I want in a relationship.   I will have a better idea of what I can handle, what is a deal-breaker or a must-have, etc.  Now granted, it is impossible to plan who you will love or what will come into your life, but in general, I will have a better idea what/who will fit me.  I will also be strong and sure enough in myself that I will only deal with what someone who truly appreciates the beauty that is me. 
But when you are reaching out for love from someone else because it's not within you, then you will most likely reach for the first person who shows you a decent amount of attention or affection.  That, of course, can lead to disaster, especially if you hide your true feelings, wants, and needs in order to gain approval and acceptance from that person.  And if you are the giving sort (like I am), you can sometimes be taken advantage of by people who love to receive but don't necessarily love you.  Then you find yourself giving and bending and molding to fit them and make them happy because you feel that they bring you love, all the while, you are feeling depleted and most likely find yourself become angry, because your needs aren't being met sufficiently even as you pour out yourself for the other person.  
The key to avoiding this is to love yourself first.  Take some time (by yourself - as is while you're not in a relationship, "friendship," or any other such arrangement) and figure out who you are and what you really want/need.  Where are you mentally, emotionally, spiritually, physically?  Are you in a good, healthy place (or at least working toward that)?  Are you even ready to be in a relationship?  Do you love yourself enough to be able to truthfully express to someone what you want/need?  What do you need to feel loved?  What do you need your partner to say/do to help you feel that?  Do you want someone who is affectionate?  Do you want someone who is verbally expressive or do you prefer someone who is more action-oriented?  Do you want to talk to the person all the time or would you rather just check in daily?  What are your physical and sexual expectations?  What kind of ambition do you want the person you are with to have?  All of these and more are things to be considered when you are not with someone, because if you're already in a relational situation, you will likely base your answers on the person you are with and not be able gain a true assessment....  Of course, some people are afraid to be by themselves, but that will be another entry....
Either way, take time to love yourself and the right person will come along and appreciate the beauty that is you.  But you have to be able to appreciate that beauty for yourself first...

Day 290 - Yes

So, I wasn't necessarily going to do a V-Day love song, because that is almost too cliche, but when I watched this music video, I absolutely had to do it.  V-Day's origins aren't really specifically known, but in my research, it seemed to be about "love in spite of."  This video captures that perfectly, and the lyrics to the song are equally touching.  So Happy Valentine's Day and I pray that you find love in spite of, even if it's self-love.
"Let me get this out the way so there ain't no complications later on for us, no.  Look, I know things don't stay the same - people grow and seasons change, but when it comes to love don't you feel like you ever gotta worry about my feelings changing for you over time.  Cuz when I say I'm here, girl, I mean it."  The singer seems to be really setting some grounds in establishing the relationship to let his girl know that while things and people change, she can count on the love that he has to not do so.  He wants to let her know that he is going to be there no matter what.  [This makes even more sense in the context of the video, because it appears that his girl has been diagnosed with breast cancer, and something like that can definitely mean the end of a relationship.]
"So when the world and the odds are against us, you won't have to question.  The answer is yes.  When 2 or 3 years from now, you start having some doubts about if this love will last - the answer is yes.  I'll still think you're beautiful, cuz I'm more attracted to what's inside of you. You don't have to guess.  The answer is yes."  He says that even when there are questions and obstacles and issues, he is one of the things that she won't have to worry about, because his answer to her will always be yes.  Even down the road when things look different and it's not still the wonderful, honeymoon, giggly, exciting stuff at the beginning of a relationship, he will still be saying yes.  Even if her physical appearance changes, he will still see her beauty, because it is inside of her, and that won't change.  Because of that, she won't have to guess where he stands - the answer will still be yes.
"Cuz I love you, all I care about is your happiness, so the answer is yes.  People just don't stick around - build you up and let you down, but I'm not one of those, no.  I understand that you've been burned before.  Honesty is what you deserve (so much more), and so that's what I'm giving you, girl."  Since he loves her, his main concern is her happiness.  While others have promised one thing and done something else, he knows that she needs love and honesty and faithfulness, and love will help him to happily provide these for her. 
"Now, if you ask will I go when you need me most, the answer is no.  I'm dedicated to what we have.  But will I be here the way that I promise?  I'll say with no fear - the answer is yes."  He has decided that through it all, he is going to say.  The hard times, the obstacles (and if we're looking at the example from the video - the chemo, the hair loss, the sickness), will not push him away.  He is promising to stick by her and be faithful to the love that they have.  He can confidently proclaim that, no matter what comes, his answer to remaining by her side and loving her through it all  is yes...

