Day 141 - Just Like Music

I absolutely love music.  It has always been one of my saving graces and something I could connect to.  Because I've had some emotional issues for most of my life, I needed something to help me to express (and even feel) my emotions in a way that allowed release.  I was prone to holding everything in, repressing feelings and even life itself out of fear, but thankfully music was like a little valve that allowed to release little bits of the pressure.  There's nothing I love more than driving down the highway with the windows open and singing along with someone like Jennifer Hudson who sings her heart out.  In some way, it's like singing along with her allows me to reach the same depth of emotion that she had in singing it. 
I also love the kind of music where the beat becomes my pulse and I dance so hard, I work up a sweat.  There's something about setting my body free within the realm of a beat, being energized as I release that which would weigh me down and keep me still.  I can get lost in the dance and feel nothing but the music pumping around, in, and through me.  On the other hand, I love music that can speak to or even put me in a mood of love and tenderness.  Even though I consider myself a writer, songwriters often have a way of putting words together that can say what only my heart knows to be true, connecting me to that special someone on a deeper level through the blissful combination of words and melody.
Music can also empower me, making me feel like I can survive, achieve, stand, push forward, etc.  There have been many days where my self-doubt kicked in but a song on my laptop was able to straighten my backbone and push me to believe and move on. 
I end my blog with a song that sums up the grace of music and its ability to bless our lives.

Day 140 - I Don't Wanna Grow Up

So, if you recall, I got some foot to @$$ the other day, and an important question was posed, both within me and by a dear friend: why are you afraid to grow up?  Well, here's what I came up with:

·         Fear of failure/inadequacy – these 2 things, though presented as 1 because they are so connected, are probably the core of this hesitation.  I’ve been told all my life how much potential I have and how awesome I am, but my lack of self-esteem because of the other factors in my life have caused me to be fearful of my own hype.  While I know that there is greatness there, I find it hard to believe that I have the ability to live it all out and be that great.  I guess that’s why I do less and settle, because it’s easier than failing.  I’ve had enough disappointment in my life from others… I feel like it’d be unbearable to fail in some way and disappoint myself as well.  And I don’t want to disappoint all the people who see so much in me….  I think that I’ve also learned in life that when there are lower expectations, there is less disappointment if nothing happens.  Therefore, instead of stepping out and having the possibility of failure, I just chill and trust that life will push me along and I’ll get to wherever I’m supposed to without really having to put myself out there.  I also wonder if I’m good enough to know what I’m “gifted” at and get paid for it because it (whatever it is in totality) is so unconventional.

·         Finances – I’ve been broke or near to it for most of my life.  This is not something that I want to be a pattern for the rest of my life. 

·         Passion – I don’t wanna do a job that I hate for years in order to make a paycheck.  I can’t live that empty, painful life as I see and hear about so many people doing. 

·         Responsibility – I think this part of the reason I don’t wanna have kids too.  I don’t wanna have to be the person responsible for something.  Sure, I pay my cell phone bill and a couple other small things, but I know that if something happens, I have my parents to fall back on, especially since I live in their house.  When all else fails, they are there to help me out.  As an adult, I don’t feel that I’ll have that same type of grace, and even though I know they wouldn’t leave me lacking if they can do something, I guess it’s the idea that adults are supposed to be independent…

·         Child-like essence – I like being a kid.  I think I missed some of my childhood because the domestic issues, and that may be part of why I feel compelled to have some of that now.  But beyond that, I believe I’m a simple-hearted individual (which is necessary to balance all the depth), and I don’t want to lose that sense of wonder and ‘innocence’ and heart in the cares of the ‘adult’ world.

·         Normality – part of me wants a ‘normal’ life.  As much as I hate the idea of a typical 9 to 5, I would like to get a ‘normal’ job and move on the path toward a ‘normal’ life where I get my own place, ‘settle down,’ and live that way.  This has less to do with fear of growing up and more to do with fear of my calling and all that it will require of me.  I was so ready for normalcy that I ran from the thought of school, but it’s quite interesting that I find myself potentially headed back in that direction.  And admittedly, sitting in the classroom today felt… I don’t know, but I think I liked it more than I wanna admit at this point of my life.  

