Day 132 - Listen

Admittedly, when I first heard this song, I didn't like it.  For some reason, the line "I'm not at home in my own home" made me angry.  I figured that she should just leave if that's how she felt.  But then as I listened to the song more and I saw it in the context of the movie, I began to not only understand but empathize.  While I have never been in a romantic relationship like that, much of life has done something similar to me. 
"Listen to the song here in my heart - a melody I start but can't complete.  Listen to the sound from deep within - it's only beginning to find release.  Oh, the time has come for my dreams to be heard.  They will not be pushed aside and turned into your own all 'cause you won't listen."  I believe that all of us have an internal song that needs to come out in order for us to fully be alive.  And many things in our lives can quiet or even silence this song before we even have a chance to hear it.  Sometimes people want to sing their song as our or redirect our song so that it fits and benefits their lives.  Even though Beyonce isn't quite familiar with her entire song is, she knows enough to know when someone is trying to force theirs onto her, and she won't stand for it.  She is trying to find and bring out her own song now.
"Listen, I am alone at a crossroads.  I'm not at home in my own home, and I've tried and tried to say what's on mind.  You should have known.  Oh, now I'm done believing you.  You don't know what I'm feeling.  I'm more than what you made of me, I followed the voice you gave to me, but now I've gotta find my own."  When life gets to the point that you are trying to figure out what your song is and who you really are, it can be a difficult place.  You can feel restless, out of place, confused, and all sorts of things as you sort through what you've been told and who you thought you were and try to find the truth.  But the most important thing is to begin to distinguish your voice from everyone else's even those closest to you, because no matter how much they love you, they aren't you and can't tell you what would fulfill you.  It's okay to listen to their counsel, but ultimately, the decision must be yours.
"You should have listened.  There is someone here inside, someone I thought had died so long ago.  I'm free now and my dreams'll be heard. They will not be pushed aside or worked into your own all 'cause you won't listen."  This awakening of self is a powerful thing, and it can feel like freedom to realize that you don't live and exist as a manifestation of someone else's desire.  And some people like to take advantage when they know that you don't know who you are.  I think the movie "Dreamgirls" is a good example of that - he saw her talent and beauty and worked to capitalize on that in the interest of his material wealth and his relational needs.  Eventually, however, she woke up and realized that she didn't have to submit to his desires for her life and be treated as she was.
"I don't know where I belong, but I'll be moving on if you don't, if you won't listen to the song here in my heart - a melody I start but I will complete.  Now I'm done believing you.  You don't know what I'm feeling.  I'm more than what you made of me.  I followed the voice you think you gave to me, but now I've gotta find my own, my own."  The end of the song is the most empowering part.  She says that she's not entirely sure of how things will end up, but she does know that she cannot continue with him as things are.  While she has been unfamiliar with her own song, she is now determined to complete it herself.  She has lived long enough in his ideas for her, but now it's time for her to make her own way and decide who she is. 
I love this song, because it is my own in some ways.  It is encouragement that, even if I've lived 26 years being silenced, shunned, or stunted, I can find the strength and power to find my own voice and song.  I encourage you to find your song, pushing past the expectations, desires, and designs of others in order to find what is authentically, beautifully you.