Day 59 - Come to Me

I love this song.  When I hear it, I think about the give and take of the everyday stuff in love.  There are times when there is just back and forth or the ups and downs of life.  "This is how these things go - I was broke and you were scared, but you stayed by my side."  That's a beautiful thing - the commitment of love and care.  But what really stood out to me was the chorus: "And I'm telling you to come to me - I'll restore freedom.  I'll carve away the worries in your heart."  The beauty of having someone to confide in and being able to communicate what's going on....  In all my friendships, there is a level of communication and openness, and so I've come to appreciate that.  Besides, I am the type of person who wants those who I care about to be able to come to me when they have issues and share.  Some people apologize for "burdening" me, but I always say that I'd rather they talk to me about it than suffer alone and find deeper complications because of it.  If strangers can walk up to me and tell me things that they've never told other people, then I surely want my friends to have the same freedom.  Now, I'm not sure how much I can carve out of anyone's heart, but I can listen, pray, cry, advise, etc. 
So consider your own life.  Do you have someone to go to when you need an ear?  And can people come to you?  Do you have enough love and strength for yourself that it can overflow and minister to others or are you barely making it yourself?  If no one else, God always says, "come to Me."  And I'm here too.  :)

Day 58 - Journey to Beautiful

I was thinking about the song "Beautiful" and I realized why so many people choose to stay in Mediocre or Plain or even Pretty rather than going all the way to Beautiful - the journey is hard... and I've written a poem to reflect such:

 I wanna go to beautiful, beautiful, beautiful…

But the journey to that magical place is

Not at all like the destination.

Deciding to leave where you are

Begins the emotional weight-lifting as

The jaws of life may be required to

Wrestle you from the couch of

Your comfort zone.

And just to pack bags for the trip

Requires assessing what you’ll need

For a journey whose schedule you don’t know and

Whose end you’ve only vaguely seen

In the hopeful recesses of your mind and the

Deepest yearnings of your heart.

And once you’ve sorted through your

Stacks of stuff and piles of priorities,

You may find yourself standing at the door,

Taking a deep breath before facing the world…

Only to feel a hand tugging at you and

Eyes questioning why you’re leaving,

Deep down wondering why they’re not enough…

Words can’t really express your restless drive or

Unfulfilled curiosity and need for this

Soul thirst quenching quest.

With a hug of assurance and

‘I love you’ whispered to wipe tears and

Soothe fearful anger,

You once again approach the threshold.

Without a GPS,

Clinging to a strong sense of ‘must go’

With a shiver of ‘don’t go’ tickling the

Back of your neck and pit of your stomach,

Your feet find the drive in your heart and

Slowly, deliberately start to move forward.

Moving in direction unaware to a

Place that’s pretty much unknown,

Running into obstacles and potholes that

Can mean direction change,

Take a break, or push through,

Praying for clarity while

Picking a direction.

The path is lined with mirrors and

Sanctuaries for reflection,

Allowing the beautiful within to

Become part of the journey and

The destination,

While the ugly is

Melted as you get closer to the

“Bright sunshine” of

Your own possibilities and the

Divine reawakening within you.

Whether the river of tears carries you,

The press through stress pushes you,

Whether fear drives you forward or

It tries to hold you back,

The questions of self,

The questions from others,

Wrestling with those things that

You thought were true but are no longer,

Processing things that make you feel like

You are coming apart at the scenes and

Have no idea who you really are…

But in the midst of it all,

Your mind repeats and

Your heart echoes with hope

I wanna go to beautiful, beautiful, beautiful…

I know the journey is tough.  I'm in the midst of the journey myself, and I'm doing more crying than I have in a while, but I know that Beautiful is just what the name says.  And when I get to Beautiful, I will have a peace that I have not known for a long time.  Pushing through Regular to get to Beautiful...

Day 57 - Can You See?