So why am I sharing this?  Because I don't want others to live with these same fears and be unaware of what is going on.  I figure that if I share my stuff, someone else may find resonance in their own life and find the strength and ability to change.  Since the processing of all this, I have made steps to move forward and get on track toward being an adult and walking in my calling.  I can no longer be afraid to grow up and assume responsibility for my life.  God is my provision, my guide, my heart, and my help, so I have no reason to fear failure, poverty, lack of fulfillment, or anything else if since I trust Her to lead and cover me.  
As my sister friend told me later, "it's time to deal with it head on so you can fully blossom into the beautiful young woman you are.  The fear is gonna hold you back and the world needs to hear from you."  It helps to know I'm loved and to love myself enough to face my fear and move forward, knowing that beautiful things await.

Day 139 - Divine Delays

So, on Tuesday, I read one of my devotionals for the day, and it was actually a repeat from a while back.  I figured that since I don't believe in coincidence that this particular devotion might hold some kind of meaning.  As I read it, I thought about how it reflects the struggle that we sometimes can have our loving others v. loving ourselves and how the two tend to work together.  I'll paste the devotional here then have some final thoughts afterward.

Divine Delays Zoe Elmore

"The LORD is near to all who call on him, to all who call on him in truth. He fulfills the desires of those who fear him; he hears their cry and saves them." Psalm 145:18-19 (NIV)

My schedule was tight and I was out of make-up, so I planned to pick up my favorite foundation at the local mall, leaving room to still arrive on time for my friend's annual Christmas tea. As I prepared to leave, the Lord whispered to my heart, Don't go to the mall; go to the make-up store near your home.

But Lord, I argued, I have my friend's Christmas tea and the mall is on the way. What You're asking me to do isn't convenient. I will have to go out of my way and I will be late for the tea. And You know how important punctuality is to me!

After more arguing, I reluctantly obeyed and went into the corner make-up store.

I knew the young woman working. She's not only pleasant, but quick and efficient with her customers. Lord, maybe this inconvenience won't interrupt my schedule too much after all.As I entered the store, the familiar woman greeted me and offered to help with my purchase. I told her what I needed and added that I was in quite a hurry to be on time for my Christmas tea.

Quickly and efficiently she found the needed product and walked me to the register to check out.

This was easier than I thought, I said to myself as she handed me my purchase. Then it happened... the reason I had been led to go out of my way.

"I know you're in a hurry, and I will only keep you one more moment." The young woman shared. "I'd like to ask that you pray for me and my struggling marriage as you drive to your Christmas tea. I don't think my marriage can be saved."

In that moment I sensed the Lord, This is why I wanted to interrupt your busy schedule.

I placed my purchase on the counter, held her hands and prayed. As the Lord guided my words, the young woman began to sob, her tears landing softly on my hands. When I said "Amen," she hugged me tightly and whispered, "Of all the people I've asked to pray for me, you're the first one to stop and do so. Thank you. I've been very discouraged, and had thought no one would ever respond to my request. In fact, I had given up all hope that God even heard my cries for help."

I reminded her of today's key verse, "The LORD is near to all who call on him, to all who call on him in truth. He fulfills the desires of those who fear him; he hears their cry and saves them." (Psalm 145:18-19, NIV)

She thanked me for my time, adding that she would begin to dig into God's Word for more strength and encouragement. The store began to fill with customers. There was one more hug and an exchange of phone numbers as I left for the tea. Since that day we have talked and prayed together on several occasions and we plan to continue. Each time she and I talk, it's a reminder that when I listen and obey the Lord's promptings, I experience the joy of His presence in a powerful way.

God's divine delay taught me that being used by the Lord for His glory in the life of others far outweighs arriving on time.

