Day 213 - Mirrors Part 1

There are some observations that I made the other day in thinking about relationships and I want to take a second to examine them.

It’s been said that you should watch the company you keep and that those who you surround yourself with speak to who you are.  While I’ve always heard such things, I’m not sure I always believed it.  But if you think about it, it’s true.  People tend to flock to others based on the similarities between them, because there is common ground upon which they can share.  As humans, we have a tendency to categorize people and interact with people based on the category in which we put them.  We know that conflict is inevitable in human relationships, so in order to minimize it, we tend to start with people who appear to offer the least amount of conflict.  Even in places where the people all appear to be fairly similar, there can be further divisions.  For instance, even at the black seminary that I attended where we were pretty much all black and Christian and preachers (to one degree or another), we divided along lines of age, theology (conservative or liberal), gender, work ethic, etc. 

I’m not saying that this is a bad thing.  It is where things like prejudice and stereotypes can come from, but that’s only if we never take time to examine our categories.  But it can be a helpful tool as well, because it can show us how we see ourselves based on the people who are closest to us.  Based on those closest to me, if they are a true reflection of how I see myself, I am a strong, intelligent, loving, black, Christian woman with a great inclination toward the spiritual and a serious love for fun.  While there are variations among us that make some of those categories mean different things, I’d say that my friends accurately reflect how I see myself, and I’m happy with that picture.  When was the last time you examined those closest to you and assessed whether they reflect who you are or who you’d like to be?  The beauty of my closest friends is that they don’t just reflect where I am.  Because I have a tendency to be close to older people, they can reflect where I’d like to be as well.  I told one of my friends that she is what I want to be when I grow up, because she embodies the things I’d like to be and do.  With her being in my life, I can have a clear picture of where I’d like to be so I know that it’s possible and someone to help me get there.

And of course, the best relationships will always help us to grow and change.  Even the bad ones can do that (we just have to watch how we change as a result), but it’s important to understand that we most likely allow most people to be in our inner circle because we see a bit of ourselves in them, and we feel comfortable relating with someone who resonates with us in some way.