So I was listening to "Change," a song I blogged about in an earlier entry, and I was struck once again by the chorus:
"If I could change the
world, I would be the sunlight in your universe. You would think my
love was really something good, baby, if I could change, if I could
change the world." I thought about the power of that type of love that can motivate you to want to change the world. We can look at the pain and the injustice in the world and desire to make a change for the ones we love in order to try to protect them....
But then the next song that came on (gotta love the iTunes Shuffle feature) was "The Reason," another song that I've previously blogged about. The chorus to this song says, “I found a reason for me to change who I used to be, a reason to start over new and the reason is you.” The other variation of the chorus at the end of the song says, “I found a reason to show a side of me you didn’t know, a reason for all that I do, and the reason is you." Hearing these two songs back to back got me thinking. It's one thing for me to love someone enough that I want to change the world.... It's something entirely different to love someone enough to want to change myself. I know people who work hard everyday to fight the inequality and injustice that plagues our society but who won't spend 15 minutes dealing with their own personal demons. The problem with this kind of living is that you can do great things and make change for others, but at the end of the day, you still have to live with you. This is part of why many famous people have addictions and issues - they do great things on the public front but they are unable to deal with their personal things. Part of that is the fact that there is a tremendous amount of pressure on them socially because of society's celebrity worship, but I digress.
The reality is that facing your own stuff is hard. When I have to face my past, my childhood scars, my imperfections, my insecurities, my pain, and all that is not so awesome within me, it makes me want to run or hide. This is why it's easy for things like alcohol, drugs, sex, and other addictions to become part of our lives - we want something that will ease/hide the pain. I will be the first to admit that I have had occasions where I've enjoyed a drink or two more than I should have because I didn't want to deal with an emotional pain that I was feeling. Of course, it only helped for a moment, because once the buzz was gone and I woke up, the issue and the hurt were still there (and there were times when I've done stupid things while in my buzzed space that made things worse).
So if I love you enough to have the courage to face my own stuff, then I think that speaks volumes. I might love someone enough to stand up for a cause, risking death or something like that, but it's another thing to do the work of opening up myself and laying myself on the operating table. I recognize that I'm not perfect, but that doesn't always mean that I want to face or do anything about my imperfections. Yet, if my issues are hurting someone I love, then you best believe I will find a way to change them. I can't allow my issues and insecurities to hurt someone I love and say "that's just the way I am," because that's simply not true. Some things we do are part of a coping mechanism from previous pain, and it causes us to do things that hurt those closest to us. That's why it's important to take time with your own stuff (whether you are single or in a relationship) and make the necessary changes to do better - for yourself and for those you love.
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