The more I think about "Where You At?" by Jennifer Hudson, the more layers I discover and the song won't seem to let me go. While the previous entry talked mainly about the parent-child dynamic, there is a depth to this song that one of my friends reminded me of that will be the focus of today's entry - disappointment. While I touched on it briefly before, today's entry will be dedicated to it, because it is an important thing that often shapes our experiences of love.
Dictionary.com defines disappoint as "to fail to fulfill the expectations or wishes of; to defeat the fulfillment of (hopes, plans, etc.); thwart; frustrate." I don't know about you, but I've had some wishes that went unfulfilled, and I definitely had some of my hopes of fulfillment defeated by people who I thought could count on. To me, that's a powerful thing - defeating someone's fulfillment. But unfortunately, many people don't think about this. We just act in accordance with whatever we think is best for us and end up hurting someone in the process.
We are created to be in relationship. There is no mistaking this truth. The problem is that we often experience disappointment and hurt in our relationships, which makes us not want to be in relationship any longer. Of course, disappointment goes hand-in-hand with expectations. I will not negate the fact that sometimes we get screwed in our relationships, because there are times when people really hurt us and mess us over for little to no fault of our own. But there are also times when the expectations that we have are unreasonable, and when they go unmet, we meet disappointment at the door to our hearts and let him in.
So, in dealing with disappointment, it's important to figure out why you're disappointed - what was the unfulfilled expectation and the circumstances as to how it went unfulfilled? Who did you expect to fill the expectation? Was it a reasonable expectation or was it something that was expected/desired as a result of past baggage?
Disappointment is never a welcome thing. To deal with it, we must both refine our expectations and pay careful attention to the people we allow into areas of our lives. As the song talks about, she knew who the man was when she met him, and so wisdom would tell me that if I want to be with someone, they would have to show the changes they promise to make before I give them my heart. Otherwise, I am willingly walking into disappointment.
And while some disappointment is unavoidable, it doesn't have to become a tragedy or a determiner for how we move forward in life.
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