In the last entry, I thought about how relationships reflect who we are and how see ourselves. But in that entry, I focused on relationships that we have had for a while and those that we are most likely comfortable in. Well, my brain kept going after I finished writing, so a second entry was necessary.
It is true that our established relationships reflect how we see ourselves, but about the newer ones? Do they reflect how we see ourselves, or is there something about new acquaintances that gives us a chance to see ourselves a different way and become a different person? I ended the last entry by saying that the best relationships will help us grow and change, and I believe this. But I think that, there are times in our relationships that we settle a bit. People accept quirks and issues as just part of a person’s DNA and personality, so there’s no real push to change.
The beauty of a new relationship, at least for an introspective person like me, is that it makes me assess where I am and how I relate to the new person. While my established friends may know that I think all the time and have come to accept that, someone new who comes into my life may be taken aback by the fact that I “analyze everything” and “think too much.” Now, at this point of assessment, I have two choices – ignore the person’s comment, saying that this trait is just me, or evaluate their perspective (esp. in light of what I perceive about that person) and see if there is truth to their statement.
I’m fully aware of the fact that I am a very internal person, and much of my life and reality takes place in the intellectual and cognitive portions of myself. I’ve known this for about as long as I’ve been aware of such places in myself, but the beauty of being older and having experience and enlightenment is that I can better understand why I think as I do. While I will always be an intellectual person (I’ve come to accept that as part of my core make-up), I have learned that part of my analytical tendencies is a coping mechanism. As a young person, I learned to use my brain instead of my heart, because my heart had too often been hurt and discredited. I learned to pick apart a situation, a word, an event, a gesture, etc, hoping to figure out a person’s feelings and intentions so that I could respond accordingly and avoid pain/rejection when possible. This tendency continued into my young adulthood, and I am now learning to analyze less, letting myself out of the prison of fearful observation and anticipation.
So, in interacting with new people, I have been able to see the underlying current of what I thought was a natural tendency of mine. Am I naturally somewhat reserved and observant? To some degree, yes. But I have begun to see that not all of that is my authentic self as it is self-preservation. Interacting with new people also gives me a chance to push myself to act within the framework of what I’ve learned. I can begin a new relationship on the right foot without having the baggage of prior patterns.
So, if established relationships are mirrors of how you see yourself, new relationships can be a mirror of how the broader world sees you. This can be a good thing, because it can allow you to see things that comfortable relationships may overlook, because they are used to you. It can also confirm things that you already know, reaffirming your sense of self. So, I encourage broadening your social circle every so often. This can be especially helpful when you encounter people who are different than your other friends. They can bring a perspective that similar-minded people don’t have and teach you something new about yourself.
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