Day 355 - I Refuse

As the sound of thunder and horses running fills my room, I am inspired by a quotation from my email today: “no one can create negativity or stress within you. Only you can do that by virtue of how you process your world.” This little gem by Wayne Dyer goes along with some things I had been thinking as it relates to certain spaces in my life, and listening to “I Refuse” by the late Aaliyah just seems to ice the cake. Though this entry isn’t specifically about that song, it will touch on it a bit. What I appreciate about what Mr Dyer had to say is that it puts the responsibility of my attitude and emotional space on me. While it is true that other people can affect it by their actions, they aren’t the final say in how I feel. Being someone who tends to be very much affected by the emotions and actions of the people close to my heart, this was good news. I was aware, but it is always good to have a reminder. As I was explaining to someone the other day, peace is not the absence of conflict, but the presence of God, especially in the midst of something that should be stressing you. It’s just about where you choose to put your focus. The chorus to Aaliyah’s song goes right along with this. “I refuse to have one more sleepless night, I refuse to let a tear flow out my eye, I refuse to continue to try. Felt like I would die if I could break down and cry. I refuse to let you walk back through that door, I refuse to let you hurt me anymore, I refuse to continue to ignore the fact I fell to the floor the day you walked out my door. No way, I can’t take it, baby…. And I refuse to take it anymore.” Sure, she could continue to dwell on the relationship that hurt her or the negatives, but she has chosen not to do that. She is refusing to let the actions of another continue to plague her heart and soul. Now, this doesn’t mean that she didn’t feel the pain of what happened, because she did. She didn’t suppress her feelings or pretend that they weren’t there. She experienced them and even grieved. But now, since it’s clear that her best interests aren’t in the mind of her love, she is taking matters into her own hands, and she is deciding to shape her own emotional space. She will no longer allow the actions of another to hurt her. Yes, there was love attached, but the time has come for her to love herself more and make emotional decisions that will be to her benefit. Instead of continuing to allow the messages of pain and rejection to stay on repeat in her mind, she is changing the tune to one of strength and self-empowerment as she looks forward and not backward. So are there spaces in your life where people are treating you less than ideal? What can be done? For spaces, the other person has already moved on, and yours is simply to forgive and let it go so you can move on. For others, it is a relationship that remains and one that requires a conversation so that things can change in a positive way. And for others, it’s about making what one of my sisters calls “adjustments.” This is where, based on the level of relationship, you don’t feel the need for a conversation. You simply make internal changes in your attitude, energy, and relation with that person. The other person may not even notice, but you know within yourself that there are now certain boundaries that you will practice as a means of protecting yourself. Whatever the case may be, your emotional health is what’s most important, so take care of your heart. It’s difficult to share your heart with someone when it’s broken or hurting…