Day 289 - I Believe in You and Me

In honor of Whitney Houston's passing, I've decided to blog about this song.  I listened to a lot of Whitney Houston music since I heard about her passing, but since this one had me in tears this morning, I figure it should be blogged about.
"I believe in you and me.  I believe that we will be in love eternally.  Well as far as I can see you will always be the one for me.  Oh yes, you will.  And I believe in dreams again.  I believe that love will never end.  And like the river finds the sea, I was lost, now I'm free, cuz I believe in you and me."  The singer believes ("to have confidence in the truth, the existence, or the reliability of something, although without absolute proof that one is right in doing so") in her relationship and that the love that they share will be an eternal phenomenon.  She has looked at their relationship and has weighed things in her mind, and it looks to her that they are in it for the long haul and that her current love is the one for all time.  Because of this, she believe that dreams are possible and that real love is possible (and can last - a big thing).  Just like a river find its way to the sea and be freed from the constraints of the land, so she finds herself free because she believes in the power and beauty that is the love they share.
"I will never leave your side.  I will never hurt your pride.  When all the chips are down, baby, I will always be around.  Just to be right where you are, my love. You know I love you, boy.  I will never leave you out.  I will always let you in, boy, to places no one's ever been.  Deep inside, can't you see that I believe in you and me?"  She is assuring her love that she won't ever leave, she won't ever hurt his pride or degrade him, and that she will be faithful.  She just wants to be wherever he is because of the love she has for him.  For her, he is now an intricate part of her life, and she can't leave him out of anything going on with her.  Their relationship has created trust and intimacy, so she happily opens up to him, sharing parts of herself and letting him into those most tender places within her.  And she wants him to know that even in her very core, she believes in what they share.
"Maybe I'm a fool to feel the way I do, but I will play the fool forever just to be with you forever. I believe in miracles and love's a miracle.  And yes, baby, you're my dream come true.  I was lost, now I'm free, oh baby cuz i believe, i do believe, in you and me.  See, I was lost, now I'm free, cuz I believe in you and me."  As I reflect on the theme of being a fool for someone as I blogged about in this previous entry, I am reminded that we sometimes feel like fools for loving the people that we do.  But the singer says that she is willing to be foolish forever in order to maintain what they have.  Now, part of me questions how wise this decision is, but sometimes, love - the miracle that it is - doesn't look wise.  That, of course, doesn't mean it's not exactly as it should be though.  For her, this love is a dream come true, and she believes with all of who she is that in it, she has found her freedom.

Day 288 - Vivian Uwanaka

Another beautiful person in my life - Vivian Uwanaka.  I met her in Black Voices as well during my first year at UVA.  I remember going with Tomi to visit her in Copeley.  It didn't take long for all of us to bond and she became one of my sisters.  
Of course, Viv is used to being a big sister, because she has so many younger siblings.  Because of this, Viv is a very caring, nurturing person.  She is always looking out for other people, and that is one of the traits I admire most about her.  Not only that, but she's a hard-working person.  But Viv also has a cool vibe, almost like she has music moving through her soul and emanating from her being.  It is this vibe and aura that makes her a beautiful person.
So, to Ms Uwanaka, I love you and thanks for being you.

Day 287 - Charlene Brown

As the beautiful people in my life continue to abound, I must recognize this young lady.  I met Charlene during her first year at UVA.  Although I'm not entirely sure where I first met this bundle of joy, I'm fairly certain that it was where I met most of the folks I know from UVA - the Black Voices Gospel Choir.  Either way, it didn't take long for her to become part of my life.  Over the years, I have watched her grow as something of a little sister to me, and I'm so proud of the growth that I've seen.  She has definitely evolved over the years from a shy (if you can believe it) teenager to an outspoken, vivacious young woman.
Charlene is one of those people whose energy is absolutely infectious.  If she enters a room, there will most likely be some laughter following shortly.  She has a way of captivating people with her energy and humor, then keeping their attention with her intelligence and passion.  Charlene, like me, is something of a big kid, which is why she works well with children.  And her passion for God and serving others is unmatched.  And of course, as is required for beautiful people, she has a huge heart.  She is one of the most caring people I've ever met.
To Charlene, my sister, I love you.  Thanks for being beautiful you.