While the author's initial desire was to be on time, she took the time to be obedient to the Spirit, showing love for the Divine.  Then, taking more of her time to show love to this woman, she prayed for her on the spot as opposed to saying I'll add you to my prayer list later (something I admittedly would like to get better at).  But in showing love to the Divine and in showing love to this stranger, she received the blessings of joy and a new friend.  

So look and listen for opportunities to show love and be a blessing to someone else.  You never know what kind of love you will experience as a result.   

Day 138 - Oprah

As “The Oprah Winfrey Show” came to an end after 25 years, I have to comment about such a milestone in American history.  Even though I’m a bit slow, and I just started watching her show this season, it is clear that she has made a difference in thousands of lives.  I have taken some of her words from the last show and placed them in the entry.  I will let them speak for themselves, because they are simple and profound enough on their own.  Take a moment to ponder and even meditate on what’s being said. 

·         All life is energy.  “Place take responsibility for the energy you bring into this space.”

·         Jeri Maguire was just a movie – nobody completes you.

·         There is a common thread that runs through all of our pain and all of our suffering, and that is unworthiness – not feeling worthy enough to own the life you were created for.

·         You’re worthy because you are born and you are here.  You’re being alive makes worthiness your birthright.  You alone are enough.

·         Do you see me?  Do you hear me?  Does what I say mean anything to you?

·         What are the whispers in your life and will you hear it?

I couldn’t agree more with what she had to say.  In every person, there is a question of worth and value, and I believe that the greatest acts of love are those that confirm and affirm the value of another person.  There is a saying that goes “be the change you want to see,” but I will take that a step further and see “be the love you want to see.”  Build your worth in your eyes.  Seek the unconditional love of God that builds your worth and perception of your value.  And then give that others.  When we do this in the ways that we are called to live within our passions, that is when we are truly alive and truly divine.

In the parting words of Oprah, “Until we meet again, to God be the glory…”

Day 137 - The Baby

Well, today is the last day that I get to spend with the baby.  It's been an interesting 3.5 months, and I'm going to miss the little lady.  So, why is she being included in the blog, you may ask? What I've realized is that I have grown to love this little girl.  You may call it maternal instinct.  You may call it an innate need to be needed.  But I think that, because of the person I am and the way I view the world, I have chosen to care for this little girl.  It's not just a job for me, and I care about the little one. 

And I love children in general.  There is a joy and an innocence and a sense of wonder about them.  She is at the point where she is still discovering much of the world.  And while there's so much that I "know," I think I've learned to appreciate that child-like wonder.  While she is growing and learning and working through seeing a lot of life for the first time, she has a distinct personality and character.  There is a joy in seeing things in a different, more open way without judgment through her eyes.
Though this may be the end of our time together, and she may not remember me when she grows up, I will remember her and be appreciative of this time.  She's reminded me of another way of seeing the world... and love - in its simplest, most awe-inspiring form everyday. 

Day 136 - Foot to @$$

So, as I continue to see and think of love in its various manifestations in my life, I must admit that I'm challenged (in more ways than one) by the latest one.  After about 2.5 weeks, I was finally enjoying some sacred time with my sister friends.  We were talking as we usually do, and the conversation shifted to me and what I was doing with my life.  Admittedly, conversations like this have happened to a lesser degree since before I graduated from Virginia Union, but this one was the peak.  After one of my dear sister friends lit into me about moving forward and spelled out the fact that I needed to figure out what was keeping me from doing what I was called to do, the other (whose face had been talking the entire conversation as she remained verbally silent) asked why I was afraid to grow up.  Now, such a question wouldn't have been so powerful except for the fact that it flashed through my mind about a minute before she asked me. After fumbling to try to articulate a thought or two that flashed across my mind as reasoning, I was glad for the first time ever that my mother and I were sharing a car and that I had to go pick her up right then.
The most challenging part of the conversation was not being pushed to face some realities about myself (although, that was rough).  For me, the toughest part was fighting something that I have fought for a long time - fear of rejection.  I'm not a fan of being criticized in any light, because it echoes the teasing and things that I endured as a young person.  Yet, because of the tone of the conversation and the relationship that I have with these ladies, the critique was one that comes out of love and concern for me... and it's akin to one that I would level at them should they need it.  So even though my initial reaction was to run and hide and cry because of past experiences, after I went home and cried (because facing myself can be hard) and processed what was said and what was needed, I knew all the more that I was loved, and I'm thankful for sister friends who aren't afraid to be honest and who won't let me waste my life and purpose.

