Day 358 - Love without Expecting

A friend of mine recently posted a facebook status that said to love without expecting. I have to admit that I definitely try to make that the way that I love. The true nature of love ought to be unconditional – given without price tag, call back, or condition. Love ought to be given simply for the joy of giving it. It shouldn’t be given to get more love or anything else from anyone. Unfortunately, giving so much tends to be hard. We’ve been taught for the most part that relationships are about getting our needs met. We even look at relationships as semi contractual interactions where we do things and want things, typically similar things to what were given, in return. If someone is not “pulling their weight” in a relationship, it’s time to cut
them off and keep it moving.
Now, in a general sense, I agree that there should be reciprocity in relationships… depending on the relationship. But I’ve come to a few important conclusions about relationships that I think can help us when our expectations are causing us undo stress:

• Not all reciprocation is the same – there are some people who will give back to you in ways that look nothing like the way you gave to them. That doesn’t mean that they aren’t reciprocating. They are just giving differently. For example, if I was friends with a millionaire, and my friend bought me a car, clearly I would be very unable to reciprocate in that same way. But I might give back to my friend by babysitting or helping my friend through a crisis. The point is to share love in ways that will benefit the other person as you are able and willing.
• Relationships will never be 100% mutual all the time.  There will be moments when you are giving more because that's what the person needs.  And there will be moments when you are unable to give and the other person takes up the slack, caring for you.  The point is give and take.  As long as there is giving and taking, caring one for another, and walking together in love, there will always be a balance of sorts.
• There are some relationships that aren't supposed to be mutual. There are some people who are in your life simply to receive, and there are some people who are in your life just to give to you.  The key is recognizing which are which.  When you expect to receive from someone who is only really there is to receive from you, you will be frustrated.  In life, our relationships and our needs tend to balance out.  You just have to recognize your sources and be sure that you receive what you need to from where you to in order to be full and happy, able to give to others.

Either way, the point of love, no matter what type of relationship you are in, is to give it away.  When you love in order to get something back, you will never find fulfillment.  But when you are able to love just to love, you are releasing yourself from the need to control others and live your own emotional freedom.  Then you be able to receive just as freely as you give, and love will be love instead of obligation or a way of keeping score.