Day 286 - Unconditional

While I was attempting to do homework today, I had on the tv as background noise. I was also having several text/phone/gchat conversations, and because of all that, I found myself pondering love. But not just love – unconditional love. On one of the movies I was watching, a couple had been in a relationship for a year when one caught the other cheating. Yet, by the end of the movie, they were back together and working toward change. Talking to one of my sisters, she reflected on her current relational situation and how her love remains and even grows despite the difficult time the relationship is currently experiencing. She said that her love had grown to the point that she could call it “unconditional.” As I pondered those things and the concept of unconditional love, my mind recalled being in church and being taught about the love that God has for us – also defined as unconditional. It was explained that, because God is perfect and does not live for the love and acceptance of others, God was the only one who could really love unconditionally. Because God’s very nature is love, then God can simply love without limits. While this was taught and explained, it does seem that the application of such a thing is a bit hazy (example: the folks with signs that say “God hates fags”), but I digress. Well, let’s define the word before I get into my thoughts about it. Unconditional = absolute; without condition, reservation, or restriction; unqualified. Essentially, unconditional means that it is not dependent on anything. It is what it is because it is. It is not based on any condition, qualification, circumstance, etc. When thinking about this as it relates to love, it can be easy to see why the concept of loving someone unconditionally is hard. To love someone NO MATTER WHAT just for the sake of loving them – not for their beauty, brains, money, status, or even the way they make you feel or what they do for you – is almost unfathomable. When discussing a loved one, it is often asked, “why do you love so-and-so?” When someone asks that, they want to know specific traits or deeds that merit love. They don’t want to hear that the person’s very being is sufficient to earn love. Why is that? I think part of that is due to the fact that we tend to see love as something that has to be earned – you have to be awesome and outstanding in some way in order to be worthy of love. From childhood, we are typically taught that when we do something right, we get rewarded, and this usually gets equated with being loved. Most parents don’t hug their children when they do something wrong. They may even withhold love and affection. Thus, we become programmed to think that we get love when we earn it. And most of life tends to confirm this. In school, we can be rejected as uncool or unacceptable just as easily as we can be hailed as popular, and it doesn’t tend to be based on anything that isn’t superficial. Another part of it is the fact that it takes a tremendous amount of internal strength (and divine help) to love someone simply to love them and without necessarily expecting anything in return. Ideally in a partner relationship there will be no need to be concerned about this – you will be giving love to each other, so it won’t feel like you are in love by yourself. But what if the person you love is in a difficult space or is unable to love you (or show it) for some reason? What about a loved one with Alzheimer’s (or any other mental disorder)? What about someone who is working through his/her own emotional baggage and/or past issues? Do you abandon someone you love because they are unable to love you back in a way that you might be used to or desire, especially if it is a temporary situation? Trust me, I’m not suggesting that this is a simple enterprise. Loving someone despite the situation or the pain or the rights you may feel entitled to in a relationship is ridiculously difficult. This is especially true, because people will most likely question your decision. You will get all kinds of wonderful advice about taking care of yourself and the like. I’m not saying that you shouldn’t, but sometimes in the interest of love, you have to push the boundaries of what you might find comfortable to bring healing in the life of the one you love. So can you love without condition or reservation? Can you love someone simply for who they are and because they exist?