Day 135 - Love Song for Lucinda

Love
Is a ripe plum
Growing on a purple tree.
Taste it once
And the spell of its enchantment
Will never let you be.

Love
Is a bright star
Glowing in far Southern skies.
Look too hard
And its burning flame
Will always hurt your eyes.

Love
Is a high mountain
Stark in a windy sky.
If you
Would never lose your breath
Do not climb too high. 
-Langston Hughes

Since I was at Busboys and Poets for brunch, and I believe this restaurant is something of a tribute to Langston Hughes, I decided to look at one of his poems, and I like this one, especially for this blog.  I like the first verse, because it's true.  Once you get a taste of real love, it will be impossible to live without it.  You won't ever want poor substitutes like lust or infatuation ever again.  The second verse was a bit interesting to me, as I'm still trying to figure out what it means, but I can say that love is a beautiful and glorious thing to behold.  Maybe the thought is that if you stare at it too long (trying to think it through or analyze it too much), then it will do more harm than good.  And the third voice definitely brings some truth.  The higher you go in love, the greater the chance you have of losing your breath.  Now this could be in pure amazement and admiration of the beauty of love.  Or as I sometimes think about it, love has a way of removing mindsets and behaviors that we thought we needed to live (breath) and replace it with healthier alternatives and thoughts.  
Thanks to Langston Hughes for his contributions to American life and culture.  

Day 134 - If You Don't Know Me By Now

At some point during the road trip this weekend, I heard this song (as I have a million times when riding with my father who loves old school music), and I began thinking about the words.
"If you don't know me by now, you will never never never know me..."  To me, this says that there is a relationship that has been long enough that the singer expects his love to have a fair amount of knowledge of him.  There's an expectation of intimacy and trust because of their relationship and shared time, but it appears that this hasn't been enough to convince the person he's talking to, because this person seems to still have some questions or to not know him as the lyrics imply.
"All the things that we've been through, you should understand me like I understand you.  Now, girl, I know the difference between right and wrong.  I ain't gonna do nothing to break up our happy home.  Oh don't get so excited when I come home a little late at night, cuz we only act like children when we argue fuss and fight."  Not only has their relationship had some length to it, but there have been occurrences and tough times that have given their relationship character and depth.  Because of this, his love should definitely have seen the depths of who he is and be able to trust and understand that he wouldn't hurt her.  So even if he comes in late, that shouldn't be cause for concern on her part, because she should know that his heart is with her.  And besides, the fighting, in his mind, is silly.
"We've all got our own funny moods - I've got mine; woman, you've got yours too.  Just trust in me like I trust in you.  As long as we've been together, it should be so easy to do.  Just get yourself together or we might as well say goodbye.  What good is a love affair when you can't see eye to eye?"  Amen for people and their moods.  This is true of every person alive, so I can definitely see his point here.  At the end of the day, a relationship has to be about trust.  It would seem that there may be some insecurity on the part of the loved one that may be causing this strain.  While seeing eye to eye isn't necessary all the time, in things like trust, it's important.
Now, I will say that, while trust is key, it is important to be aware of the person you are in relationship with.  The singer seems to be saying that his character and their relationship offer no reason for her to be concerned.  While he may be truthful, there may be others who use this song as a way of manipulating something into trusting them when that trust is not deserved and will be abused.  It should also be noted that people tend to change/evolve, so naturally it follows that people change in relationship.  This is not to say that a trustworthy person will not be trustworthy next year, but it is to be noted that people can change.  Thus, it's important to be aware of and discuss these changes, because such things can lead to questions/insecurities, especially within intimate relationships.

