I have always had a love affair with nature, especially at night. Nothing calms me more than to sit outside and simply look at the beauty of God’s creation as it stands outside my window. This poem reflects a bit of my love for nature and the Artist behind some of my favorite scenery, especially as the expanse of the sky has helped me to breathe in some difficult situations.
Cold.
Tired.
Disconnected and stressed.
Seeing no end in sight and
Desiring nothing more than
To be swallowed whole and
Swept away….
Seeking refuge in my own thoughts,
Trying to sort out a puzzle
When the pieces are in the hands of another,
I get to the end of my rope and
Then I keep going,
Far beyond hope,
Feeling anything less than whole, and
Undone in places that I never
Dreamed would leak.
My heart cries things my mouth never could,
My eyes leaking things my brain can’t fathom,
My body pressed under the weight of burdens
I never knew existed,
Buckling under the strain of enemies and battles
I never knew I had.
Trying to reach for help,
But finding none…
Trying all kinds of medicines to at least
Slow the pain
But instead finding more pain –
That sip was temporarily sweet,
That puff couldn’t bring permanent peace,
That person brought a passing pleasure,
Any high I had was halted as
I fell back into reality,
Falling head-first into heartache that
Seemed inescapable,
Like a tattoo or birthmark that
I was destined to drag.
If only…
Even that church thing that
People said would solve my problems and
Leave me “blessed and highly favored”
Didn’t seem to reach me where I was,
In that place of “busted and highly fractured.”
Having carried hidden pains, dark secrets,
The scars of others, and more than
My fair share of anything bad,
I reached the height of hurt and
I …
Just …
Stopped.
With my head bowed,
I could see the tears spilling onto the ground
As my soul asked,
“God, why? Why do I feel so alone
When You said You’d never leave me?”
As if to answer,
A warm breeze encircled me in
The midst of my cold night,
Hugging me and grazing the
Salty trails on my face.
My arms, previously keeping me warm,
Unclenched and reached up as
A child reaching up for the loving arms of a
Parent for an embrace.
It was then my eyes beheld
The true poetry and personification of
Psalm 19 –
The heavens declare the glory of God…
It was as if my Heavenly Father was
Wrapping baby girl in a
Black security blanket and
Singing me to sleep with the
Lullaby of little creatures.
With the moon as my nightlight,
I was able to see more than in the
Brightest midday,
Breathing refreshing air as if
Straight from the lungs of God,
Sensing a stillness that a
Hurricane couldn’t shake.
In that moment,
I felt God closer than ever,
Closer than my own heart
Beating in my chest…
God was like medicine
Pumped straight into my veins,
Tickling my heart,
Setting my limbs on fire,
Releasing butterflies in my stomach
That awakened things in me
That words couldn’t describe
But that something in me felt as
Peace.
That day, I began to shape,
Rebuild, and move forward like never before.
And when I sense the pain threatening to
Abort the butterflies of anointing and
Extinguish the fire within,
I wrap myself in God’s starry blanket and
Let my heart dance and cry in the moonlight,
Reconnecting to the breath beyond my lungs,
Realizing that God’s best work is done at night.
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