Day 285 - Fool for You

I'm definitely a fan of this song.  And I'm blogging about it as sort of a piggy back off the last entry (Should v. Is), because sometimes the way things happen (especially in relationship) can make us feel foolsih, especially if they don't look a certain way. 
"What?! That real, that deep, that burning, that amazing, unconditional, inseparable love, that feel like forever, that always emotional but still exceptional love.  Can’t nobody tell me nothing - it is what it is.  And any mistake you make I, I just may forgive.  Right now, right now at this very moment I still love her like I loved her then.  I love her in and out and up and down and ’round and ’round and over and over again.  So rare they swear that you just don’t exist, and it’s only one person I can think of that makes me feel like this.  And I’m a fool, such a fool for you!"  The way they structured this song makes my heart smile.  It's as if the way they sang it parallels the craziness and overwhelming  joy that love can be.  It's great and unconditional and crazy and beautiful....  And for the singer, no one can dissuade him from what he feels and from loving her.  As he loved her before, he still loves her now.  I don'tt know if they've broken up or something has happened in their relationship, but it doesn't matter, because his feelings haven't changed.  And he is willing to forgive  her if ever she should mess up, because he wants to be with her.  He loves her immeasurably and in more ways than he can ever articulate.  She's so amazing that it's questionable that someone as great as her even exists outside of his mind, and he's never met anyone else who comes close.  And because of all this, he feels like he is a fool ("a silly or stupid person; a person who lacks judgment or sense" or maybe "an ardent enthusiast who cannot resist an opportunity to indulge an enthusiasm").  Now I'd prefer to think that it's more the second one, and he feels that she is a love who he cannot resist enjoying.  Yet, I think that more often than not, love can sometimes make us feel like the first kind.  The emotions that sweep over us can lead us to make less than logical decisions, forgive more than we might ordinarily, and put up with more than others might think we should.  That can make us feel foolish, especially when we look at the way we think things should be in relationship.  While I do tend to be optimistic, it's true that love can sweep over us such that we can ignore/miss red flags.  Be mindful of such, because there can be some real consequences.  Pay attention to red flags if they come.
"So sweet, so deep, so real, oooh wee - that’s some powerful stuff.  How you do it, do do do it, keep it coming - I can’t seem to get enough: what you do, what you say, makes me want to love you.  Baby, I don’t even have a choice, and if I did, it'd still be you cuz you’re the man among all the boys.  Sweet sugar, I surrender - white flag, o I wouldn’t even put up a fight, cuz there ain’t a damn thing wrong about this kind of loving, o, when it feels so right.  Gonna, gotta later tell it to my mama and she gon’ tell the world that I love you!  So people probably say I’m crazy, but I don’t mind being a fool a for you.  I’m a fool, I’m a fool, I’m such a fool for you."  I LOVE the first line of this verse.  Love truly is some powerful stuff, and when you experience real, true, deep love like that, it can be mind-blowing.  You can find yourself having an unquenchable hunger for the one you love.  And even if you had the ability to step back and decide whether or not to choose that same one, the choice would still be the same, because something makes that person stand out above the rest.  So the singer has chosen simply to surrender, giving into a fight that she knows she can't win - once you find someone who you truly connect with, it will be nigh unto impossible to break free.  Besides, you most likely won't want to.  For her, there is nothing wrong with their love because it just feels right, and even though some might say that going based on that makes you foolish, I believe that our feelings (call it gut, intuition, heart, etc) might know more than we think at times.  She is even going to tell her mother about it (a serious step), and her mom is going to shout it from the rooftops.  While there may be critics, she doesn't care - she will happily look like a fool for a love that is more real to her than anything she's ever experienced.