Day 133 - Rapture

Well, unless I missed something, the world didn't end yesterday... but if it had, would you have been okay with your life as it was?  Have you given your all and done as much as you could to make your life the best that it could be?  And what about love?  Is your life full of the love that you give and receive?  Do you know the love of God (whatever name you may give to Him/Her) in a way that is healing and transforming?    Do you have the type of love for yourself that is affirming and that fights off insecurity?  Is there one person in your life who you know without a shadow of a doubt loves you deeply and truly?
Take some time and reflect....  Are you living your life as if it may end tomorrow, or is each day just another 24 hours that passes?

Day 132 - Listen

Admittedly, when I first heard this song, I didn't like it.  For some reason, the line "I'm not at home in my own home" made me angry.  I figured that she should just leave if that's how she felt.  But then as I listened to the song more and I saw it in the context of the movie, I began to not only understand but empathize.  While I have never been in a romantic relationship like that, much of life has done something similar to me. 
"Listen to the song here in my heart - a melody I start but can't complete.  Listen to the sound from deep within - it's only beginning to find release.  Oh, the time has come for my dreams to be heard.  They will not be pushed aside and turned into your own all 'cause you won't listen."  I believe that all of us have an internal song that needs to come out in order for us to fully be alive.  And many things in our lives can quiet or even silence this song before we even have a chance to hear it.  Sometimes people want to sing their song as our or redirect our song so that it fits and benefits their lives.  Even though Beyonce isn't quite familiar with her entire song is, she knows enough to know when someone is trying to force theirs onto her, and she won't stand for it.  She is trying to find and bring out her own song now.
"Listen, I am alone at a crossroads.  I'm not at home in my own home, and I've tried and tried to say what's on mind.  You should have known.  Oh, now I'm done believing you.  You don't know what I'm feeling.  I'm more than what you made of me, I followed the voice you gave to me, but now I've gotta find my own."  When life gets to the point that you are trying to figure out what your song is and who you really are, it can be a difficult place.  You can feel restless, out of place, confused, and all sorts of things as you sort through what you've been told and who you thought you were and try to find the truth.  But the most important thing is to begin to distinguish your voice from everyone else's even those closest to you, because no matter how much they love you, they aren't you and can't tell you what would fulfill you.  It's okay to listen to their counsel, but ultimately, the decision must be yours.
"You should have listened.  There is someone here inside, someone I thought had died so long ago.  I'm free now and my dreams'll be heard. They will not be pushed aside or worked into your own all 'cause you won't listen."  This awakening of self is a powerful thing, and it can feel like freedom to realize that you don't live and exist as a manifestation of someone else's desire.  And some people like to take advantage when they know that you don't know who you are.  I think the movie "Dreamgirls" is a good example of that - he saw her talent and beauty and worked to capitalize on that in the interest of his material wealth and his relational needs.  Eventually, however, she woke up and realized that she didn't have to submit to his desires for her life and be treated as she was.
"I don't know where I belong, but I'll be moving on if you don't, if you won't listen to the song here in my heart - a melody I start but I will complete.  Now I'm done believing you.  You don't know what I'm feeling.  I'm more than what you made of me.  I followed the voice you think you gave to me, but now I've gotta find my own, my own."  The end of the song is the most empowering part.  She says that she's not entirely sure of how things will end up, but she does know that she cannot continue with him as things are.  While she has been unfamiliar with her own song, she is now determined to complete it herself.  She has lived long enough in his ideas for her, but now it's time for her to make her own way and decide who she is. 
I love this song, because it is my own in some ways.  It is encouragement that, even if I've lived 26 years being silenced, shunned, or stunted, I can find the strength and power to find my own voice and song.  I encourage you to find your song, pushing past the expectations, desires, and designs of others in order to find what is authentically, beautifully you.

