So I was having a conversation the other day with a friend (praise God for my multiplicity of friends and acquaitances with vast stores of wisdom for me to draw upon and learn from), and we were talking about loving yourself first, especially when life is changing and you find yourself in interesting emotional/spiritual/mental space. He was essentially saying that so often we get caught up, especially when we're in relationships, with doing for the other person and taking care of them, and in the process, we have the ability to lose ourselvses. Theoretically, I understood what he meant, but I was still trying to wrap my brain around it in a real sense.
Well, I was driving back home after dropping my mom at work, and as I flipped through the radio stations, I stopped on "Love on Top." As I was listening (well, jamming) to the song, my conversation with my friend came back to mind. It was then that I had a realization and made the connection as to what he meant - sometimes the love that needs to be on top is that of me for myself. This is especially true for me, because I recognize that I have a tendency in any relationship I'm in to give and pour out much. This isn't a bad thing, but it hasn't always left much room for me being able (or even at times willing) to receive for my own needs. Some people have happily taken advantage of this and taken all I gave without giving much in return.
But as I listened with fresh ears to "Love on Top," I enjoyed looking in the rearview mirror, singing to myself that I'm the one I love and that I'm the one I need, that I should be the one who gives myself my all and that I can count on myself to take care of me. This is not to say that I'm going to stop caring for others in relationship. I don't even think I have that capacity. But what I have come to realize is that there are times when I've got to be ahead of the others in my heart. Cuz at the end of the day, if they all leave, I will still have me.
For example, if I know I'm tired and have nothing to give, then I have to love myself enough to take some space. Now, out of consideration, I like to let people who call/text me regularly that I'm taking said space so they don't worry when I don't respond, but that also means being disciplined enough not to respond. Because my tendency was to answer anyway and try to give when I didn't have it so that I didn't hurt someone's feelings by not being there for them. But now I see that I have to be able to be there for myself in the same that I faithfully try to be there for others. That's not selfish - that's self-care.
There's a song that has a line that says, "I love you more than I love myself." While there are times when that may be the manifestation of the love I have for the folks in my life, overall, that can't be the pattern to the point that it hurts me. So as Beyonce said, "Cuz i realized I got me, myself, and I. That's all i got in the end - that's what i found out. And it ain't no need to cry. I took a vow that from now on I'm gonna be my own best friend." While I will always be a loving, caring, giving person, I will now be more intentional about directing some of my good loving at myself. :) And I encourage you to do the same. I'm not saying to be selfish or disregard the feelings of others, because other people deserve the love and respect that you want/need for yourself. But what I am saying is that you shouldn't allow your love for someone else to destroy you or your life.
No comments:
Post a Comment