Day 284 - Should v. Is

I was talking to my best friend, and we were talking about the way things look in her relational situation.  Even though she knows that he is ultimately the man she is going to marry, she has trouble believing it at times, because, as she says, “it doesn’t look like I think it should.”  I almost laughed out loud.  What I have come to learn, in life and especially in relationships, is that things rarely look the way we think they SHOULD, how people tell us they SHOULD, how movies/tv say they SHOULD, etc.  I said to her, “People say what they think things should be, but God makes it what it is.”  I’ve come to realize that we limit ourselves because we are so limited in our thinking of the way things SHOULD be.  We say things like “anything is possible,” but we don’t live as if we believe that in the least.  We quote the scripture that says, “For My thoughts are not your thoughts, nor are your ways My ways, says the Lord.  For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways are higher than your ways and My thoughts than your thoughts,” but then we try to say what can and cannot be based on our experience, our understanding, our perception, etc.  But where did we get these ideas of the way things need to function in order to be “right”?  It wasn’t God, because God tells us that nothing is impossible with God.  It must be other people’s understandings, interpretations, experiences, fears, and desires that cause them to limit what they think we SHOULD expect life to look like. 
Because “should,” “ought,” and “must” are basically equivalent, when we think that things SHOULD look a certain way, we feel like things are wrong if they do not look that way.  But we have to let go of the mindset that just because something doesn’t look good or even necessarily feel good that this automatically means that God is not in it or that it is not the Divine Will for your life.  While it would be ideal if life were more smooth and predictable and easy and looked the way we desired it to, the truth of the matter is that this is simply not the case.  We never know all of what is behind the scenes and moving in the background.  So while we might want something to happen a certain way at a certain time, we have no idea what is being prevented or caused by the way things are actually working. 
For example, my friend desires that she and her friend be happily together right now, hand-in-hand, skipping through the tulips in a beautiful romantic relationship.  Yet, for various reasons, that is not currently the case.  But what I can see is that she is growing in trust for God and what God is saying to her.  And I believe that her friend is being grown and prepared in a similar fashion.  If they were together at this current moment, things might not work out as beautifully as they are supposed.  After all, timing is everything.  If they get together in a time when they both still have tremendous growing to do, they may do more harm than good to one another in the process or prolong the process of getting to the place of relationship that they are destined to achieve. 
So just because something doesn’t look the way people (or even you) think it SHOULD doesn’t mean it’s not exactly what is supposed to be.  And just because something does look like you think it SHOULD doesn’t mean it’s what you need.  Follow your heart and your discernment, and where you find a sense of peace (despite what things might appear to be), that is where you will find where you were meant to be.  Don’t let other people’s perceptions or your own fears keep you from your destiny.  Be wise, but be brave too.

Day 283 - Love on Top (Me, Myself, and I Edition)

So I was having a conversation the other day with a friend (praise God for my multiplicity of friends and acquaitances with vast stores of wisdom for me to draw upon and learn from), and we were talking about loving yourself first, especially when life is changing and you find yourself in interesting emotional/spiritual/mental space.  He was essentially saying that so often we get caught up, especially when we're in relationships, with doing for the other person and taking care of them, and in the process, we have the ability to lose ourselvses.  Theoretically, I understood what he meant, but I was still trying to wrap my brain around it in a real sense.

Well, I was driving back home after dropping my mom at work, and as I flipped through the radio stations, I stopped on "Love on Top."  As I was listening (well, jamming) to the song, my conversation with my friend came back to mind.  It was then that I had a realization and made the connection as to what he meant - sometimes the love that needs to be on top is that of me for myself.  This is especially true for me, because I recognize that I have a tendency in any relationship I'm in to give and pour out much.  This isn't a bad thing, but it hasn't always left much room for me being able (or even at times willing) to receive for my own needs.  Some people have happily taken advantage of this and taken all I gave without giving much in return.

But as I listened with fresh ears to "Love on Top," I enjoyed looking in the rearview mirror, singing to myself that I'm the one I love and that I'm the one I need, that I should be the one who gives myself my all and that I can count on myself to take care of me.  This is not to say that I'm going to stop caring for others in relationship.  I don't even think I have that capacity.  But what I have come to realize is that there are times when I've got to be ahead of the others in my heart.  Cuz at the end of the day, if they all leave, I will still have me. 

For example, if I know I'm tired and have nothing to give, then I have to love myself enough to take some space.  Now, out of consideration, I like to let people who call/text me regularly that I'm taking said space so they don't worry when I don't respond, but that also means being disciplined enough not to respond.  Because my tendency was to answer anyway and try to give when I didn't have it so that I didn't hurt someone's feelings by not being there for them.  But now I see that I have to be able to be there for myself in the same that I faithfully try to be there for others.  That's not selfish - that's self-care.