The more I grow and live, the more I have come to see that words and rhetoric tend to really be just that.  As I read my devotional for yesterday, I was struck by something the author said.  She was describing a funeral reception where she didn’t really know anyone.  “That day, except for a few family members who were surrounded by people, strangers faced me in every corner.My choice was between strangers who looked like me, and those who didn’t.  It’s not that they really looked like me, they just seemed like me on the surface - traditionally dressed, about my age, and talking about things I might talk about. Then there was the group outside on the back patio. I knew who they were, and they weren’t like me. Their lifestyle choices were far from mine.  Plate in hand, I stood beside the buffet table weighing my options.  And I asked myself, ‘Where would Jesus sit?’  Would He choose to sit inside with those who looked like Him?  Or would He be outside with those whose choices revealed a heart far from God?  The answer was obvious; I headed for the back door.”  

As I read this, I thought, 'how in the world does she know just by looking at people that their hearts are far from God?'  I mean, I have some discernment, but I'm typically not able to say just by looking at someone whether they have a better relationship with God than I do.  She said that she knew who they knew and that they weren't like her.  Their lifestyle choices were different from hers.  But I'm still wondering, since most of the people were strangers - meaning she didn't actually know them - how she knew their hearts so intimately....

Or was it that she was making an assumption based on appearances?  Tattoos, piercings, clothing, and relationship partners do not make someone any more or less in relationship with God than a suit, a church hat, a dress, a briefcase, or a Bible.  Now, I will say that uncomfortable social situations are not my favorite, and I too prefer to find people who may be more similar to me, so I appreciate that God sometimes calls us out of our comfort zones to meet different kinds of people.  In such instances, you can learn about and even find new parts of yourself that you were unaware of.  But I daresay that we should ever judge a person's relationship with God or whether they are "sinners" just based on what we think we know or see.  

In a related mode, the article for which I posted the link below speaks to judgments based on perceptions but not knowledge of the heart.  I don't care what you know or what you think you know, God is the only one who can make rulings on the hearts of people.  Maybe we should follow the example of the people in this article and bridge gaps or be obedient in stepping outside of our comforts, but we should stay away from making calls about people based on our limited knowledge or sight.

The Root

Day 56 - Beautiful

I love this song, and I greatly appreciate its message. 

“The time is right, I’m gonna pack my bags and take that journey down the road, cuz over the mountain I see the bright sun shining and I want to live inside the glow.”  At some point life, we have all come to a place where we have seen that things are not as we would like them to be, and we needed to make a decision.  This song speaks to choosing a path and a place that is “beautiful.”  No longer can India.Arie live in a place that is simply mediocre, but she must live in the glow of the sun and in a place where “the sky opens to my prayer.”  The visual of such a place is stunning, as communion with the Divine seems uninhibited by church buildings, traditions, and doctrines, and she can experience that Presence and love shining upon her just by virtue of her acknowledgment that the Presence is there.

Of course, in such a transition, it’s often necessary to leave people behind… whether temporarily or permanently.  Because of this, she must give some assurance to concerned loved ones: “Please understand that it’s not that don’t care, but right now these walls are closing in on me.  I love you more than I love life itself, but I need to find a place where I can breathe.”  Sometimes, we have to get by ourselves for a while to find our "beautiful."  As much as we love the people in our lives, there are some things that we cannot find and experience in the presence of others.  That doesn't mean that we can't share the experience later, but some things have to be done in solitude.

Where is your “beautiful”?  If you had to describe and envision a “beautiful” for your life, what would it look like?  What would it include?  My "beautiful" would be a place where all the parts of me that I've been taught are at war are actually working together at peace - my mind, my emotions, my divine connection (spirit), my body, etc.  I would be at peace with myself, having as full a knowledge of Alexandria as I could at any given time, allowing me to be at peace with others in their various forms and places in life.  My relationships would be healthy and getting better with open communication and great degrees of understanding and transparency.  And I would be able to bring healing to those in need....  

