Day 28 - Words of Love

"Verbal assault is so common in American families of all races as to be considered simply normal." -bell hooks in Salvation: Black People and Love

The words that we speak are powerful.  Whether we realize it or not, the things that we say make an impact on the lives of others.  This quotation from the book I'm reading speaks volumes about the state of relationship in this country.  It's comical and expected for verbal altercations to be a part of family life, as many t.v. sitcoms and movies make clear.  Wives emasculate and question their husbands; husbands talk down to or make fun of their wives; parents tease or belittle or even ignore their children (lack of words can be just as damaging as abusive words).  The cycles of parenting continue from generation to generation - "this is how my mom acted, and I turned out just fine, so it will work for my kids."  "My father never told me he loved me, and I'm okay, so why should I have to tell you?  You know I love you - I provide for you, don't I?"  And since this verbal violence begins in the home, it's like second nature for such to continue into the rest of life. 

You may say something in passing to someone, not even thinking about it, but it might change their whole lives.  This became clear in the latest episode of "Community" (http://www.hulu.com/watch/212754/community-advanced-dungeons-and-dragons).  Without giving too much away, a description was given to a guy in a passing moment, but for him, it stuck and others caught on, and it got to him to the point where he became depressed/suicidal.  For the person who said it, it wasn't even intended maliciously, but the effects were almost lethal. 

Without proper affirmation at home and verbal terrorism outside the home, healthy self-esteem isn't likely to formulate.  Without healthy self-esteem, it is not likely that someone will be able to form healthy relationships and have genuine love for themselves or others.  Because of this, unhealthy relationships (like the one described in "Love the Way You Lie") form, creating violence, emotional malnutrition, anger, and a host of other things.  Relationships nowadays tend to be in turmoil, because the people in them are unhealthy, working through inner turmoil.  Without a stable base to stand on, everything in life and in relationships can move them and change their views.  

So take the time to affirm yourself and others.  Joking around is one thing, but make sure that humor isn't cruel and degrading.  Speak life.  Make positive words the norm.