So, I was telling one of my friends that I was having writer’s block, and she was telling me about something that she’d been thinking about. Thankfully, I believe in divine moments, and I think this may have been one of those. Now, as I find more of my voice, I feel more freedom to step outside the set parameters of “appropriate” and talk about what’s real. Therefore, today’s entry will be about self-love in a way that is rarely discussed, especially in a religious context.
For as long as I can remember, I’ve been taught that the “flesh” is a part of myself that was bad and needed to be denied. Somewhere between the Christian teachings (and the history behind them) and the history of black people in America, my body has become an object of shame instead of something to be cherished and appreciated. And for most of my life, I’ve had a conflict with entire being, the pieces of which I was taught to deny, hate, ignore, repress, etc in order to get closer to God. Yet, as I have grown and learned and lived life, I have come to realize that the body is more than an earthly mass that must be repressed until it can be escaped. As a dancer, I find the body an exquisite treasure, especially as it relates to being the visual version of the Holy Spirit.
How does appreciation for my body relate to love? In multiple ways actually. I find it hard to believe in the concept of self-love, self-worth, and self-esteem if you believe that your body is a worthless entity that simply ties you to the earth for your time here. To fully embrace yourself, I believe you must embrace ALL that is you. While I have been taught to be ashamed of everything from the color of my skin to my slender frame to the things that my body has felt, I have come to look at it as a work of art and part of God’s design, not a concession that just happens to come along with being part of creation. If I can look at my entire reflection and appreciate it as something that God shaped specifically to complement my destiny, then I can truly say that I am created in the Image of God and love God all the more.
Along with that, the conversation that I had this afternoon dealt with sharing physical intimacy with one’s self. The best way to get to know someone is to talk to them, and similarly with yourself is to talk and explore. There tends to be controversy and concern surrounding such activity, but I think it’s important to become acquainted with yourself if you expect to be comfortable allowing anyone else to get close to you. And I think it’s important to know that you are not the only one. I am speaking more to females, because we are taught to be “pure” and “chaste,” avoiding all things sexual until the day we get married, and then we are supposed to become sex kittens and experts to please our spouses. Part of the conversation was the fact that, even as open as we are in our relationships, it’s not something we’ve even really talked about. The stigma attached to it makes it taboo in general. And anything that’s taboo in general is invisible in the Black Church….
If we can’t talk about our bodies in a positive way, how can we handle honest conversations about sexuality that will allow people to step outside the bondage of doctrine that holds people captive? Everyone in the world deals with sex. Even virgins deal with sex, so if we could deal with it in a real, relevant way in church, people’s lives would be so much better…. But that’s its own blog entry. What I want you to get from this entry is that your body is NOT your enemy. Take time to enjoy and explore yourself, because no one should know you better than you.
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