What is your "beautiful"?  Do you even know?

Day 55 - Love v. Hate

When I first saw this picture, I was very disturbed.  I mean, clearly the baby doesn't actually have tattoos, but what it represents (at least in my interpretation) is deep.  It appears as if the choice between love and hate starts in the earliest parts of life.  This baby can't be more than a year old and is always being given the choice between love and hate.  Life is already shaping this child in its emotional foundation before it can walk.  It also says to me that the way we live our lives and relate to one another is a choice. 
Of course, I'm gonna say to choose love....  It may not always be the easiest choice, esp when others don't embrace love fully, but it is always the best choice.  :)

Day 54 - Stay Down

So, while this song itself is interesting and deals with the working through that relationships often require, there's one line in particular that I love, and that's what I'm gonna base this entry on: "Your healing is in me and my healing is in you."  As I've lived and related to people, I have come to realize that every relationship has purpose.  Now, this purpose might not seem obvious and it might not seem positive when certain relationships end, but all relationships contribute something to our lives.  In every relationship and interaction, there is a level of healing available when people open up to one another and receive the love.  I have had friendships and relationships that have provided things like affirmation, confidence, provocation to grow, strength, the need to pray, etc.  For example, I've admittedly had some issues with my biological dad, and one of my relationships with one of my male friends actually provided some of the foundational love and affirmation and care that allowed him to almost be a surrogate father and help heal me in that area.
So, "Your healing is in me and my healing is in you."  Look at your relationships and see where the healing is coming from.  A lot of times, we just go through our relationships in less than intentional ways and just let life and things happen.  This is not to say that you control or plot out your relationships, but it is good to recognize (at least vaguely) the place of a relationship in your life.  I have looked at the people in my life, and I know generally where they all fit.  This also helps me to be more secure in my friendships, because I have an idea of their function and what I can expect per person.  Some friends are for hanging out, some for religious conversations, some for political conversations, some for relationship conversations, etc.

Day 53 - My Song

When I heard that Dr James Forbes was going to preach John Jasper Day at Sixth Mount Zion, I knew I had to be there.  When I heard him preach at Ellison 2 years ago, I appreciated the balance between great homiletics and spiritual attentiveness, speaking to the whole person.  He is also a poet like me, and the poem that he shared was a beautifully affirming piece.  Well, he did it again, and I wanted to share the poem with you to empower you as well.

There’s a song inside of me

I can hardly wait to see

What it is I have to say

Or the music I will play.

It’s been so long in coming –

First the thought,

Then some humming,

But before I find my key,

Something stifles it in me.

What keeps my song from being sung?

Past hurts?

Deep fears?

A timid tongue?

What makes my freedom come so hard?

A self-made, live-in prison guard.

Meanwhile my song still groans in me,

I can’t be me until my song is set free.

Debating, hesitating, getting ready to sing,

My song could die like a stillborn thing.

“Release your song,” said the Spirit to me,

“Be free!  Be free!  It’s jubilee!

Cast out each fearsome song patrol,

Proclaim deliverance to your soul!”

The Spirit of Life now flow through my blood,

I said, “yes!”

Something broke – it came like a flood.

Both from within and down from above

A kingdom built on the power of Love.

Thank God my song has been set free –

The rhythm and the words are right for me.

I’m finally ready to sing out strong,

My soul is saying, “this is my song!”

Know that you have a song – a purpose and place where you fit and belong.  Your song has been trying to manifest since before you were born, but life tends to speak louder than your soul.  Take time to listen for and release your song, even if it’s just in your quiet time with yourself.  Work through the fears and insecurities and baggage that hides your true self and listen for the melody, the tune, the lyrics to your own song.  How does this relate to love?  The best way to love yourself is to know yourself and embrace that person fully, and what better way than hearing and knowing the very core of your existence.  And once you know yourself and can walk in that, you can love yourself and love others, bringing healing to them as well.