Day 47 - Lay it Down (Lloyd and Patti)

So, at face value, this song sounds like a good thing - a young man who is having issues in his relationship enlists the help of a mother figure to advise him.  She says that rather than emphasizing the sexual aspect of their relationship - "lay your head on my pillow," he should focus on the emotional/connectedness aspect of their relationship - "tell her 'I love you.  I need you.  Honey, I love you, I do.'"  I appreciate that, because she is advising him to treat her right, and that seems to be a major problem nowadays in any relationship - fidelity, respect, mutuality, reciprocity, real love, etc.  He appears to be listening and taking her advice to heart.  He even goes so far as to say that he'll change.

My issue comes with something she says near the end of the song.  After he says he'll change and that he'll stay out of the club because he knows that she's right, she says, "You don't have to change, stay the same.  Just switch it up a little, let her see that you try - she's gonna love you more if you do."  REALLY?!  Sigh.  So here is a black man willing to do what is right and honorable by the woman he loves, and you encourage him not to?  He wants to change, and you basically say to just switch up your approach from time to time and basically fake?  I'm sorry, but that is more than problematic to me.  

When I heard that part of the song, I thought about my current book of choice, and it made me think.  I remembered a portion of the book, and I feel like it relates in a way: "Contrary to popular myth, boys raised in single-parent female-headed households are usually taught patriarchal thinking in these homes.  Often it is their mothers who teach them that women should be subordinate to men, that by virtue of maleness they should have more power and privilege" (148).  While she is clearly not raising him, the influence appears the same.  She is essentially confirming the "masculine" stereotype that affirms doing what you want and doing just enough to make the woman in your life feel like you care.  This is unfortunate, because Patti can be a respected mother figure, and because she's basically said that it's okay to be inauthentic in relationship.  

For anyone who is contemplating change for the better in order to improve a relationship, do so.  Don't just fake it.  It will make your life better overall.  Gender roles and patriarchy are something I'll address in another blog entry, but for now, just know that everyone is equal and should be loved and treated as such.