Day 195 - One of My Concerns

“I get worried for young girls sometimes; I want them to fell that they can be sassy and full and weird and geeky and smart and independent, and not so withered and shriveled.”  - Amy Poehler

When I read this quotation, it instantly struck a chord in me.  I have seen many people (women and men) who have been so suppressed by life that they are essentially a shell of a human being.  I think for females it can be even more of a problem.  For all of the advancements that women have made in recent decades, some of the mentalities as it relates to women and what they can/should do.  This causes people to put barriers and restrictions on females as to what is “proper.” 

I can see the concern, because as a girl, I was encouraged to be lady-like, quiet, proper, and well-behaved.  And the media promoted “good girls” who are pure and gentle and in need of a big, strong man.  This could be seen strongly in fairy tales and Disney movies in which princesses – the ideal women – would find themselves as damsels in distress and then rescued by prince charming – the ideal man.  Many women are still waiting for a prince charming to rescue them, whether it’s from their singleness, their insecurity, the bug in the shower, or whatever they feel they need.  When you are raised to believe that the best, strongest part of your lies in someone else who you are waiting for to come rescue you, then it’s easy to become shriveled as you attempt to fit into a box or a mold.

While standards are thankfully changing, there is still tremendous pressure on young people to do and be a certain way, which is why the numbers for teen drinking, drug abuse, sexual irresponsibility, and suicide are what they are.  All any teen (and truth be told, many adults) wants to do is fit in, and that often requires doing things to fit into someone else’s box.  But I say that we should all be free to be weird or different or strong or artistic or anything else we want to be.  I have found that when people are affirmed in who they are, they are much happier and much better able to do what they need to do.  And when that’s the case, they are less likely to do things to harm themselves and others. 

This means that parents have to affirm their kids as individuals.  This means that we have to learn to affirm ourselves as individuals.  This means that we have to have more grace with one another and learn to affirm them for who they are (not who we want them to be) or move out of their lives.  If you can’t affirm someone for who they are, reconsider being in relationship with them, because this will continually cause problems.  Even if they change for you (unless it’s a positive, healthy change), chances are they will resent you and themselves.  So allow yourself to be yourself, and allow others the same freedom.