So, I got a new phone.... Normally, this wouldn't be anything blog-worthy, but the way it happened is something that taught me a lesson that I apparently still need to learn. Now, I'm a giver by nature. It's just what I do. Whenever it is possible and I see a need, I do what I can to take care of it, especially for those who are close to me. And this isn't a bad trait to have. I think it's important to be able and willing to give. After all, we are all so blessed, why not share? But that's not my point of all this. Because I've become so used to being a giver, there are times when I forget that there is indeed another side to this whole thing, and that's where this entry comes in.
Essentially, my phone, which had been acting up for a minute, decided to give up the ghost yesterday. The only way it would work was if it was on the charger. And I had to hold it at a certain angle to get it to charge.... Too much work.... So I talked to my dad, since I was on his plan, and he said he'd talked to the phone people - $120 insurance deductible, and I would get a phone in 3 days.... Both of these were undesirable options. For me, $120 was a lot to pay just to have mine repaired. Of course, $120 also doesn't sit well at all with my current budget either, so that was another concern. Even if I was willing to wait the 3 days, I didn't really have $120 to give anyone. And if I wanted a new phone that day, since I was outside the warranty on my old phone (by about a week), I would have to pay full retail price. For a smartphone, those things tend to start in the low $200s.
Well, to make a long story short, I was telling one of my friends about the situation, and she said, you can't be without a phone. Tell me how much you need and consider it done. I know I looked at the phone like she was typing in Chinese. As we just discussed, smartphones tend to start at over $200, so whether I was going to stay on my dad's plan or even get my own, I was looking at needing at least a couple hundred bucks. I asked if she was sure, and she said she was. So after trying to deal with the phone people, I went to Wal-Mart, hooked up with Straight Talk, bought a phone and a plan, and was on my way. Thankfully, the phone only ended up being about $180, and within the hour, there was $200 waiting on me at Money Gram.
Now, I said all this to say a couple of things. One, God is good. While it is true that I will not die without a cell phone, being without one would have caused me great distress. It is my means of communicating with the outside world, especially because there's no internet at my house. And provision like that... I know very few people who just give a couple hundred dollars to anyone, friends or not. And on the spot. Two, I do deserve to receive. Now, this may sound a bit selfish, but what I've come to realize is that I have a hard time receiving. I know in my mind that we all deserve to receive and to be given/shown love, but I think that I focus so much on giving to others that I don't even really think about receiving for me. For me, meeting the needs of others tends to bring me fulfillment. When I have my own needs, I tend to take care of it myself.
Three, I have some phenomenal friends. As I was writing in the Love Languages entry, it matters not to me how you show love as long as you do. This for me was a mind-blowing display. And my friend and I have had an interesting friendship. As with all friendships, there have been good and bad moments (on both sides), but at the end of the day, the two marks of true friendship are loving someone enough to allow/support authenticity and growth, and being there when a person is in need. Thankfully, she has done both. And she's not the only one. I count myself truly blessed to have people in my life who I can call 'friend' outside of facebook. Four, I am still learning to receive. And part of learning to receive is to be able to be open/vulnerable enough to share. When she had asked me what was wrong, I could have said, nothing, but that would not have enabled me to receive such a blessing.
So, even as a giver, I have to learn how to receive and allow others to give to me. It's all about balance. Yes, God is ultimately the one who takes care of me for giving the way I do, but there are times when God works through other people to provide said blessings. I have to be open enough to receive what God is trying to do in whatever form it may come. Remember, we all have to know how to give and receive in love. And we need to know that we won't always receive from the person we give to, but if we trust Divine Providence ('provide' meaning to see before, i.e. anticipating your need and making moves now to let it be met in the future), it will all work out and balance itself in the end. I can't be so independent and "self-sufficient" (I don't think such a thing is possible since we all need someone else at some point to do something for us) that I refuse to receive anything. I'd only hurt myself in the process.
My friend would kill me if I put her name in here, but I will say, "thank you" once again for blessing my life. As you reminded me yesterday, despite the ups and downs we've seen, it's all love.
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