Every so often in dealing with this blog, I have re-examined my own definition of love based on what I’ve written and learned along this journey. It’s been a minute since I blogged, and I think part of that isn’t lack of inspiration but lack of articulation. There has been a lot going on in my own life and in the lives of those around me, and it’s got me pondering and expressing this very sensitive L word in new ways. I hardly know where to begin, but in an effort to get my literary life back together, here I go.
· Love often begins sooner than you think. I was listening to a song the other day (one I may blog about in the near future), and it made me realize that love isn’t one of those things in life that follows our schedule. It has no regard for what else we have going on in life and what we think we should be doing. In fact, it seems to tend to show up at the most inconvenient times. But I’ve realized about love’s timing is that it tends to be fairly perfect. If we waited until we were “ready,” it would probably never happen. The question is always how we handle what we are experiencing.
· When you are open to love, you find it. Love is much more abundant than we think, but we often confine it to the romantic notions of a relationship between a man and a woman. Love is so much greater than that, and if we allow our minds and hearts to grasp love beyond this model, our lives will be much more fulfilled. The greatest love I have ever had in my life (aside from Love Herself) has been that of my Sisters. Granted, I have had some romantic relationships that have done some healing and helping in my life, but my Sisters have shown me love that continues to blow my mind. I have experienced levels of intimacy and sharing that I only expected to have in a romantic relationship, but I feel that it was Divinely inspired in order to help me grow and to help me love in a more complete way. There’s a toothpaste commercial that ends with “life opens us when you do.” I believe that this is true in the most basic form. If you have your eyes open to love, you will see it in more places than you think. But if you maintain the same definitions and expectations for love and its packages, you will probably miss out on the greatest blessings and possibilities of your life.
· Love and relationships are hard work. I have come to realize in the past couple of years (and esp. in the last year) that relationships are not as simple as sharing space and talking a little bit or going to the mall together. A real, deep relationship – friendship, romantic partnership, sisterhood, brotherhood, etc – requires honest and constant communication, a willingness to grow as well as to push the other person to grow, self-awareness, awareness of/sensitivity to the other, time, commitment, care, and a level of sharing in the lives and vulnerable spaces of each other that requires more than the average person may not be willing or even able to give. These types of relationships require a certain amount of mental and emotional health in order for them to be mutual. They require push and pull, give and take, and effort, especially in the moments when you’d rather not be bothered. And if you have any insecurities or emotional baggage, prepare for a good relationship to challenge and make you face it. The only way to learn trust is to be in a situation where you have to exercise trust in the face of something that would normally make you shrink back and run away to protect your heart.
There’s more, but I’ll stop there for the sake of brevity. We’ll see what the future and my relationships continue to teach me.
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