For the majority of my life, feelings and emotions have been… we’ll call them my weakest point. And while most of my issue had to do with avoidance when it came to emotions, the issues I’ve found in trying to deal with my emotions haven’t been much less. I was talking to a friend the other day about her feelings for a friend of hers, and we talked about the fact that, given the situation, the feelings aren’t the easiest things to contend with. Having been in a similar situation recently, I understand completely. What do you do with feelings that you don’t want to have or that just make life more difficult? What do you do when the one you want is unavailable or when you want the friendship more than the fantasy?
It’s been said that love is about more than feelings, and that is certainly true. The issue is that love involves feelings. When we don’t handle feelings correctly, they can get in the way of love as it was created to be. It’s also been said that we can’t help who we love, and I’m definitely a witness to that, especially when there is friendship and proximity involved. The question is always what we do with such feelings. In the past, my response was to bury them or ignore them, and that’s clearly not a healthy option. Feelings don’t typically go away because you ignore them. Like anything buried, they are just that – buried. Of course, dwelling on them to the point that they consume you isn’t healthy either, because your emotions/feelings can make you crazy.
So how do you find a healthy balance with things as strong and as volatile as emotions? That’s a good question. :) I’m sure you were expecting a concrete, 3-step answer, but the truth is, I haven’t found one. I’ve lived in my head most of my life, ignoring my heart, so I’m admittedly very new to dealing my emotions at all, much less in a healthy way. But what I have found a few things that I find helpful in my own wrestling with these things:
· Emotions are a good thing – they let us know what is going on inside of us, so they are good indicators of where we are and how we are responding to certain things. This is good. For this reason, they should not be ignored, because we can miss a lot when we try to ignore what we feel.
· Emotions are valid – they tend to be a response to what is happening to us, so there is a reason that you feel what you feel. Denying it or being upset for feeling it will not change the fact that you felt it. It’s best to acknowledge it, try to figure out why the response was what it was, and then take time to deal with it.
· Emotions can get out of hand – you can live so much in what you feel that you forget to think. Try to remember that even though your feelings are valid, it doesn’t mean that they are based in reality (or at least the reality outside your head). Feel, but also take time to think.
· Do not resist emotions – I used to be one for doing this. When I’d feel an emotion, especially a strong one, I would do my best to push it away or back away from the intensity of it. Even now, I have to remind myself to feel the emotion before I put it through the analytical rigors. Sometimes the healing comes not in figuring out why you feel a certain way but just by allowing yourself to feel it.
So does this make life easier and emotions a controllable force that you will smile to encounter on a daily basis? Probably not. But know that at least 98% of your feelings and emotions are for a reason and are trying to either heal something or teach you something. It’s up to you to take the time and listen to yourself. And talk your feelings through with someone you trust. Most likely they can help you to bring things outside of your head/heart and gain some perspective. And if you happen to find yourself in love with your best friend or with someone who you “shouldn’t” love, take some time to figure out why. What is it about this person that calls to me? And is it a good thing? Is it an example of authentic, healthy love? And how can I deal with these feelings in a way that won’t turn to resentment, anger, depression, bitterness, longing, etc?
No comments:
Post a Comment