Day 192 - You're the One

I remember that I used to groove to this song back in the day.  Thankfully with age has come wisdom and an understanding of what is really being said. 

“(You’re the one) you’re the one for me.  (When in need) you can call on me.  (When in love) is all I want us to be.  (Cuz you’re the one) you’re the one for me.”  From the chorus, it sounds like a happy love song.  The singer has found someone who she feels is the one for her.  She wants to share love with this person, and she makes herself available to provide care and love in times of need.  Good stuff. 

“I know that you’re somebody else’s guy, but these feelings that I have for you, I can’t deny.  She doesn’t treat you the way you want her to, so come on, stop fronting.  I wanna get with you.  What your girl don’t know won’t hurt her.  Anything to make this love go further.”  From the first line of this first verse, we run into a hiccup.  Apparently, this is not her boyfriend, but this is a guy who she sees as possibility for her despite the fact that he is already involved with someone.  Now, I will admit that I’ve had feelings a time or two for a friend who was already in a relationship, but I never went beyond the first line of this verse.  Out of respect for the authenticity of the relationship, I admitted the feelings to my friend, but that was it.  If the girlfriend in the relationship isn’t treating him as he desires, that’s for him to decide and correct.  Outside influence is the fastest way to ruin a relationship.  And the fact that she is conspiring with the man to deceive his girlfriend makes things worse.  The line “anything to make this love go further” leads me to believe that there is already an established infidelity going on, or at the very least, they’ve made a connection and she wishes to further it.

“This can be an undercover romance, cuz I’m the type of girl you could give a change.  Taste and see how good it can be, cuz you don’t have to worry.”  She is willing to be the secret girlfriend, because she is that desperate to get to him.  Instead of being his friend and encouraging him to either work things out with his girlfriend or make a clean break, she is willing to be the #2 and persuade him reason to leave that way.  For this man, she is willing to disrespect his relationship, his girlfriend, and herself, because she wants him so badly.  This is not love, because love is always respectful, desiring the best for all parties involved.  Besides, if he is really the one, then things will work out in a way that doesn’t involve lying and cheating and “undercover romance.”

“So what’s my chance?  I’m willing to do anything to get in your pants.  You don’t have to worry, I won’t say a thing, and if she finds out, I don’t know nothing, o no.”  And now it’s clear why she is after him – it appears to be a sexual thing.  She is willing to have a sexual relationship with this man, and she’s even willing to play dumb if his girlfriend should get wind of it.  She doesn’t seem to have intentions for a real relationship after all, since there’s no real press for him to leave the girl.  She just wants so badly to be part of his life that she will take what she can get.

I need for her (and anyone else thinking in a similar way) to have respect enough for herself to want and hold out for a whole relationship.  If he is the one for her, then she should be respectful enough to wait until his relationship is over (and he has time to heal afterward).  Despite this song, she deserves someone who will love her and be able to devote themselves completely to her.  Everyone deserves that.  You’re not a half a person, so you shouldn’t just be in relationship with half a person.  We cannot be so desperate to escape our singleness/loneliness that we settle for whatever a person has left.  And he need not engage her in a relationship until he has separated from his girlfriend.  I’ve known people who were miserable for a long time in their relationship, and were even basically single in their minds (and acting like it), but they refused/were afraid to make the break.  This is unfair to the person you’re in relationship with.  if you feel that it’s over, end it.  Don’t hold on until you’re sure you have something better.  Do it for yourself (to relieve yourself of the stress) and your partner (out of respect).