Wednesday, August 3, 2011

Day 205 - Papers




“I can’t get to work on time, can’t believe the words to her I just said.  But who the hell argue and fight like dogs at 6 in the morning?  I know it’s gonna be some more s**t tonight.  Our pastor’s calling, telling me I done went too far, and I’m seen around town.  And my friends can’t recognize me, cuz I took a chance on love.  It’s like I’m dying.”  This verse is crazy to me, because it shows how deeply this relationship is affecting his entire life.  It seems that he’s becoming a different person (he’s saying things that he normally wouldn’t), it’s affecting his job, it’s affecting his relationships, and life just seems not to working because of this situation.  He feels like he’s dying, and that is never a good sign in any relationship. 
“For you I gave my heart and turned my back against the world, cause you were my girl, girl, girl.  I done damn near lost my mama.  I done been through so much drama.  I done turned into the man that I never thought I’d be.  I’m ready to sign them papers, papers, papers.  I done took all I can take, but you leave me no options, girl.  I can’t deny how much I love you.  I done gave up everything I had to.  As hard as it is, I’m afraid I gotta say, I’m ready to sign them papers, papers, papers.”  The chorus shows us a man at the end of his rope.  He gave and he invested, but it is costing him too much – his relationship with his mother, his sense of peace, and even himself.  He tried, and he still loves her, but he’s gotten to the point when that he can’t do it anymore.  He’s ready sign the divorce papers and end the relationship. 
“I’m losing my mind, can’t figure out who’s wrong or right.  I know it’s you I love, but then also I know it’s you I don’t like.  You claim you hate who I was, but that’s the reason you here now.  You think I don’t know what’s up, but sweetheart that’s what’s ruined us.  I ain’t afraid to say I got needs, but the only time you here for me is when the bottles popping and everything is sweet.  But I’m tired of sleeping in the other room, spending them long night trying to figure out what in the hell in my heart I ain’t do right.”  This relationship has got him going crazy.  He feels love for her, but he doesn’t like parts of her.  And apparently, she is only there for the money and for the warm and fuzzy.  Now he’s sleeping in a separate room and trying to piece together what happened in their relationship and why things have gone wrong. 
“I can’t keep living this life, I said I’m leaving for the last time – I’m ready, ready, ready.”  Now, the reason I chose to write about this song was because it takes a level of strength to leave a relationship in which you are deeply invested.  When have taken the time to build something with someone, when you grow in relationship with someone, when you share intimate space, when you have grown accustomed to having that person in your life, it’s hard to let go.  People aren’t good at change, and so to change such a close part of yourself and your life takes effort and a sense of self-worth that lets you know that you deserve better.  Even if the person is a good person, they may not be the best person for you.  Though it might take time and strength to break from something, even when it’s a bad situation (why do you think people stay in abusive relationships), if you find yourself in a relationship that is doing more harm than good, leave.  Know that you are worth it and know that a loving relationship should not just be something afforded to a few lucky people.  If need be, sign the papers. 

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