Day 11 - You Complete Me

Let me be the first to say that I love music.  90% of the time, I have something playing in my room.  I use music for my every mood, and as a dancer, I appreciate music that much more... but sometimes, music has some messages that are not the best influence for healthy relationships.  One such message is the title of a song by Keyshia Cole.

The title by itself is enough to make me wonder.  And the chorus takes it even further: "You love me, you complete me. You hold my heart in your hands, and it's okay 'cause I trust that you'll be the best man that you can."  Now, I appreciate her vote of confidence that he will be an awesome man and even that he is trustworthy.  That is good for a relationship.  My concerns are the fact that she feels that he completes her and the fact that he holds her heart in his hand.  First, I believe that a person should be complete before her or she enters a relationship.  Without being whole, a person will search for the filling of the voids in the partner, and this is an unfair expectation, as no person can complete you. 

I know that the famous line from this movie is one that makes girls swoon, aching to hear a man say that to them, but I cannot help but think about the deeper meaning of this.  If that person ever leaves or dies, will you be left incomplete forever?  And what about people who are single their whole lives?  Are they perpetually incomplete because they lack a romantic relationship?  I think completion should be something that we understand within ourselves, and the addition of another person simply complements what we have going on.  Completion doesn't mean perfection.  It simply means knowing, understanding, and accepting who you are, having a healthy view of and loving yourself.  When I can do this, then the addition of someone else will not complete me, just like the leaving of a person from my life will not make me incomplete and unable to function.  
My other concern from the chorus of Keyshia Cole's song is the fact that she has placed her heart in his hand.  The fact that her whole heart is in his hand is concerning, because he is a fallible human being.  The fact alone is cause for concern, because, even with the best of intentions, he will mess up and make mistakes.  And morbid though the fact may be, he will one day die.  If her heart is in his hand, then her life and her power reside in his hand and no longer rest with her.  When you give someone else your power, you put yourself in a dangerous place, because you are no longer in control.  While we hope that he has pure intentions for her, some people can use this kind of power to hurt and manipulate.  I would recommend allowing the person to share a piece of your heart but ultimately maintaining your own power.  This way, your life doesn't revolve around this person, and you can still have a life and calling that your partner simply adds to and enhances.
No, you don't complete me, and I don't want to complete you.  You should be complete before we come together so that our togetherness makes 2 wholes such that we have more than enough to overflow and bless others by our relationship as well.