There's a song that has a line that says, "I love you more than I love myself."  While there are times when that may be the manifestation of the love I have for the folks in my life, overall, that can't be the pattern to the point that it hurts me.  So as Beyonce said, "Cuz i realized I got me, myself, and I.  That's all i got in the end - that's what i found out.  And it ain't no need to cry.  I took a vow that from now on I'm gonna be my own best friend."  While I will always be a loving, caring, giving person, I will now be more intentional about directing some of my good loving at myself.  :)  And I encourage you to do the same.  I'm not saying to be selfish or disregard the feelings of others, because other people deserve the love and respect that you want/need for yourself.  But what I am saying is that you shouldn't allow your love for someone else to destroy you or your life.

Day 282 - All My Life

This is one of my all-time favorite songs.  It's one of those songs that you play at a wedding or something like that.  I think it speaks to the sense that a lot of people feel - they go through life and relationships and obstacles, but once you find that one, you see what it was all for and you find relief in feeling that your wait is over and all the stuff was worth it.
"I will never find another lover sweeter than you, sweeter than you.  And I will never find another lover more precious than you, more precious than you.  Girl you are close to me, you're like my mother, close to me you're like my father, close to me, you're like my sister, close to me, you're like my brother.  You are the only one, you're my everything, and for you this song I sing."  The singer of this song has found a wonderful girl to love, and he has never known anyone who could compare to her.  The relationship that they have is so close that he feels like she is like family, comparing their connection to that of the traditional nuclear family.  He has named her as the exclusive recipient of his love, even going so far as to say that she is his everything, wanting her to know that she is the one that this song is for.  To make someone your everything is to make quite an investment in how you feel about them, because it's as if you are staking your heart and happiness on them.  You have put them in a place of prominence in your life, making them among the most important things desired and even necessary.
"All my life I've prayed for someone like you, and I thank God that I, that I finally found you.  All my life I've prayed for someone like you, and I hope that you feel the same way too.  Yes, I pray that you do love me too."  Because he recognizes the beauty and depth of the love shared, he acknowledges that she is the one that he has been praying for.  We all desire to find someone who will love us and make us feel loved, and even if we never vocalize it to God, it has probably been our heart's prayer, especially in moments when our hearts have been handed back to us by people who weren't meant to hold them forever.  Yet, for him, he has found that person and he is asking God to make sure that she returns his affections.  There are few things worse than loving someone deeply and them not sharing your feelings.  So it's understandable that he desires the deep love he has to be mutually felt and understood.
"(I said you're all that I'm thinking of, baby.)  Said, I promise to never fall in love with a stranger.  You're all I'm thinking of, I praise the Lord above, for sending me your love.  I cherish every hug, I really love you."  His love is always on his mind - she has become an irreplacable part of his life.  He's vow to not fall in love with anyone else, knowing that hers is the love for him and even going so far as to praise God for it.  He cherishes every bit and piece of their love as he really, truly loves her. 
"You're all that I ever known.  When you smile, on my face, all I see is a glow.  You turned my life around, you picked me up when I was down.  You're all that I ever known, when you smile my face glows. You picked me up when I was down.  You're all that I ever known, when you smile my face glows.  You picked me up when I was down, and I hope that you feel the same way too.
Yes I pray that you do love me too."  He has come to a place where it's almost as if she is the entirety of his being.  She has changed things in his life, and when she smiles, he glows.  He is in deep because of the love she's given and all that she's done for him, and he greatly desires that it is all mutual.

Day 281 - Tomi Oredein

Beautiful people abound in my life, and another one of them is Tomi Oredein.  I met her during my first year at UVA.  She quickly became one of my best friends, and we were pretty much inseparable all 4 years, together in Black Voices, Impact, Tree House, and everywhere else.  One of my earliest memories is playing basketball with her at Slaughter Gym. 
Tomi is an intelligent, curious woman whose inquisitive nature has led to both scholarly pursuits (you better work on your doctorate!) and an open-mindedness that will give her the perfect blend of scholar and minister that this new generation in the church needs.  This combination also gives her a beauty that emenates understanding, patience, and compassion.  There have been many days where we've had great, enlightening conversations as we picked each other's brains and weren't afraid to talk through disagreements.  It's easy to disagree with someone, but she knows how to disagree agreeably and ask questions to gain understanding.  She is a sponge for knowledge, and that allows to be open to people who are different than her.
She also has one of the biggest hearts.  She is always trying to do things for people, lovingly assessing (because of her inquisitive, observant nature) and meeting needs.  She's also incredibly humble, ever pointing all her accomplishments and greatness back to God.  This is because she has a pure, child-like connectedness that fits perfectly with her curiosity to give her a seeker's heart.  When the Bible says that unless you become like a child, you can't enter the Kingdom of Heaven, I think Tomi is one of those people who has embodied that - kind, inquisitive, open, loving.
Tomi, I love you.  Thanks for being beautiful you.

