[Note: while I'm excited beyond words to write today's entry, because it highlights one of the most beautiful relationships I've ever had the blessing of witnessing, it saddens me that I have to change the names of the people to protect their identities because of closed-minded people and possible consequences from the "Church." Yes, this is about 2 ladies, but they love each other more and in a better way than most couples I have ever seen in my life, and their example is one that I could not go without sharing. As I've been trying to say through my blog, real love knows no bounds, so here goes.]
"I never thought I'd get married again. I thought I might be single for the rest of my life until I met Pepper." I was sitting around with some friends, and I can't for the life of me remember what the conversation was about (it may have been about divorce and marriages that are a mess), but when Maya said that, all of us were just touched. And it wasn't that she said what she said, because people say such things all the time to be mushy. She said it with all the truth and genuine love in her body. Even before this conversation, I was aware that there is a deep love when it comes to my two friends, but sharing with them in that moment, seeing the look on Maya's face, and understanding the beauty of what I was getting to witness, I couldn't help but smile.
I decided in that moment that I had to talk to them about what made their relationship (esp after only about 6 months) as beautiful and healthy as it is. So at dinner one night, I asked them about their story, and they talked about how they'd met in their group of mutual friends. Initially Maya was 'enjoying her singleness' and Pepper wasn't looking for a relationship because of other things in her life. Then, because of a conversation at dinner one night, Maya began to pay attention to Pepper and even pursuing her. Pepper initially kinda resisted, figuring she may be just another one on the list, but things began to become more real as they continued to talk, spend time together, dance, etc. It wasn't long before there were feelings on both sides, and despite their conversations about their relationship situations of the past, it had sorta become undeniable.
One night after a long day together, Maya sends Pepper a text message saying, "If I ever was to settle down with anybody, it would be somebody like you.” This, of course, shocked Pepper, because she hadn't really been sure of the depth of Maya's feelings until then. Initially, her response was "thank you," but the next day, she was open with her own feelings, and things sorta went from there. Now, in love and relationships, tests will come, as did one the next day. After the pouring out of hearts, there was a cookout with friends where they may have been some past "situations" or something of the like present. This made for an interesting time, but to add to, the silence on Maya's part for the next couple of days made it worse. Pepper was understandably upset and began to wonder and feel some kind of way, but once she decided to communicate, she found the reason - Maya's father had died. Being the person that Pepper is, she went into care mode and walked with Maya in her grief.
The rest, as they say, is history. Since that time, these two have become as close and connected as anyone can imagine. And it's not about the giggly, being all over each other, teenage obsession. What they have and expressed is a level of comfort that makes their life together and relationship a safe place of love and mutual respect. Pepper said, “I think that’s the mark of true love... is that we can go across the whole spectrum.” They can have fun together, they can chill together, they can be serious together, they can pray and cry together, and just be themselves. For her, it's about Maya's ability to walk with her in the journey of her call, unafraid of the spiritual things, because she has her own sense of God and spirituality as well. And it doesn't hurt that she's intelligent and they can match each other intellectually. For Maya, it's the fact that “We can chill with each other not doing nothing and not be bored.” And they can talk about any and everything. It also helps that Pepper is "cultured," and being from a different country, Maya needed someone who would be open to and understanding of her culture, not afraid to eat "ethnic" foods and things like that.
While there are sometimes conflicts - like doing a survey in Sam's Club to see who was right about the fact that "everyone knows that pineapple is the universal symbol of hospitality" or the fact that they have different love languages and learning to express love in ways that work for each other - they have decided that Love is what is most important, and they are unafraid to work through whatever comes their way. They are two healthy people who have enough self-awareness and maturity to know what they want and need, and that is what gives true depth to this love. Having experienced their share of relationships and life experiences, they have been blessed to come to a place individually that makes what they have collectively possible.
Confession Time: I have seen almost no healthy relationships up close. It's one thing to see Barack and Michelle on tv and think it'd be nice to have what they have, but at the end of the day, I don't know them and I have no idea what their actual relationship is like. But for me to see real love (I mean the respect, the commitment, the affection, the comfort, the compatibility on all levels, the authentic expressions of self even in the face of difference, etc) with some people who I can see and talk to and kinda know on a real basis gives me hope that I may one day have a shot. I count myself blessed to be friends with both of these ladies and to be able to see how they relate in such a way that highlights a love that I would like all people to experience. Love like that is the reason I write this blog. Thank you two for being yourselves and taking the chance to love - it gives hope to the rest of us.
Love a word that comes and goes...oh but how it exist!
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