So this song has been rolling around in my head since I first heard it, and I think it's about time to talk about it, especially since I'm in a space of dealing with the pieces of me.
"People just don't know what I'm about. They haven't seen what's there behind my smile. There's so much more of me I'm showing now. These are the pieces of me." This line resonates strongly with me, because I have spent much time hiding parts and pieces of myself, fearing rejection and ridicule (especially because I'm very well acquainted with both). Now, part of it is my introverted personality and the fact that much of myself tends to be internal, but part of it is fear and having my voice questioned, criticized, and silenced by others to the point that I tucked much (if not all) of me away to protect myself. Unfortunately, that caused me to be lost even to myself. But now, through much prayer, pushing, and love, I am intentionally bringing more of myself out to the surface.
"When it looks like I'm up, sometimes I'm down. I'm alone even when people all around, but that don't change the happiness I found. These are the pieces of me." I was (and still am) great at wearing a mask. I told one of my friends that for the most part, if I don't want people to know how I'm feeling, they will never know. My face sometimes speaks and betrays me, but in general, you wouldn't know what's going on inside me, because I have great control of my face. It comes from years of hiding and suppressing. And because I can hide so well in my face, the rest of me follows suit, and I used to be so closed off that even when I was surrounded, I was so far inside myself that I felt alone. I wrestle with her next words, because happiness hasn't been my experience. I have a contrasting strength, but no accompanying happiness to help me get through.
"So when you look at my face, you gotta know that I'm made of everything love and pain - these are the pieces of me. Like every woman I know, I'm complicated fo sho, but when I love I love til there's no love no mo. These are the pieces of me." I appreciate the first line of the chorus. As I am learning to let go and stop hiding, my face will begin to speak my heart and soul. Today, one of my sister friends said, "you are the sum total of your experiences," and that makes sense with this. I'm not just the good or the bad that's happened to me, nor am I just my thoughts about myself. I'm made of and shaped by all of life and what has happened. This is not to say that it all controls me, but it does have a hand in informing how I see/think about things. I think it's true that women can be complicated, but I think in general, humanity is complicated, because there don't tend to be absolutes even when there are patterns in behavior and thought. There is something to be said about loving until there's no more love (although, I tend to be of the opinion that love is eternal even though it's destination or manifestation may change), and I think that line is about the fact that sometimes we (especially as women) love far beyond what would make sense and to the point that we find it impossible to give any more (whether for lack of strength or reciprocation).
"So many colors that make up the woman that you see - a good friend and lover. Anything you want, yes I can be. I can run the business and make time for fantasy - these are the pieces of me." This portion of the second verse talks about the versatility that the modern women tends to strive for. For years, women have been fighting to show that it's possible to be wife and mother, career woman and sexual being, attempting to break through gender roles and sexism that would confine them to traditional roles. Part of the responsibility lies with women to be unafraid of embracing the various parts of themselves, and part of it lies with men to be open to all that encompasses a woman without boundaries and stereotypes/roles.
"Now I'm gonna make mistakes from time to time, but in the end believe that I'm gone fly. No matter if I'm wrong or if I'm right, these are the pieces of me." I appreciate this piece, because it speaks to the fact that I'm not gonna be perfect, but I am still able to rise and do great things. I may hit some bumps along the way, but because of who I am, what I can do, and what is within me, I will make the best out of things and come out on top.
"O, as the pieces of me start to unfold, now I start to understand all that I am - a woman not afraid to be strong." And that is me. As I come to a fuller understanding of myself, I see that being a woman is not about being frail and dependent and weak. Being a woman comes with a certain kind of strength, but it takes courage to display that at times. While I was previously afraid to be genuinely strong, I am now embracing myself and my strength as I begin to walk through life unafraid and unhindered by society's issues.
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