Day 280 - Lions, Tigers, and Bears

Pandora has a way of reminding me of songs that I haven't heard in a minute and used to blast all the time.  This song is no exception.  While I extol the virtues and beauties of love, the reality is that it can be a terrifying thing, and this song captures that.
"I'm not scared of lions and tigers and bears, but I'm scared of loving you.  I'm not scared to perform at a sold-out affair, but I'm scared of loving you.  Am I the only one who thinks it's an impossible task?  Why it don't last - is that too much to ask? Why do we love Love, when Love seems to hate us?"  The singer of this song is a braver woman than I, because I admittedly get nervous around the large animals that she's mentioned.  But I think she's saying that as much as she wouldn't walk up to a lion in the jungle for fear of potentially losing her life because of the power of this animal, she is even more afraid of loving the one in her life.  While stage fright is one of the most common of human fears, she is unconcerned with this when it compares to loving this person.  But she feels that she can't be the only person who feels this way - afraid of the possibilities of love and whether it will last.  She wonders why we seem to chase Love, desiring to have it in our lives when it seems that Love brings us nothing but hurt and disappointment.
"Sorry if I sound so filled with gloom.  You say you care and I know you do.  But this is from my experience and my conclusion only makes sense.  Just cuz I love you and you love me, it doesn't mean that we're meant to be.  I can climb mountains, swim cross the seas, but the most frightening thing is you and me."  She acknowledges her pessimism in the matter of love, even in the face of one confessing love for her.  She trusts that there is love, but her experience tells her that such is just not likely to lead to a beautiful conclusion as she'd desire.  She takes it a step further, saying that even though the love is on both sides, it does not mean that they are meant to be together forever.  As troubling a statement as this is, it is true.  Most people have at least one relationship before they find "the one," so it's true that not all relationships are meant to be the one for the rest of your life.  Take a second and think back to your first romantic partner - how would your life be different if you were still with that person?  So her fear finds some grounding, which is why she says she can conquer most anything on earth, but the thought of giving herself in love is the most terrifying thing she can imagine.
"Most circumstances I know my fate, but in this love thing I don't get the game.  Why does it feel like those who give in, they only wind up losing a friend?  Just cause I love you and you love me, it doesn't mean that we'll ever be.  Fly cross the ocean, sing for the Queen, but the most frightening thing is you and me."  Unfortunately there are no guarantees in love.  This can be difficult for anyone who extends their heart in the vulnerable space of love, but it can especially hard for people who like to plan ahead or control everything.  While much of life can be controlled in some way, love doesn't typically have that same assurance.  And the singer wonders if it is worth the risk, because she feels like it often leads to loss of relationship more than it leads to the strengthening thereof.  Once again, despite the mututal love, she says that this doesn't necessarily mean that they will ever be together.  She can sing for one of the most powerful people in the world on a very public stage, but she is still more afraid of walking in a relationship of love. 
"I'm not sure no, I'm not sure, but if we never try we'll never know.  It's better to have loved than not to love at all.  Not trying is worst than to stumble and fall.  And if we do, I'd rather it be with you, cuz at least there will be sweet memories."  With all the fear and uncertainty, she has gone with an old saying - "it's better to have love and lost than never to have loved at all."  She has decided that she would rather have the joy and beauty and the experience of love than to hide avoiding the pain but also avoiding the growth and greatness that come along with it.  So, she will take a step of faith and try this love thing.  Because of the person that she is encountering love with, it seems worth the risk.  And even if things don't have a "happily ever after," she knows that the time and love that they share will be such a blessing to her life that it will make the risk worth it.