Day 118 - Advice

“Never idealize others.  They will never live up to your expectations.  Don’t over-analyse your relationships.  Stop playing games.  A growing relationship can only be nurtured by genuineness.”  -Leo F. Buscaglia

This quotation speaks volumes to what relationships ought to be: 

Never idealize others.  They will never live up to your expectations – when we see others as more than they are, we can come to worship them and hold them in higher regard than even ourselves.  When we idolize others, we make them central to our lives, and we expect them to be God or a savior, and they can only be themselves.  They were not created just to fulfill our needs, so in the course of them living out their own lives, they will automatically disappoint us and create resentment and pain that they may not even know about.  I have lived with much silent pain, expecting people to be things to me and heal wounds that I never talked about and that they had no power to anything about.

Don’t over-analyse your relationships – I know I’ve been guilty of this too.  I like to have an idea where things are going before I get too involved, because I want to know if it’s “safe” to fully invest myself.  Because of the disappointment I’ve experienced, it’s easy to go into protective mode and read every word, sign, action, and detail as something that it’s not.  This doesn’t mean not to pay attention to anything, but it does mean that sometimes you have to just take a deep breath and enjoy the ride.  Not every relationship is meant to last forever, but if we allow them to, they can be good experiences that bring healing and joy to our lives, even if they end at some point.

Stop playing games – this one almost speaks for itself.  The head games, the tests, the manipulation – none of it does anyone any good.  If you have to make someone prove that they care about you, then you’re either terribly insecure or they’ve shown you that they don’t care but you refuse to let go and allow better for yourself.  Either way, games should be limited to cards and TV shows.  Life plays enough tricks on us already – don’t add to the mess.

A growing relationship is nurtured by genuineness – when 2 people are able to be truly genuine and open with one another, the fear and the anxiety that typically comes with relationship has no room to grow.  If I’m not afraid to share myself and my feelings, then I will let myself grow and be challenged, and I allow the same for the other person.  In doing so, we grow stronger and better together.