Many people I know (myself included) don't always deal with grief in the healthiest of ways, and this can lead to stunted/halted emotional growth and other baggage as we attempt to move forward. Some people live in the stage of grief called 'denial,' refusing to accept the end. And in your refusal to let go, you hold to the person as if they were still in your life, most likely idealizing and idolizing them in your mind and heart. Such false perceptions will make moving forward in a healthy way next to impossible.
Some people don't deny that it's over, but they try to plead and bargain to change the situation. They are willing to change their standards, settle for less than the best treatment, and bend till they break in order to make things work. This won't work either, because even if the relationship can/does happen again, the issues that caused the break will probably only be made worse by the compromised standards.
Some people adopt Cee Lo Green's approach of anger saying, "F**k you." The very thought of the person or what happened enrages them to the point that it would be impossible to talk about or talk to the person without violent actions resulting. While anger may be a healthy and a valid response in some cases, esp if we have been wronged, we cannot let that anger becoming a consuming force for our lives. Anger should be a positive motivator for change in the future.
Some people take the anger upon themselves and suffer from guilt, thinking/feeling that if they had just (fill in the blank), that things would be different, that the relationship would still be there, that the person would still be alive, etc. The guilt creates a heaviness that makes it almost unbearable to live each day. Because of the guilt, most people want to punish themselves, feeling that any enjoyment on their part is undeserved and that they need to suffer for what they've done. There is continuous self-reflection and critique as they pick themselves apart and try to figure out what's wrong in them and what they could have done differently. While it's true that we typically all play a part in the end of a relationship, it takes 2 people to make a relationship work, so taking all the blame isn't typically a wise or logical idea.
Some fall into depression, shutting off from the world. Depression (sometimes referred to as anger turned inward) is a serious problem that amplifies the pain by making it the only thing visible. And it leads to things like isolation or sleeping or eating (or lack thereof), wanting to hide and allow the sadness to consume you. Life essentially ceases in this space.
For people who are associated with psychology, these reactions may sound familiar, as they come from the stages of the grieving process. I am not saying that any of these are bad, because they all tend to need to be worked through in some form before a person can get to the 'final' stage of acceptance - acknowledging the loss and being able to move forward in a healthy way with the knowledge that the loss doesn't mean the end of life. The pain attached to the memory will no longer tear you apart, even if sadness still accompanies your thoughts.
I know that I've lost some people/relationships lately, and while I'm still working through my feelings with some of them, I know that it's important to take the time to allow my emotions and the grief process to run its course. There is no timeline for grief, because each relationship and its impact are different, but what is important is that I take time to reflect, place responsibility in its proper place for each party involved, avoid idealizing the relationship/person, and take care of myself in the process. And I have to remember that, no matter how awesome or close or long the relationship was, my life doesn't end because the relationship did. And there is always love in my life, even if someone who showed me great love is no longer actively part of the love that occupies my life.
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