People often say that real love doesn't hurt. I can understand the sentiment and concern about abuse and violence, and I would never justify or condone any sort of harm in a relationship. What I'm talking about is the pain that is experienced when the person you love is hurting and you share in that. When you really love someone and they are dealing with something that causes them pain, the connection that you share enables you to feel it, as if love (no matter the relationship) makes 2 become 1 in some ways.
In a world where we are taught to be individualistic, thinking of things as they benefit us first and foremost, it is sometimes difficult to imagine loving enough that you feel pain just because they do. Much of our lives is built around avoiding pain, whether it be isolating our hearts for fear of rejection, popping a pill at the first thought of discomfort to avoid any potential of disease, spending years in school getting degrees to make sure we are marketable so we don't experience poverty and financial instability, or buying things like guns and alarm systems to ward off the threat of danger to our homes and families. While caution is good and wisdom is important, some of our precautions keep us from being able to live, and such is the case with avoiding the depths and vulnerabilities of love for fear of sharing with another person.
Admittedly, some of the people closest to me are currently in very tender places in their lives, and it is difficult to see them suffer, even a little. My love for them makes me desire the best for them, and seeing them in anything less than the best of health, wholeness, and happiness brings pain to my heart. I having a burning desire to rescue them from their situations (and in some cases, from themselves), restoring them to the glory which I know they are capable of and deserve. Yet, love has to tap my shoulder and remind me that some furnaces must be endured in order for a person to grow and get better. It is at this moment when my pain is the greatest, because I want to help, and sometimes there are things that I could do to help, but I cannot, because Wisdom prohibits me inhibiting their process.
The video is of a monarch butterfly emerging from its chrysalis. Admittedly while watching it, I wanted to fast forward to the end and see it fly, but the beauty in this process is that the time and struggle that it takes for the butterfly to get out of its cocoon creates the strength required for the butterfly to live. A story's told of a man who saw a butterfly struggling to leave its cocoon, and he got some scissors, cutting the cocoon to help the insect shorten its process. Unfortunately, this made the butterfly weak and unable to fly and it died shortly after. What's my point? Love will give us the wisdom to know when to help and push, but it will also let us know there are times when all we can do is watch and pray as someone we love struggles. But at the end of the struggle, the glory that our loved one finds will bring a joy that outshines any pain we may have felt. Our job as the loved one is to be a stable presence of love and availability, ever keeping a prayerful eye, even if we are pushed away (because struggle does interesting things to people).
Something that I didn't know about this butterfly was the part that happened after it emerged from the cocoon. I was looking for it to immediately fly away, but instead, it stayed in place so that its wings could unfold and stretch out to their proper size. If the butterfly had tried to fly prematurely, even after it was fully formed, the end result would not have been good. So even though the transformation from caterpillar to butterfly was complete, the butterfly still had to get used to what being a butterfly meant before it could take flight.
Do you love someone that is deeply hurting right now? Talk to God and talk to them. See what you can do to help, and let love guide you in how to strengthen and encourage without cutting their process.
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