Tuesday, May 17, 2011

Day 128 - Spotlight


I'm a fan of Jennifer Hudson's music, and I like this song.  I'm writing about this song, because it's more true than I realized when I first heard it, and it think it speaks to a larger issue, but we'll get there in a few.  Let's get into the lyrics.
"Are you a man who loves and cherishes and cares for me?  Is that you?  Are you a guard in a prison
Maximum security?  Is that you? Do we stay home all the time cuz you want me to yourself, or am I locked away out of fear that I'll find someone else?"  When asking these questions in a relationship, there is legitimate concern.  These may be red flags of things like insecurity and possibly indications that control and abuse could be in the future.  And the chorus makes it clear that Jennifer is aware of the insecurity and desires to set her friend's mind at ease: "Well, I don't like living under your spotlight just because you think I might find somebody worthy.  Well, I don't like living under your spotlight.  Baby, if you treat me right, you won't have to worry."  She sees his concern, but the manifestation thereof is concerning her, because she feels like she is under a protective order out of fear.
"Is this a relationship fulfilling your needs as well as mine, or is this just my sentence - am I doing time?  If this is love - real, real love - then I'm saying no doubt, but if I'm just a prisoner then I'm busting out."  This is a real question that she asks.  Because of the insecurity and the rules that most likely come with it, this becomes less a relationship where 2 people share love and space and more of a prison where someone is held at the will of another.  She is willing to be in a relationship, but she is not willing to endure a prison sentence just to say that she has a significant other. 
"Oh, you oughta be ashamed of yourself.  What the hell do you think you're doing?   Loving me, loving me so wrong.  Baby, all I do is try to show you that you're my one and only guy no matter who may come along.  Open your eyes."  At this point, she is calling him out on his insecurity, calling him wrong.  She's refuting his jealousy by saying that she is committed to him and that her actions have shown that. 
One of the best things about this song is that she recognizes the problem and she is willing to part with him if he doesn't change his controlling ways.  This speaks to 2 important truths.  The first is that you have to be willing to remove yourself from an unhealthy situation even when it involves someone you love.  The second is that insecurities will cost you good relationships, so take the time to work through insecurities and not allow past baggage to get in the way of something beautiful, especially a relationship with healing potential.

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