Day 131 - Sex Change

Because Logo has become my new favorite channel, not only do I enjoy the documentaries and RuPaul's shows (Drag U and RuPaul's Drag Race), but I also love seeing the movies that they show.  Most of the movies that they show deal with gender/sexuality issues, and they are movies that other channels don't show.  The movie "Normal" is one such movie.  The premise of the movie is that a man (Roy) in a small town, whose been married to a woman for 25 years, active in his church, has 2 children (Patty Ann and Wayne), and has been an exemplary member of the community makes the announcement to his wife (Irma) and pastor in a counseling meeting that he feels like he's a woman trapped in a man's body.  

Needless to say, this announcement (and the subsequent living out of such) shakes Irma and the small town in some interesting ways.  As Roy goes through his transition, both with the hormones and in his attitudes/actions, he runs into issues at home, at work, and in church.  Initially, Irma puts him out of the house when he makes the announcement.  He's hassled at work when he wears perfume and earrings.  When he decides to sing soprano, he's put of the choir.  And when he comes to church in a dress, he's asked to leave the church.  And the dynamic with his family creates some tension as well.  When he, Irma, and Patty Ann go to his parents' house for his father's birthday, we see a bit of the depth of Roy's pain and having to hide, as his father (though slightly senile) talks about catching Roy in his sister's clothes and making him stand naked in the barn all night to correct such behavior.

But the focus of the movie isn't necessarily Roy.  The movie seems to focus on Irma and her response to all of it and the journey that she makes with him.  She is the character who spoke the deepest to me and the reason why I'm blogging about this today.  When the announcement was first made, she was naturally blown away and angry.  She didn't understand, and she put Roy out, upset by his selfishness.  She and the pastor kept in close proximity, trying to figure out how to fix it.  The pastor initially blamed women's rights and that movement, implying that Irma may have emasculated Roy by doing the taxes for the house, so she tried to figure out what she had done wrong.  It is clear that this is not an easy situation to deal with for her, but as time passes, she softens toward him, and it's clear that she still loves him.  She takes him back into the house (after an interesting incident), and she decides to live with it.  The dynamics of the household change drastically as there are, in effect, 3 women living in the house, one going through menopause, one becoming a woman with hormones, and one teenage girl beginning her period.  When Wayne comes home for Thanksgiving dinner, gender roles come into question and cause confrontation.  
But through all the issues, there are some lines in the movie that challenged me to think about love in a new way.  After Roy was put out of church (and Irma walked out with him), the pastor visits and shares the concern of the other parishioners, asking if she needs work done around the house or if they should bring her some food, to which she responds that she is not a widow.  The pastor then apologizes for implying that she caused this in any way (because he's done some research about the condition).  But the kicker comes when he says that as her pastor, he gives her permission to separate and leave without guilt or regret.  [Now, I wanted to laugh right then and there, because I thought it was funny that he thought she needed his permission to do such a thing.  In my mind, such "permission" need only come from God, but I do tend to be liberal in my thinking.]   Her response: "but he's my heart..."  I thought, wow.  This was a possible "way out," but she chose to continue in relationship with the person she loved, because to her, Roy/Ruth was still the same person, even if the form of the person changed.
Something else profound that she said came in the midst of a conversation when she was  helping him pick out clothes from a catalog.  "I've given you my youth, I have given you your children, and now I'm giving up everything so you can feel complete.  And if I look at it hard enough, you've done the same for me..."  She came to a place of understanding that, as difficult as this was for her, it must have been equally difficult for him trying to live a "normal" life when he felt the way he did for so long.  In a sense, he had lived his life to this point to give her the husband she wanted/needed to make her feel complete, and so now, she could allow him to be what he needed to be as a show of love in "returning the favor."  
Undoubtedly, this is a complex situation, and I cannot even begin to imagine what this would feel like in my own life.  While Irma is not a lesbian, she made the choice to stay with Roy and said that she planned to stay even when Roy became Ruth.  The last scene of the movie is their 26th wedding anniversary.  They have a candlelit dinner at their house where they exchange gifts, and Irma gives Ruth a pearl necklace.  Then they are seen in the bed (presumably after sex), and Irma asks to see him one last time (since his operation will be the next day).  Then she says, "Sweet Roy. Sweet soul. What we do for love."  
Now, for me, this is an example of a deep and abiding love.  Once again, the complexities of such a situation are mind-blowing, but it says something about loving the person you are with and who they are at the core of their being.  It's said that Roy's condition - gender dysphoria - is just that, a medical condition in which a person believes (from a very young age) that he or she was born into a body with the wrong gender.  And it is interesting to me that in the marriage vows, there is a line about "through sickness and health."  Now, some people may say that this is stretching it and that Roy becoming Ruth is not the same as Roy getting something like cancer, and I would have to agree.  
But this whole thing does ask some questions: what are the limits of love?  When is the person you love no longer the person that you love?  What would change them for you: drug abuse, an illness, a job change, a sex change, a different religion (or even different beliefs within the same religion)?  What makes a person that person and where does love fit with all of that?

