As I was having a discussion this morning with 2 of my girls about a recent situation, one of my brilliant sisters shared the following insight: "Love is a beautiful thing - the way it's handled, not so much." I love to talk about love, but I realized last night that I am still semi-petrified of the idea of being in a romantic relationship. The reason is because, as much as I love the beautiful thing called love, the way it manifests and translates in broken people can bring ridiculous pain and frustration. Even when you are blessed as I am to have love within a divine space like I share with my sisters, the truth of the matter is that when I step outside that space, the reality of relationship is a much uglier animal.
Something else that relates to the discussion from this morning is that, as much as we can love someone else, they will not always have the desire or capacity to return that love or even appreciate it. For instance, when you have had a falling out with someone that's come to no resolution, yet you call them and ask for help (and said help requires the person to get out of bed at 7am and drive 20 minutes to provide assistance) and their automatic response is to do it, then there is love involved. Then when you add on top of that the fact that the person you called has been sick for 3 days, but you wouldn't know that because you haven't checked on them, but they are still willing to come help you, love is involved. But the mishandling comes in when you say 1. it's an April Fools' joke 2. the person wants to get food for the medicine they just took but you wanna get a point across so you tell them that they are full of $#!* and 3. you hang up on the person. REALLY?!
One of my friends checked her 'Message from God' on the Facebook app for today, and it said, "On this day, God wants you to know... that devotion to God begins with devotion to your family and community. It is much easier to proclaim abstract and remote love, then to step into the midst of living and keep an open heart through the thick of it. Be there where you are needed the most." While this is a painful reality, it is quite true. As much as I like to write about love, I have to roll up my sleeves and walk into the dirt of relationships, understanding that it will not be easy. I have the bubble of my girls that allows me to experience love in a space that I know is safe, but I know that, in the face of understanding that mishandling happens.
Now, I can say with a fair amount of certainty that we have all both mishandled someone and been mishandled by someone. This is the unfortunate nature of life, and pain is indeed cyclical. But on the other hand, love is as well. So if you have been mishandled, take care to get some healing and resolution so that you don't mishandle someone else. And if you are being mishandled, take time to evaluate the situation - is it one you need to be in? Is it one that you can help by being involved in? Will outside help be beneficial? What will make the space safe and healthy for both of you? Are you ready to make some decisions that could be potentially painful now to ensure a better future?
Remember, Love itself is not the problem. Love will never hurt you, but the way we handle each other in the space of love.
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