Day 35 - Where You At

I'm a fan of Jennifer Hudson, and her music typically makes me smile, but when I heard this particular song, I was less than pleased.  Yesterday's song had a similar vibe, and so I wanted to make sure that both guys and girls had songs sung in their own voices.  Now, I can understand the fact that when you meet someone and you begin a relationship that there are hopes, desires, and expectations.  You never expect when you first meet someone that they will be abusive, manipulative, distant, or anything like that.  You hope that they will be loving, faithful, and good in relationship with you.  And part of the beauty of getting to know someone is to be able to find out such things.  When you find out certain things, it gives you an indication as to whether or not this person would be a good fit in your life (and this applies to any relationship).
I believe it was Maya Angelou who said, "when someone shows you who they are, believe them."  My issue with the song is not the desire for a faithful, caring, present person to be in relationship with - that's as natural as breathing, and we all want that.  My issue is that she is clear on who the object of her affection is and desires him to change in order to remain in relationship with her.  She says, "Now you said you'd go to church, stop slanging, find a real job, and go to work. And you say you'd stay out of the streets and spend more time with me." If those are his goals, then that is good, and he should be true to what he's said.  But if that's something that she wants him to do that he promised as a means of getting/staying with her, then that is problematic.
So I can speak to both parties in the situation.  For her, it's clear that your friend is not going to change anytime soon.  You have to decide whether or not you are willing to live with that person as they are for the rest of your life.  If yes, then make the necessary adjustments to your expectations.  If no, then you need to love yourself enough to move on.  I personally take words and promises very seriously, so I would have a hard time dealing with someone who lies as much as this song portrays.  Know that you deserve the best and that you don't have to settle for being treated any old way, especially if you are giving your all in a relationship.  And once again, don't ever get into a relationship with the goal of changing them.
To the person who has yet to keep the promises, I have some advice.  If you made the promises as a means of manipulating the relationship, shame on you.  Have the courage to be yourself and live with the consequences thereof.  If you don't want to go to church, then don't promise that you will.  Understand that this may cause the end of the relationship, but it's better to be authentic and single than to be a liar in a relationship, especially when you are just causing pain for the person you are lying to.  And if you actually have the desire to change, then do so.  Even if it's making small steps, do that and give your partner something to believe in as they make the journey with you.  A good partner will help and encourage you in your change, but don't just say you wanna change and never do anything about it. 
If you constantly have to ask where your loved one is or if your loved one is constantly asking you, maybe it's time to re-evaluate the relationship...