Day 130 - Lisa Louis

This is another one of my favorite people in the whole world. I met her in person in December, but I knew of her long before that since she's good friends with one of my friends.  Ever since then, she's become an indispensable part of my life and my family.  I haven't known her long, but the great thing about beautiful people is that you don't have to know them long to love them and for their beauty to impact your life.

She is hilarious, although you might miss her humor if you're not paying attention.  Her and I tend to get in trouble for "acting up" so much when we get together, but we can't help it.  So much of life is funny, and she helps me to remember that.  While she doesn't say much, she does have a wealth of wisdom and spiritual insight that will bless you if you pay attention.  She is warm and loving, and even though she says things at times to make me laugh or scratch my head, she has says things that warm my heart in ways that I don't think she even knows.  She also has this just wonderful presence and aura with her.  Every time she hugs me, it's like my soul sighs for relief just a bit.  To me, this is the most beautiful part about her, because her inner essence can speak to mine through a simple embrace. 

So, to my good friend, Lou, thanks for being the beautiful you, and I love you.

Day 129 - Reason, Season, Lifetime

It’s been said that people come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime, and the longer I live, the more I believe that’s true.  I’ve had a fair amount of what I’ll call ‘relationship transition’ in my life, and the only reason I’m in contact with most of the people I knew before college is because of the phenomenon of Facebook.  For me, I think that the evolution I’ve taken in my lifetime has caused relationships to shift and end.  At first, I attributed this to my lack of worthiness (because when you have low self-esteem, you subconsciously look for things to confirm what you already think).  I figured that people were leaving my life because something was wrong with me (although at times, there was drama and friction that caused relationships to end).

With age and wisdom (2 things that I’ve found don’t always come together), I’ve discovered that relationships are not all meant to last forever.   Sometimes people are in our lives to teach us a certain lesson, and once we learn that lesson, that person is no longer required in our lives.  Sometimes people are there for a certain season (as in college friends or work friends at a particular job or people who are needed in a certain time of your life), and once that season ends, they no longer fit your life.  A problem presents itself when we try to make reason and season folks into lifetime friends.  As much as we might love them and care about them, they may do more harm than good if they enter a season that they were not meant to be in.  I believe that Madea spoke about a similar phenomenon with a tree/branch/leaf analogy.  Some people are leaves, and blow through our lives with the wind.  Some are branches who are a bit more stable but can still be pruned.  And some people are trees, meant to be planted in our lives for the long haul.

I invite you to take some time to evaluate your current relationships.  While most of our relationships don’t come with labels and written expiration dates, it is important to be sensitive to what is happening in your relationships.  This doesn’t mean to be suspicious of every relationship or to keep yourself from being fully invested for fear of the end.  It does mean, however, that when a relationship comes to a crossroads or appears to be ending, it is time to evaluate whether this was a reason, season, or lifetime situation.  Don’t be afraid to let go of relationships that have run their course.  At the same time, don’t be afraid to fight for those relationships that continue to add life to yours.  Only with wisdom, honesty, and discernment can you tell the difference.