In my experience, this is one of the hardest elements of relationship, especially because it covers much more than people realize. When you say trust, most people assume that the expectation being discussed is that the person will not cheat or that the person will keep someone's confidential information to themselves. But I've learned that it involves deeper levels of openness in one's self to really trust someone. Being that I'm a dictionary fan, I decided to find a definition of trust: "reliance on the integrity, strength, ability, surety, etc., of a person or thing; confidence; confident expectation of something; hope." So, when I trust someone, I am essentially evaluating the strength of who they are and allowing myself to rely on that.
And as I said before, this is about more than infidelity or sharing secrets. I personally am aware that I have had issues trusting that people care about me because of my previous experience. Even though people show me that they care, it can sometimes be difficult for me to receive the love or feel that they care enough to really reciprocate the love that I give or put in the time/energy in relationship that I find myself giving. Another area of trust can involving trusting someone to have your best interests at heart or trusting someone to cover you - have your back and make sure that you are taken care of. Maybe you have trouble trusting people's words, and you refuse to believe anything that is not seen in action. An anonymous person once said that “Without trust, words become the hollow sound of a wooden gong. With trust, words become life itself.” I can definitely see the validity in this and why it is so difficult. Maybe your difficult area of trust involves trusting that people will provide for you, be it financial support, emotional support, or even just being held when you ask, especially without wanting something in return.
I truly understand the difficulties when it comes to trusting people. Being that "Where You At" seems to be my theme song recently, I am well acquainted with reasons that I shouldn't trust anyone. At one time, I closed off my heart and essentially said 'no' to relationships, because trust was just too hard and because I didn't want to be hurt and disappointed again. But I've learned that just because someone hurt me doesn't mean that everyone else in life will. Yes, I've been hurt and disappointed numerous times. There were people who I trusted to care for me, to listen to me, to keep my secrets, to provide for me, etc. Some of them came through, and some of them did not. But I heard something by Frank Crane that made a lot of sense: “You may be deceived if you trust too much, but you will live in torment if you do not trust enough.” If I don't trust, I won't be able to love, and love is really what makes the world go round and the sun shine each day.
While it may be difficult, it is a necessary press, because it brings a beauty to life that cannot be found otherwise. Walter Anderson once said, "We're never so vulnerable than when we trust someone - but paradoxically, if we cannot trust, neither can we find love or joy." While I'm not always a fan of being vulnerable, because it's led to some painful moments in the past, I couldn't imagine a life without the love that God has graciously provided. It's taken some risk and even caused some pain, but I'm glad that I was willing to trust, because I've gotten so many blessings in return that it's hard to remember what I was afraid of in the first place.
Though broken trust can change the dynamic and landscape of a relationship as echoed by Friedrich Nietzsche - “I'm not upset that you lied to me; I'm upset that from now on I can't believe you” - it doesn't have to change your life and how you relate to every person after that. Sometimes, it's a matter of realizing that the person simply couldn't be trusted with what you gave them, but that doesn't mean that no one else can be.
And of course, God can be trusted with anything that is given. Even when you are trusting for arms to hold you, God can do that too. :) Realize that you have valid hurts but also that trust is still possible. Keep your heart open, but do exercise caution. Trust does have to be earned, but don't use that as a means of keeping people at a distance to avoid being hurt. Just pay attention - people will show you when they can and cannot be trusted.
No comments:
Post a Comment