Day 136 - Foot to @$$

So, as I continue to see and think of love in its various manifestations in my life, I must admit that I'm challenged (in more ways than one) by the latest one.  After about 2.5 weeks, I was finally enjoying some sacred time with my sister friends.  We were talking as we usually do, and the conversation shifted to me and what I was doing with my life.  Admittedly, conversations like this have happened to a lesser degree since before I graduated from Virginia Union, but this one was the peak.  After one of my dear sister friends lit into me about moving forward and spelled out the fact that I needed to figure out what was keeping me from doing what I was called to do, the other (whose face had been talking the entire conversation as she remained verbally silent) asked why I was afraid to grow up.  Now, such a question wouldn't have been so powerful except for the fact that it flashed through my mind about a minute before she asked me. After fumbling to try to articulate a thought or two that flashed across my mind as reasoning, I was glad for the first time ever that my mother and I were sharing a car and that I had to go pick her up right then.
The most challenging part of the conversation was not being pushed to face some realities about myself (although, that was rough).  For me, the toughest part was fighting something that I have fought for a long time - fear of rejection.  I'm not a fan of being criticized in any light, because it echoes the teasing and things that I endured as a young person.  Yet, because of the tone of the conversation and the relationship that I have with these ladies, the critique was one that comes out of love and concern for me... and it's akin to one that I would level at them should they need it.  So even though my initial reaction was to run and hide and cry because of past experiences, after I went home and cried (because facing myself can be hard) and processed what was said and what was needed, I knew all the more that I was loved, and I'm thankful for sister friends who aren't afraid to be honest and who won't let me waste my life and purpose.