Day 50 - Sense

My heart’s desire to

Completely focus on God v.

A new relationship…

My decision to forego all guys v.

Finding you about a month later…

My aspiration to give my heart

Solely to its Heavenly Protector v.

An earthly representative

Tugging at its strings…

Time has not been long,

Nor logic at its best in

The recent addition to my life…

Like Deborah Cox, I said

Nobody’s supposed to be here,

And like Mary J, I promised

Myself never to get hurt again.

I’ve been through enough “angels” to know

Love’s many faces and cruel facades,

Scarred and stepped on enough times that

My heart was left a quivering mass of

Fear and insecurity with a protective

Shell of anger that hides and blocks the tears.

But God has been luring my heart beyond its

Crumbling shell, and just as I thought that

God would continue the waltz of wooing my heart,

He lets you cut in.

Though my first instinct is questions and

Familiar defenses, instead of running,

I find India Arie’s words as she asked

Can I walk with you, cuz you make

Me feel like I could be a better woman.

Because of who I am, who God is, and

The uncanny way that God cares,

I know that, in spite of my fears, 

Your healing is in me, and

My healing is in you,

So I reach out in a way that

Still doesn’t yet make sense

Except when I’m in your arms.

In spite of my fears and past,

I expect a lot, because I can trust that

God made no mistakes when

He sheltered me with your heart.

So, this is a poem I wrote in 2008, and as I was reading it, it made me think of a few things.  I'm glad for growth and change and such.  

• The first thing I noticed was the fact that the poem begins by contrasting the relationship with God and the relationship with the man, but I've come to realize that when you walk expectantly in your relationship with God, all the things in your life mesh. There's no need for versus, because these things ought not be working against each other.  They should, in fact, work together to enhance one another.
• Love doesn't have "many faces and cruel facades."  Love itself is healing and consistent, but other things wear the mask and name tag of love, leaving a bad taste in most people's mouths for this thing called love.
•  "Your healing is in me, and my healing is in your" is still one of my fave lyrics ever.  Shouts to Mary J. Blige on that one.