Day 354 - No Real Reason

“Do not seek the because – in love there is no because, no reason, no explanation, no solution.” –Anais Nin

When I checked my email and saw this quotation, it made me smile.  It is very true that love tends to defy our reason.  In finding love in my way, there have been very few times, even as intellectual and “top-heavy” as I can be, when logic was the leading factor in matters of the heart.  Now, this doesn’t mean that I just jump into any of my relationships or hand out my heart to every other person who walks down the street.  There is some element of choice and decision in love and in relationships, because we can choose to engage or not to engage someone who your heart is leaning toward.  We have to choose to be open and choose to allow what we’re feeling to take root and grow. 

Yet, if you ask your heart why it chose who it chose, you won’t likely get an answer that will make sense.  In fact, you won’t get an answer.  The heart wants what it wants, and it doesn’t typically ask for permission when something or someone touches it.  There have been some moments when I have wondered why in the world I found myself having feelings for a particular person.  Sure, I could name the attributes in them that were desirable, but to actually understand why my heart had in essence wrapped itself around them, especially given the circumstances or what my brain knew to be slightly problematic, remains a mystery. 

But one of the things that I’ve learned in all of this is that there is a reason the heart finds refuge where it does.  It may not make sense to the mind, but the heart, in all its emotional fury, tends to find things can heal it in some way, even if it makes sense from no other angle.  And often, in the big scheme of things, the heart can jump into some that is ultimately not the best, because it only looks for what it resonates.  That is why the mind has to accompany the heart in decisions of relationship, because the heart knows what it wants, but the mind can help sort out the details.  Ultimately, there is no because, at least not in matters of the heart.  But as intelligent human beings, we have to balance the heart’s logic with the head’s logic in order to create a healthy environment for relationship.  Just because you love someone doesn’t mean that you need to be together.  There have been people in life who I loved but who I don’t need to be in (life-long) relationship with.  Even though there is typically no because in the heart, the mind should probably find one to make things work.