Day 3 - Love Factor

So, initially I wanted to use this song as a follow-up from yesterday's entry about sacrifice.  Yesterday talked about being willing to die for someone, and there's a line in Lauryn Hill's "Ex-Factor" that strikes me as relates to sacrifice: "You said you'd die for me / Give to me, give to me / Why won't you live for me?"  While sacrifice and compromise in a relationship can be difficult, it is almost easier to say that you'll die for someone than to live for them.  Example: "baby, I love you.  You know that.  I would die for you."  "But you won't stop cheating on me?"  It sounds like a noble declaration to say that you'll lay down your life for someone, but the bigger question is how you live with and treat the person in everyday life and relationship. 
But then as I listened to the rest of the song, I realized that there are 2 larger themes that relate to love that I have to address.  The first is manipulation.  "No matter how I think we grow / You always seem to let me know / It ain't workin' / And when I try to walk away / You'd hurt yourself to make me stay."  As she says near the beginning of the song, "Loving you is like a battle / And we both end up with scars."  Her lover seems to be unable to act maturely and functionally in the relationship.  He says things aren't working, but then he might say something like "I'll just die if you leave me."  That's NOT love - that may co-dependence or addiction or insecurity, but twisting someone's arm (literally or figuratively) is not love.  To manipulate is defined as "to manage or influence skillfully, esp. in an unfair manner; to negotiate, control, or influence (something or someone) cleverly, skilfully, or deviously."  Love doesn't influence or manage one's feelings, creating difficult situations or control people, trying to make things come out its own way.  Manipulation comes out of fear and insecurity.  If a person thought that you loved them genuinely, there would be no need for them to try to control/manipulate you, because they would trust you to have their best interests at heart.  If you find yourself being manipulated in a relationship, even in the little things, you may want to assess that relationship and evaluate the strength of the actual love in it.
The other thing I saw is one that I see far too often.  "I keep letting you back in / How can I explain myself / As painful as this thing has been / I just can't be with no one else. See I know what we got to do / You let go and I'll let go too / 'Cause no one's hurt me more than you / And no one ever will."  She is aware that the relationship is bad for (most likely because of the pain it's caused her) and she remains there.  She has given her power to him, because she doesn't say "I'm leaving."  She says, "you let go and I'll let go too," but it's clear from the other lyrics that he won't let go.  Her level of self-love doesn't compare to her love for him, despite the destructive situation.  She questions her decision, but seems unable/unwilling to part ways, no matter how much pain she has suffered.  We must love ourselves enough to let painful situations go, especially when they involve manipulation and this level of pain.  No one deserves to be hurt, and everyone deserves healthy love.  In order to find healthy love, though, it's often necessary to let go of people, ideas, memories, etc that would hold you in bad situations for their own needs.  Letting go of someone you love is never easy, even if they are abusing you, but your love and care for self must be enough for you to leave, and loving yourself enough to move forward will definitely bring about more love and positive than you could imagine.  Fight for yourself - you're worth it.